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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Semper Bye Bye, Part 2

    | MN, USA | Health & Body, Military, Top

    (I’ve recently come back from a week off recovering from surgery. This takes place when a semi-regular customer, who has always been a bit of a pain, sees me back.)

    Customer: “You! Where the h*** have you been?! Off on vacation, I assume, off enjoying yourself not giving two s***s about your customers!”

    Me: “Actually, I was recovering from surgery.”

    Customer: “Right, you expect me to believe you had surgery done? You were probably on vacation! Don’t you know you people don’t get a vacation? You are put on this earth to cater to people like me!”

    Me: “Yeah, no.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Me: “I’m not put here to cater to you. In fact, I’m refusing you service.”

    Customer: “You can’t do that, you stupid b****! Do your f***ing job before I beat some sense into you!”

    (By this point, a coworker and the owner have overheard the commotion and come over.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Go ahead and clock out.”

    Customer: *startled* “What?”

    Coworker: “You wanted to have a go at her, right? Well, I’m letting her go clock out. I should warn you, though, she’s a black belt and she served two tours in Iraq. Good luck to you, sir.”

    Customer: *to the owner* “I want her fired!”

    Owner: “I want to watch her kick your a** all over our parking lot. We can’t always get what we want.”

    Customer: “You can’t speak to me this way! Don’t you know who I am?”

    Owner: “Can’t say that I care who you are.”

    Customer: “I’m very important!”

    Coworker: “No you aren’t. People who say that are never important. Are you also kind of a big deal?”

    Customer: “I DEMAND something be done about this! What are you going to do?!”

    Owner: “Well, first I’m going to kick you out, then I’m going to let her go kick you around our parking lot, THEN I plan to give both my employees here raises for having to deal with people like you.”

    Customer: “You can’t do that!”

    Owner: “Sure I can. Oh, and I’d get moving if I were you. I’m sending her to clock out right now.”

    Customer: “Right, like you can do anything to me.”

    Me: “Honey, I was trained by the US Marines. Do you really want to take that chance?”

    (The customer finally believes me and suddenly looks terrified. He starts backing away with his hands out.)

    Customer: “Hey, we were just fooling… no harm done, right?”

    Me: “Wrong, I’ll give you a ten second head start…”

    (The customer runs out of the store in a blind panic. We never saw him again after that. My coworker and I did in fact get a raise!)

    Related:
    Semper Bye Bye

    Calling It A** I See It

    | Kansas, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (I’m just getting over a bad case of poison ivy when this happens. I’m called over by a middle-aged man.)

    Customer: “Hey, ugly! Can you help me?”

    Coworker: “What did you call her?!”

    Customer: “What she is.” *to me* “Can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, moron.”

    Customer: “What did you call me?!”

    Me: “What you are.”

    Suffocatingly Insufferable

    | Michigan, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I work in an enclosed collision center where the customer can drive in for an estimate. We therefore ask all customers to turn off their vehicle while it’s inside to prevent the fumes from building up.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! Can you please turn your vehicle off and we can start the estimate?”

    Customer: “No, I will not! My children are in the car. It is far too hot for them!”

    Me: “We have to have the vehicle turned off. The fumes can build up in here very quickly making everyone—including your children—very sick.”

    Customer: “I care that my children are too HOT. I don’t care if they get SICK!”

    You Say Barokee, I Say You Need To Pee

    | Sardis, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a convenience store on the way to a lake (popular with tourists), and the till faces the front door. Currently, two women are in line, the first of which is paying with her debit card. Her back is to the door, and her head is down. Suddenly, a man comes bursting through the door yelling. Both women are incredibly startled.)

    Man: “BAAARRRROKEE!”

    Woman #1: “Oh my God!” *bolts upright*

    (Woman #2 starts laughing hysterically, while Woman #1 has stopped in the middle of entering her pin to stare.)

    Man: “BAAAAAA. ROOOOOO. KEEEEEEE. BAROOKEE. BAROOKE!”

    Me: “Bathroom key?”

    Man: “Yeah! Barookee!”

    (He runs off in the direction of the bathroom, arms literally flailing.)

    Woman #2: “How did you know what the heck he was saying?”

    Me: *deadpan* “I speak tourist.”

    Painful Showers Bring Mayday Flowers

    | Midwest, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

    (While working at the flower shop, I’m trying to quickly help a pushy customer.)

    Customer #1: “Could you HURRY up? I’m in a rush!”

    (I hurriedly wrap her flowers in tissue. In my rush to appease her, I staple my thumb to the paper. The staple is completely closed, going through BOTH my thumb and the paper. It immediately starts bleeding on her flowers.)

    Me: “OW! Oh, gosh, I need to get some help with this!”

    Customer #1: “No! I need my flowers! Give them to me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am bleeding all over your flowers. I need some help getting this out of my thumb. I’m sorry, but you’ll need to wait.”

    Customer #1: “NO! HURRY UP!”

    Me: “Do you want bloody flowers?”

    Customer #1: “I don’t care about your thumb! Get me new flowers!”

    (At this point, I notice Customer #2, who is standing behind her, getting woozy at the sight of my bleeding stapled thumb.)

    Me: *to Customer #2* “Sir, are you going to be okay?”

    Customer #1: “Stop helping him! You’re supposed to be helping me!”

    (Finally, a coworker hears the commotion and comes up front. She immediately gets on rubber gloves and starts trying to pry the staple out.)

    Customer #1: “I can’t believe this! If I wasn’t in such a hurry, I would just go somewhere else!”

    Customer #2: *still looking green* “Lady, just go somewhere else! Leave the poor girl alone!”

    Customer #1: “Lazy employees!” *throws her hands in the air and leaves*

    (Soon, the staple is gone and my wound is bandaged. At least my day ended on a high point—Customer #2 was very pleasant and bought me a flower!)


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