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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    No Wait To Her Argument

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Time

    (I’m running slightly late to meet a patient. I arrive about five minutes after the appointment time to find no one there. I wait around, wondering if she was perhaps caught up in traffic. After half an hour goes by, I call her.)

    Patient: *rudely* “Hello!?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [name] of [clinic name]. We had a 4 pm appointment today, but I didn’t see you.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was waiting forever, and you never showed!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry I missed you. How long were you waiting?”

    Patient: “45 minutes.”

    Me: “Huh? But it’s 4:30 now and there’s no one here.”

    Patient: “Yeah, I know! I left at 4pm!”

    Me: “But, that’s when our appointment was.”

    Patient: “Right! I can’t believe you were so late!”

    Me: “Please correct me if I’m wrong, but [clinic] is by-appointment-only, which means I am not in the office unless there’s a patient. I’ve told you this, haven’t I?”

    Patient: “That’s right.”

    Me: “So you’re upset because I wasn’t here 45 minutes before I was actually supposed to be here?”

    Patient: “Yes!”

    (The weirdest thing is that I had actually treated her before, and she’d shown up fifteen minutes late without calling!)

    Why Nurses Should Rule The World

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (My 5-year-old son has received a serious injury to his eye. After a pediatrician recommends us to an eye doctor, we are referred to a specialist that works out of a university two hours away from home.)

    Nurse: “These are all the contact numbers you should need. I also went online for some directions, and called ahead to let them know it should only be a few hours.”

    My Son: “I don’t want to.”

    Nurse: “What’s the matter?”

    My Son: *visibly getting upset* “I’m scared.”

    Nurse: “But you’ve been so brave this whole time! How about this: if you go see the new doctor, I’ll give you my phone number and you can call me if you get too upset, okay?”

    (The nurse writes down her work extension and cell phone number on a piece of paper and adds it to my paperwork, insisting that I feel free to call if I have any problems or questions. My son stays calm all the way to the university and through the appointment with the specialist until we’re told he’s going to need surgery. Crying and upset, he begs me to call the nurse from the clinic.)

    Me: *on the phone* “I’m so sorry to bother you, I know you’re still working, but he’s really upset and asked to talk to you.”

    (I put the phone on speakerphone so my son, crying on the exam table, can hear.)

    Nurse: “Hey buddy! What’s wrong?”

    My Son: *crying* “The doctor here wants to give me surgery!”

    Nurse: “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’ll make your eye all better. You’ll be able to see again, like we talked about.”

    My Son: “But I’m scared! It’s going to hurt!”

    Nurse: “Of course it’s not going to hurt. That nice doctor wouldn’t hurt you!”

    My Son: “Have you been given surgeries?”

    Nurse: “Yeah kiddo, a few.”

    My Son: “And you came back to life?”

    Nurse: “Every single time.”

    My Son: “Promise?”

    Nurse: “Swear.”

    (My son has calmed down considerably throughout the conversation, and there’s not a dry eye in the room.)

    My Son: “…Okay…”

    Nurse: “See? I knew you were brave.”

    My Son: “Thank you! Love you!”

    Nurse: *laughing* “Love you, too.”

    (I thanked the nurse a thousand times, and she insisted I call her ASAP to let her know how the surgery goes. Later that day, she texted us a picture of herself and her family with a ‘GET WELL SOON’ sign they made for my son!)

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    Customer Zero

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I have just gone to the hospital for a abdominal scan, and I still have the ID bracelet on that they give to patients. I am shopping on my own when a woman comes up to me.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be in the way.”

    Female customer: “What are you doing in a public place, kid?”

    (Note: I’m 21.)

    Me: “What?”

    Female customer: “That bracelet! It means that you are infected! What are you doing touching things?”

    Me: “Lady. I’m not infected with anything. I just came from a check-up.”

    Female customer: “STOP LYING! I am going to get the manager!”

    (She leaves, and I continue to shop. She comes back with the manager while I am looking at some fruit.)

    Female customer: “See? He’s touching everything! Now you are going to have to throw all of this out!”

    Me: “Look, I already told you. It’s an ID bracelet.”

    Manager: “Wait. You already told her that?” *turns to lady* “Why are you harassing this poor kid?”

    Female customer: “HE IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!” *runs off*

    (The manager apologized and I got his discount for my food!)

    How To Deal With A Customer’s Crap

    | Property ManagementTX, USA | Health & Body

    (I am a property manager for a homeowner’s association. I get a call from a homeowner.)

    Homeowner: “Yes, I’m calling to tell you that you need to pick up the dirty diaper in my front lawn.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, that’s not what I do.”

    Homeowner: “Well, somebody needs to pick it up! Who do you think will pick it up if you don’t?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s your house. You’re responsible for maintaining your home. I’m not obligated to clean your lawn.”

    Homeowner: “Well, then you can rot in H*** along with that diaper!”

    He Is Twice The Man

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Top

    (For the Halloween season, we’re running several horror houses, which aren’t otherwise open throughout the year. Light-up devices aren’t allowed inside any of the houses, and as a queue supervisor, I’ve been warning people of this via a cute spiel I made up.)

    Me: “There are no light-up devices allowed inside. It will make it easier to find you, and you will be eaten alive most violently!”

    (At this point, a guest, who seems to have had both legs amputated and is in a wheelchair, speaks up.)

    Guest: “But I’ve already been half-eaten!”

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