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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    We Prefer Our Privates Private

    | Edmonton, Canada | Health & Body

    (At my store we sell Saxx, a type of men’s boxer briefs that contains a “holder” for added support and comfort for men. These sell for around $25- $30. A customer is buying 2 pairs.)

    Me: “So, the Saxx will be final sale because they are an undergarment. Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “But why are they final sale? What if I decide I don’t like them?”

    Me: “Well, typically people don’t want to purchase products that have already been worn, especially underwear.”

    Customer: “But these are men’s underwear!”

    Me: “That doesn’t make a difference. For hygienic reasons, we can’t resell these. So, they’re a final sale.”

    Customer: “Fine! But I don’t see what the problem is. Men don’t care about that; only women do!”

    Sink Or Dim(witted)

    | Vernon, NJ, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work for a large water park that has a ride which involves a jump off a 25 foot cliff and a Tarzan rope swing. On these rides, we have a series of questions we legally must ask.)

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Huh?”

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Oh…uh…yeah, of course.”

    Me: “Any head, neck, or back injuries?”

    Guest: *indignant* “Would I be standing here if I did? No injuries!”

    Me: “Any history of heart problems?”

    Guest: “Nope.”

    Me: “Any shoulder dislocations?”

    Guest: *rolls shoulders* “No, I’m good.”

    Me: “Okay, no flipping or diving. Grab this rope, and you’re good to go…”

    (The guest proceeds to swing out over water and falls off almost instantly. I look down and see him struggling to stay afloat, so my coworker jumps in and leads him to the ladder. I close off the ride to fill out a report for the save.)

    Me: *to coworker* “What happened?!”

    Coworker: “I don’t exactly know. He says his shoulder hurts.”

    Me: “Sir, have you ever had a dislocated shoulder?”

    Guest: “Yes, why do you ask?”

    Me: “Because when I asked you before, you said no, and now you hurt it. Also, was it because of your shoulder that you were having trouble swimming?”

    Guest: “No. I just can’t swim.”

    Me: “So, when I asked if you were a good swimmer, why did you say yes?”

    Guest: “I didn’t realize I would have to swim!”

    Related:
    No, Really: Sink Or Swim

    Don’t Try Doctoring The Doctor

    | Sydney, Australia | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am a medical receptionist for a busy medical centre. On this particular Friday night, we only have two doctors on and at least 35 people waiting. A new patient comes in.)

    New Patient: “Yes, I’d like to see a doctor, please.”

    Me: “Certainly sir. Although I must tell you, there will be approximately an hour and half wait. As you can see, we are very busy tonight.”

    New Patient: “Are you sure you can’t just squeeze me in at the top of the queue? I couldn’t be bothered to go to work today, so I need a medical certificate.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that won’t be possible. We have a large number of patients with more serious ailments.”

    New Patient: “That’s f***ing ridiculous!”

    (About ten minutes pass. One of the doctors comes out and calls another patient’s name.)

    Doctor: “Mr. [another patient]?”

    New Patient: “Yes! That’s me!”

    Doctor: “No, it’s not.”

    New Patient: “How do you know?! How dare you assume that I’m lying! Do you know who I am?!”

    Doctor: “I know for a fact that you’re not my brother-in-law, whose name I just called.”

    New Patient: *sheepishly picks up his bags and leaves*

    What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stranger

    | County Tyrone, Ireland | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am helping a customer choose clothes for her son while he tries them on in the changing room. She is on the older side of middle-aged and has a terrible cough.)

    Customer: *begins coughing and spluttering again*

    Me: “Ma’am, we have some seats over here if you’d like to sit down. Can I get you a drink of water?”

    Customer: “No, no. I am a fighter.”

    Me: “Um, are you sure you wouldn’t at least like to sit down?”

    Customer: “No! I have been in three business meetings today! I am a fighter!”

    (Please note that this is 2pm on a Sunday afternoon.)

    Me: “Okay, but if you need anything, just ask.”

    Customer: “Listen, you only live once. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! *grabs my hands* “I AM A FIGHTER! I WILL NOT DIE! I AM DESIGNING MY OWN CLOTHES AND WILL PUT [my store] OUT OF BUSINESS!”

    As Stupid As She Is Contagious

    | Columbus, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (It’s late one evening when a customer walks into the store, obviously not feeling well. Our store emails coupons to loyal customers.)

    Customer: “I have coupons but I forgot to print them out. I’m not asking for the discount today, but if I bring them in tomorrow could I still get the discount?”

    Manager: “To get the discount on today’s items, you will have to have the coupons with you when you checkout.”

    Customer: “You’re kidding me! So you want me to come all the way back here tonight when I’m this sick?”

    (She storms to the back of the store, grabs a small bag of dog food, and tosses it roughly onto the counter.)

    Customer: “Who’s your district manager? This is such crappy service! I shouldn’t even be out doing this today! I was just diagnosed with whooping cough!” *leaves*

    (Both my manager and I look at each other, surprised. He takes down her information and gives her the number for the district manager.)

    Me: “Why’d you take her information down?”

    Manager: “So I know who to send my medical bill to if I get sick.”


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