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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Wick-ed Accident

    | Valencia, Spain | Bizarre, Health & Body, Top

    (My friend is a nurse at a local hospital.)

    Patient: “My belly is hurting me.”

    My Friend: “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll sort it out.”

    (My friend proceeds to do a routine examination on the patient. Whenever she touches the patient’s abdomen, he suffers from a lot of pain. They take him to the x-ray room for scans.)

    My Friend: “Sir, it appears you have… um… three candles lodged in your rectum. Do you have any idea how this happened?”

    Patient: “Well… er… I was carrying an armful of candles down some stairs and I tripped and…” *trails off into silence*

    My Friend: “So, you fell on a candle.”

    Patient: “Yes.”

    My Friend: “Then you fell again, on another candle.”

    Patient: “Yes.”

    My Friend: “And then once more, on yet another candle.”

    Patient: “That’s what happened!

    Plz Change Abbrev, Stat

    | London, UK | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (If a customer gets regular medication from a pharmacy, they can have a Medicine Use Review (MUR). It’s basically talking through their meds with a pharmacist. I answer this call from a sweet elderly caller.)

    Me: “Hello, pharmacy.”

    Customer: “Um hello, someone just delivered my medicine. The bag has a sticker on it that says “Patient eligible for MUR.” What it is MUR?”

    Me: “It stands for “Medicine Use Review,” which involves discussing your medicines with the pharmacist. However, those labels are meant for our reference, so I apologise that it’s been put on your bag by mistake. Sorry if it caused confusion.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s alright, dear. I just thought MUR might be short for murder!”

    Me: “Er no, ma’am! Don’t worry, no one is going to murder you!”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Thank you very much!”

    At Least She Brought Windows Cleaner

    | Oslo, Norway | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

    (A customer has just bought a cellphone. She wants me to show her how to insert the SIM card. I open the cover on the phone and reach for the SIM card when she shouts, startling me.)

    Customer: “No! Don’t touch it!”

    Me: “But I have to put the SIM card in—”

    Customer: “No! You can’t touch it!”

    Me: “I have to touch it to insert the SIM Card into the cellphone.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want you to touch it! It will get viruses on it! I’ve heard it can happen! Just show me how to do it, and I’ll do it myself!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the viruses you’ve heard about are digital programs, and can not be transmitted from a person touching the SIM card. But if you absolutely don’t want me touching it, you may insert the SIM card yourself.”

    Customer: “I don’t want viruses in my cellphone! I’ll do it myself, thank you.”

    (At this point the customer takes out a bottle of window cleaner spray and towel, sprays it on her hands, and dries them off. Then, she very carefully grabs the SIM card on the edges and slides it inside the cellphone.)

    Customer: “See?! No viruses!”

    Me: “Well done, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

    Hair-Brained Advice From The Hairless

    | Saratoga Springs, NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am a cashier with naturally long dark brown hair. Currently, I dyed it black for a little bit of a change. I am approached by a bald, older man.)

    Me: “Hi sir, did you find everything okay tonight?”

    Customer: “Is that your natural hair color?”

    Me: “This? No, not really—”

    Customer: “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!”

    (I laugh, thinking that he’s joking.)

    Customer: “It’s not funny! You’re not very smart! You don’t want to get cancer, do you?! It spreads to your boobs and ovaries!”

    Me: “…No, I didn’t.”

    Customer: “You can’t be THAT stupid. You don’t even look attractive like that with your complexion. You look like Dracula’s daughter. And look at those ends on your hair! You need to buy mayonnaise and soak your hair in it!”

    Me: *ignoring him* “Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “I’ll come back to see if you listened!” *pays for his items and leaves*

    He Has An Alco-huh Problem

    | Canberra, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A man in his 40s walks in to the store. He’s carrying an empty 750ml bottle of bourbon, and places it on the counter.)

    Customer: “I want a refund on this bottle of bourbon. It was off.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t refund that one as the bottle is empty.”

    Customer: “But I even brought the receipt back.” *waves receipt*

    Coworker: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. As the bottle is empty, we cannot refund it. If I may, sir, what made you think the bottle of bourbon was off?”

    Customer: “I drank it last night and it made me throw up.”

    Coworker: “I am terribly sorry for that, but what happened to the rest of the bottle?”

    Customer: “I told you! I drank the whole bottle last night, and it made me feel dizzy and throw up! It was clearly off!”


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