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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Went To The Wrong Joint, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (Our clinic has an animal hotel which backs out onto the alley behind. The back entrance is for employees and for taking dogs out for walks, and so only has a small sign to indicate it is an animal clinic. It is otherwise an anonymous-looking building, in an alleyway that looks like several others behind our neighboring strip malls. One such alleyway contains a medical marijuana clinic. It is 8 am on a Sunday. A stranger in his early twenties approaches me as I am taking a dog out for his morning business. I am in my scrubs, and so on the street I am sometimes mistaken for a nurse.)

    Stranger: “Hey, you work here?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m new.”

    Stranger: “Okay, cool. They let you bring your dog to work with you?”

    Me: “No, this is one of our boarders. Can I help you with something?”

    Stranger: “They shouldn’t let you keep dogs in there! What if they ate your stock?”

    Me: “I assure you, the pharmacy is kept well away from them. Did you need something?”

    Stranger: “Yeah, just a dime.”

    Me: *blankly* “I don’t have my wallet with me, I’m sorry.”

    Stranger: *also blankly* “No, I mean… could you let me into the building so I can get it?”

    Me: *thinking he is joking, I laugh* “The clinic is technically closed, sorry. Besides, I don’t think I want you going through my stuff!”

    Stranger: “I don’t get it! My friends said you guys are super helpful! I just want to buy a dime!”

    (At this point, I finally putting the pieces together.)

    Me: “Ah, actually… we aren’t that kind of clinic. That one is the next alley up, but I’m pretty sure they’re closed at this time of day. We’re an animal clinic.”

    Stranger: “S***! Sorry to bother you!”

    (The stranger starts to leave in the direction he came from, but then turns around and goes the way I pointed and laughs.)

    Stranger: “Yeah… I might be a little high.”

    Related:
    Went To The Wrong Joint

    Super-flu-ous Advice

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (It’s currently flu season, and we are offering flu shots.)

    Me: “Alright, sir. We got you all set. Have you gotten your flu shot yet?”

    Customer: “Ah, no. I don’t get a flu shot. I don’t get the flu, sweetie.”

    Me: “Wow, you must be lucky.”

    Customer: “You want to know my secret, dear?”

    Me: “What’s your secret, sir?”

    Customer: *leans in close* “You see now, chickens, cows, pigs: they get the flu. So, if you don’t eat them, you don’t get the flu! You remember that now!”

    Me: “Um, okay, sir. I will. Have a nice day.”

    What An Encore

    | London, England, UK | Health & Body

    (At the moment, there is a one-man play showing at my theatre. There is no music, no sound effects, or even a microphone, so it is very quiet. One patron has been coughing quite loudly for the last 10 minutes or so of the performance. It’s annoying, but it’s November and a lot of people are ill.)

    Rude Patron: “I want to make a complaint. All the way through the show there was this dreadful woman coughing, very loudly. You should have people inside the auditorium to stop that sort of thing! It ruined the whole play!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry you were disturbed—”

    (The rude patron points at the cougher in question; she’s a woman and is walking past both of us.)

    Rude Patron: “There! That’s her! That’s the awful woman who wouldn’t stop coughing!”

    Woman: “I hope when you have cancer people, treat you the same way!”

    Rude Patron: *scuttles away shamefully*

    A Real Mystery Shopper

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I answer a phone call while working the cash register. The voice on the other end is male.)

    Caller: *obviously uncomfortable* “Um… uh… could I ask you to do me a favor?”

    Me: “Certainly. What do you need?”

    Customer: “Can you grab a box of tampons and hold it at the counter for me?” *he specifies the brand and strength* “I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

    Me: “Uh, sure.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (A little while later, a man comes up in line with several grocery items.)

    Customer: *mutters* “I believe you’re holding an item for me?”

    (I grab the box and, taking care to hold it lower than counter level so others don’t see, I confirm that the item is correct. When he nods, I scan it as stealthily as possible and slip it into his bag.)

    Customer: *looks around nervously* “Thank you so much.”

    (Later, I’m telling my boss about the odd incident.)

    Boss: “Your mission, should you choose to accept it…” *begins to sing the ‘Mission: Impossible’ theme*

    Needs To Get Their Education Straight

    | Williston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (I am waiting on my mom to get out of her doctor’s appointment. I overhear a conversation between a 17-year-old patient and the doctor.)

    Patient: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MIGHT BE PREGNANT?!”

    Doctor: “Well, ma’am, you said you haven’t been having your period, and you have been having sex with your boyfriend, so it is highly possible.”

    Patient: “But I’m a lesbian! I can’t get pregnant!”

    Doctor: “Oh? I apologize. I thought you said you had a boyfriend. Well then, we should try other tests. And I apologize to you and your girlfriend.”

    Patient: “Ew, what? I do have a boyfriend! Why would I date a girl?”

    Doctor: “Then you aren’t a lesbian. And you are probably pregnant.”

    Patient: “I am a lesbian! My mom told my boyfriend and I that she wished I was a lesbian so I wouldn’t get pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided that I was a lesbian, so mom wouldn’t have to worry.”

    Doctor: “Miss, that is not how it works, and not what she meant.”

    Patient: “Screw you! I know my mom better then you do. You just lost a patient since you don’t even know lesbians can’t get pregnant!” *storms out*

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