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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    How To Deal With A Customer’s Crap

    | Property ManagementTX, USA | Health & Body

    (I am a property manager for a homeowner’s association. I get a call from a homeowner.)

    Homeowner: “Yes, I’m calling to tell you that you need to pick up the dirty diaper in my front lawn.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, that’s not what I do.”

    Homeowner: “Well, somebody needs to pick it up! Who do you think will pick it up if you don’t?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s your house. You’re responsible for maintaining your home. I’m not obligated to clean your lawn.”

    Homeowner: “Well, then you can rot in H*** along with that diaper!”

    He Is Twice The Man

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Top

    (For the Halloween season, we’re running several horror houses, which aren’t otherwise open throughout the year. Light-up devices aren’t allowed inside any of the houses, and as a queue supervisor, I’ve been warning people of this via a cute spiel I made up.)

    Me: “There are no light-up devices allowed inside. It will make it easier to find you, and you will be eaten alive most violently!”

    (At this point, a guest, who seems to have had both legs amputated and is in a wheelchair, speaks up.)

    Guest: “But I’ve already been half-eaten!”

    Inex-spews-able Behavior

    | TX, USA | Health & Body

    (A woman comes in and appears clean and normal. She hands my coworker a plastic bag.)

    Customer: “Could you be a dear and throw this away? I hate having trash in my car.”

    Coworker: “Sure…”

    (As my coworker takes the bag, which isn’t sealed, stuff leaks all over her desk. She leans down to examine it, and it is vomit.)

    Customer: “That is disgusting! You spilled my vomit all over your desk. I should have your boss fire you for making me feel sick all over again!” *storms off*

    Urine Her Way

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer comes in and so far has been acting completely normal.) 

    Customer: “May I use your restroom?”

    Me: *gesturing to the sign right behind me* “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a public restroom.”

    (Suddenly the customer grabs her crotch like a child, and starts hopping up and down. She tries to take off running to the gas station across the street, and I shout after her that they don’t have a public restroom either. I see her run out of the gas station, squat down next to the air pump, and begin peeing. She then returns to my store.)

    Customer: *sighs with relief* “When you have to go, you have to go.” *winks at me and walks out*

    Hair Unapparent For This Fair Parent

    | Eustis, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (Note: Customer #1 is a well-known regular in her late twenties who has been coming to our store since before her son could walk. She usually sports funky hair while her son is in elementary school and likes talking to the employees. On this day, Customer #1 seems to be in pain but we’re talking as I scan her items while her son is joking about school with the bagger. Another customer, Customer #2, is waiting impatiently.)

    Customer #2: “Will you all stop talking and hurry up?”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but this lady has quite a few items. As you can see, we’re both working as well as talking. If you don’t want to wait, you can take your things to the customer service desk where they’ll be happy to help you.”

    Bagger: *to Customer #1* “Do you need help out today?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, please, and thank you.”

    Customer #2: “What the heck?! Why are you being so d*** lazy? Other people need help out. Do it yourself.”

    Me: “There are other baggers who will happily come over and help you if you need, ma’am.”

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “You young people are so d*** lazy these days. You probably stay home and paint your hair all those ridiculous colors. I bet you’ve never even worked a day in your life. What the h*** kind of example are you setting for your kid?”

    Customer #1: “Not that it’s really your business, but you’re wrong. I worked for [local city] before my son was born. I worked at a [local gas station] until the fact that I have [chronic illness 1] and [chronic illness 2] meant I was in too much pain. I’m having a very rough day today and wouldn’t have come out if I didn’t have to pick up my medication and food. [Son] isn’t strong enough to help with the heavy things, so I’m accepting the bagger’s offer to do so.”

    Customer #2: “Well, I, uh…”

    Customer #1′s Son: “You’re a mean lady, and I shouldn’t act like you!”

    Customer #1: “…And that’s the example I set for my son. I hope you learned something too!”


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