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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Inking And Thinking

    | NS, Canada | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am a young research nurse in an emergency department. I have a large, brightly-colored sleeve tattoo. A young girl—maybe 18 to 19 years old—is visiting a patient.)

    Coworker: “Hey, come in here a minute. These girls really like your tattoo!”

    (We go through the standard appreciation and explanation.)

    Girl: “My mom always said if I got a tattoo, I would never get a decent job. Now I can tell her she’s wrong!”

    Me: “Haha, yeah. I am living proof.”

    (The girl smiles from ear to ear.)

    When The Pill Popper Pops

    | FL, USA | Health & Body

    (My father is a physician. I am waiting to take him to lunch when a patient comes stomping out of his exam room with him.)

    Patient: “All I’m saying is, I need a prescription for Vicodin!”

    My Father: “Ma’am, I’m not writing you a prescription for that. Your condition is in no way severe enough for narcotic pain medication. I can prescribe you some Ibuprofen if you’d like something to help with inflammation.”

    Patient: “F*** you! I said I needed Vicodin! My wrist really hurts, and other doctors have given it to me without all this s***!”

    My Father: “I’m sorry your wrist hurts, but nothing shows up to suggest there is anything serious going on. If those other doctors will write you the prescription, you’re welcome to go to them for a second opinion.”

    (It has become obvious that she is not getting what she wants, so she settles instead for cursing and yelling at my father as much as she can on her way out. She verbally abuses the nurse at the front desk, and then turns to deliver the best parting shot she can come up with.)

    Patient: “You’re pathetic! Get a real f****** job!”

    A Dance Dance Revolution Revelation

    | OH, USA | Geeks Rule, Health & Body, Top

    (My friend wants to sign up for a ‘Dance Dance Revolution’ contest, and drags me with her to the sign up table.)

    Friend: “Sign me up!”

    Registration: “What’s your name?”

    (She gives registration her name and he puts her down on the chart. Then he turns to me.)

    Registration: “And your name?”

    Me: “Oh, no. I’m not playing, thanks.”

    Registration: “Why not?”

    Me: “Um… my boots are too heavy.”

    (I show him the four-inch platform costume combat boots I have on. Upon seeing this, the guy working registration slowly pushes himself back from the table. He turns in his chair, so I can see his legs. One of his legs is a prosthetic, which he seems to have enforced with duct tape at the thigh.)

    Registration: “I’m playing. What’s your excuse again?”

    Me: “…sign me up.”

    Weekly Roundup: Health & Body

    | Not Always Right | Health & Body, Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: Health & Body. This week, we share five stories about customers dealing with (and sometimes creating) health and body issues!

    1. Selfish Smokers (8,128 thumbs up)
    2. If The Zits Don’t Kill You, The Angst Will (4,553 thumbs up)
    3. It’s A Perm, Not A Sperm (2,716 thumbs up)
    4. Miss Diagnosis (2,961 thumbs up)
    5. Hollywood, M.D. (2,202 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    The Biggest Abuser

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a manager at a fairly large grocery store. We have a regular customer who is paralyzed from the waist down. He’s roughly 20 years old. He is scooting around on one of the store’s electric scooters, when an obese customer walks up to him.)

    Customer: “How dare you go around the store in one of those! You’re taking them away from people like me who do need them!”

    Regular: “Well, ma’am, I’ve been paralyzed ever since I was 14. While you can walk around and get your groceries, I certainly can’t, so I’d say I need this more that you.”

    Customer: “You make me sick; pretending to be a cripple!”

    (The customer then PULLS the regular out of the chair and drops him. I run over to try to help him.)

    Customer: “You! Get this sick piece of trash out of here! He’s pretending to be a cripple and—”

    Me: “I’m going to cut you off right there. [Regular] is most assuredly disabled, and you just picked him up and slammed him into the ground. Get out of my store, now, before I call the cops.”

    Customer: “This is an injustice! I’ll sue you!” *knocks things off shelves and leaves*

    (I get a call from corporate around a week later, because the customer has filed a complaint. I explain what really happened, and get the regular to confirm my story. The complaint is dropped, and the rowdy customer never returns.)

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