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    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Making A Loud A-pee-l, Part 2

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (As the bookstore I work for is closing down, we have started closing down the bathrooms. At this point, they’ve shut down one stall leaving only one left in the ladies room. I go in and there’s a rather long line for the single stall.)

    Customer #1: *comes running in* “Oh… oh no, is there only one stall?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, but the line is moving pretty quick, though.”

    Customer #1: “Oh no! This won’t do.” *rushes out*

    (A few seconds later, Customer #1 comes back with two large paper coffee cups. She goes over to a corner, sets the cups on the floor, and drops her pants.)

    Customer #1: “Okay, everyone! I really have to go! I have a bladder infection so if I don’t go right now, it won’t end well for me. Nobody look!”

    (As she goes to drop her drawers, another woman comes out of the stall. I happen to be the next in line.)

    Me: “Please! Go ahead of me! Apparently, you need the bathroom more than I do!”

    Customer #1: “Are you sure? You probably have to go back to work. I’m okay with this.”

    Me: “Nope! Just go!”

    Customer #1: “Gee, thanks!” *shuffles into the stall with her pants around her ankles*

    Making A Loud A-pee-l

    Two Ap-pee-sements For The Price Of (Number) One

    | OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’ve gone to lunch break about an hour before. A kid is with his mom in the store. I tend to make a note of everyone I see in the store, and greet them as I pass, just out of habit. After lunch, the kid comes up to me.)

    Kid: “Where’s your bathroom?”

    (I look around and find his mother is not with him, or anywhere in sight. Seeing as I can’t make him wait, I decide to take him.)

    Me: “Follow me, please…”

    (On the way I keep an eye out for the mother, but I don’t find her. When we reach the bathroom, I stand outside the door so I can make sure he’s okay. Just as he is finishing up, his mother finally shows up and looks frantic.)

    Mother: “Is my son in there?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. He’ll be out in just a moment.”

    (At this point the kid runs out and hugs his mother.)

    Mother: *to child* “I’m going to tie you up from now on. You gave me a heart attack!” *to me* “Thank you so much.”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’m glad I could help. Have a nice day and thank you for shopping at [store]!”

    Chunder Mountain

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

    (I operate a pretty big roller coaster for a ticket run theme park.)

    Father: *to his 10 year old* “Shall we ride?”

    Son: “We just had lunch.”

    Father: “You’re a chicken. I’ll ride it myself!”

    Me: “Sir, just so you know, this ride is bumpy and has a lot of quick stops. It isn’t very fun on a full stomach.”

    Father: “How would you know? Have you ever tried?”

    Me: “No, but I’ve been doing this job for 3 years now.”

    Father: “Well, I’ll show you, and I’ll sit in the very back.”

    Me: “If you say so; the customer is always right. Have fun!”

    (The father boards the ride, and I keep an eye on him. As I predicted, he isn’t going doing so well and is clutching his stomach throughout the ride. When the ride finally jerks to a stop, the puke flies.)

    Son: “Dad, I told you not to do it!”

    From Hair Raising To Heart Warming

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

    (I am standing behind the till, serving customers. I wear a wig; I had Alopecia when I was 16 and haven’t had any hair for three years. A male customer goes past the till, heading for the children’s section, and sees me.)

    Customer: “Oh my god, your hair looks amazing! How did you get it like that?!”

    Me: “It’s a wig, actually! I lost my hair when I was younger.”

    (The customer looks very shocked, but then suddenly gives me a thumbs up.)

    Customer: “Darling, you look smashing.”

    Me: “Thank you, you just made my day!”

    (The customer who took the time to give my self esteem a boost?! I honestly hope he wins the lottery one day!)

    A Mother’s Duty

    | LA, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words

    Me: “Thank you for calling the pharmacy. How may I help you?

    Customer: “Hi, my fiancè’s mother is incompetent, and I am going to be helping out with her medicines.”

    (When she says ‘incompetent,’ I am thinking she might want to transfer the woman’s meds to our pharmacy, has a question about her drugs, or something of the sort.)

    Me: “Okay, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Since she is incompetent, I think she is going to need some kind of diaper or underwear. So, what do y’all sell there?”

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