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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Disabling The Able Disabled

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I have been in a wheelchair since age three. Despite this, I can push my own cart just fine while wheeling myself around. A customer in the store notices me.)

    Customer: “Ma’am, do you need help? One of my kids can help you push your cart.”

    Me: “No, thank you; I am doing just fine.”

    Customer: “But you’re disabled! You can’t do anything on your own!”

    (The customer tries to grab the cart. I hold onto it.)

    Me: “I can do it just fine on my own, thank you!”

    Customer: “See, that’s the problem these days! You people not accepting help!”

    Emerging Non Emergencies Reaching Emergency Levels

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I work at the check-in counter for the ER. A patient comes in, dragging her very embarrassed teenage daughter behind her.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Patient: “Yeah, I’m bringing in my daughter.”

    Me: “And what brings you to the emergency room today, ma’am?”

    Patient: “My daughter.”

    Me: “I see. What is wrong with your daughter that brings you in tonight?”

    Patient: “Her monthly is irregular.”

    Me: “So, you want to bring her to the emergency room for irregular periods?”

    Patient: “Duh!”

    Me: “Have you taken her to her family doctor?”

    Patient: “No!”

    (As we’re not legally allowed to turn away any patient, I begin the registration.)

    Patient: “And me, too.”

    Me: “You want to check yourself in, too, for irregular periods?”

    Patient: “No! God!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What are we checking you in for?”

    Patient: “Can’t you see it?!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Patient: “My face!”

    (She shoves her face up close to mine.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but you’ll need to be a little more specific.”

    Patient: “I got ‘the zits’!”

    (Her face looks fine. I see one blemish that doesn’t even look like a zit.)

    Me: “So, you came to the… emergency room… for adult acne?”

    Patient: “YES! God, what are you, stupid?”

    Me: “And have you seen your doctor about this?”

    Patient: “No! This is my doctor!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the emergency room. We treat emergencies. We are not your regular doctor.”

    Patient: “Yes, you are. FIX IT!”

    Making A Spectacle Of Herself

    | Middlebury, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I normally wear contacts. I am in a rush before work and just put my glasses on. A regular customer comes through later in the morning.)

    Me: “Hi! Just a medium today?”

    Regular: “Just the medium—hey, you’re wearing glasses! You never wore them before.”

    Me: “That’s because I always wear my contacts, ma’am.”

    Regular: “Don’t lie to me. You don’t need those!”

    Me: “I’ve needed glasses since I was nine.”

    Regular: “You know, I’m sick of you ‘hipster’ kids wearing ‘nerd’ glasses for fun! There are those of us that need them, and don’t appreciate what you’re doing!”

    (I motion to my black plastic frames with their small rectangular lenses.)

    Me: “I’m not hipster, and my lenses are too small to be nerdy.”

    (The regular reaches across the counter, and grabs the glasses off my face.)

    Regular: “You kids need to realize glasses aren’t just a fashion accessory!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please give those back.”

    (The regular puts them on, then flings them to the floor when she realizes exactly how strong they are. She picks them up and scratches a lens as she tries to figure out if they’re real. She throws them on the counter, breaking off one of the side arms.)

    Regular: “What the h*** is wrong with those? Why are the lenses so weird?”

    Me: “As I said, ma’am, I’ve needed glasses since I was nine. Actually, my vision is so bad that I legally cannot drive or even work without wearing vision correction. You just broke my only pair of glasses, which the local vision center does not carry anymore. How would you like to repay me for these?”

    (The regular takes her coffee and pretty much runs. My manager sees the whole thing on camera from the office, and gets her information from the next time she comes in. Because we have proof she had destroyed my property, she didn’t fight handing me a check to cover the cost of a whole new pair of glasses.)

    Shaming Special On The Pre-Wedding Aisle, Part 2

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m taking care of my younger sister, who is 10. We’re having a movie night, and are grabbing some snacks at a nearby store. I am 19 and female.)

    Me: “Okay, pick out what you want.”

    Sister: “Can I have whatever I want?”

    Me: “Of course! You can pick out anything.”

    (Another customer notices my sister picking out some candy.)

    Customer: “Humph! You should be ashamed of yourself.”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Having a child at your age. It’s disgraceful. And now you’re wasting your welfare money on junk food. It’s your fault the economy is so terrible.”

    Me: “I’m afraid you’re mistaken. She’s not my daughter, she’s my sister. I’m babysitting for the night.”

    Customer: “That’s just the lie you tell people so you don’t get strange looks. I’ll bet your kid’s spoiled rotten.”

    Me: “Actually, she is my sister. This is our night to have fun together. And I’m not on welfare. I actually work part time, and have a large scholarship for the university I attend. My sister isn’t spoiled. She’s very sweet and very smart.”

    Customer: “You’d like to think that wouldn’t you?”

    (My little sister interjects by talking to me.)

    Sister: “How old are you?”

    Me: “I’m 19.”

    Sister: “And I’m 10. If I was your baby, you’d be a mom at nine, right?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Sister: “She can’t be my mom. She’s not old enough. Maybe you should get new glasses.”

    (The other customer sputters for a moment, then walks away.)

    Me: “I think we should get some ice cream too.”

    Related:
    Shaming Special On The Pre-Wedding Aisle

    Acting Like A Dog

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “You’re a very pretty girl. How old are you?”

    (I get flustered and blush as I finish the paperwork for his dog’s stay.)

    Me: “Uh, thank you, sir. I just, uh, I just turned 21.”

    Customer: “You’re still a little girl! I’ll be 40 this month. You know what that means: prostate exams. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

    (I am hurriedly finishing the paperwork.)

    Me: “Your total is $235. Thank you for choosing our kennel. I hope Bruiser enjoyed his stay! He’s a sweetie; we would welcome him back anytime.”

    Customer: “You didn’t answer my question. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “No, sir. I do not. How would you like to pay?”

    (He leans over the counter.)

    Customer: “A pretty little redhead like you? I’m sure you know a lot about a lot of things.”

    Me: “I see you’ve previously used Visa. Would you like for us to charge the same card?”

    Customer: “I’d like for you to answer my question, honey.”

    (A coworker has overheard our interaction came to the front. He is approximately 6’3″ and solid muscle. His hair is also a brighter shade of red than mine.)

    Coworker: “I heard somebody up here likes redheads.”

    Customer: “I was talking to—”

    Coworker: “I know who you were talking to, and if you do not stop talking to her, the only thing that will be up your a** is my foot. Now how would you like to pay, sir?”

    (The customer promptly pays. The kennel owner received complaints about both my coworker and I, but she had also had incredibly creepy interactions with this client. She informed him that his business was no longer welcome.)

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