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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Dance Dance Revolution Revelation

    | OH, USA | Geeks Rule, Health & Body, Top

    (My friend wants to sign up for a ‘Dance Dance Revolution’ contest, and drags me with her to the sign up table.)

    Friend: “Sign me up!”

    Registration: “What’s your name?”

    (She gives registration her name and he puts her down on the chart. Then he turns to me.)

    Registration: “And your name?”

    Me: “Oh, no. I’m not playing, thanks.”

    Registration: “Why not?”

    Me: “Um… my boots are too heavy.”

    (I show him the four-inch platform costume combat boots I have on. Upon seeing this, the guy working registration slowly pushes himself back from the table. He turns in his chair, so I can see his legs. One of his legs is a prosthetic, which he seems to have enforced with duct tape at the thigh.)

    Registration: “I’m playing. What’s your excuse again?”

    Me: “…sign me up.”

    Weekly Roundup: Health & Body

    | Not Always Right | Health & Body, Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: Health & Body. This week, we share five stories about customers dealing with (and sometimes creating) health and body issues!

    1. Selfish Smokers (8,128 thumbs up)
    2. If The Zits Don’t Kill You, The Angst Will (4,553 thumbs up)
    3. It’s A Perm, Not A Sperm (2,716 thumbs up)
    4. Miss Diagnosis (2,961 thumbs up)
    5. Hollywood, M.D. (2,202 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    The Biggest Abuser

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a manager at a fairly large grocery store. We have a regular customer who is paralyzed from the waist down. He’s roughly 20 years old. He is scooting around on one of the store’s electric scooters, when an obese customer walks up to him.)

    Customer: “How dare you go around the store in one of those! You’re taking them away from people like me who do need them!”

    Regular: “Well, ma’am, I’ve been paralyzed ever since I was 14. While you can walk around and get your groceries, I certainly can’t, so I’d say I need this more that you.”

    Customer: “You make me sick; pretending to be a cripple!”

    (The customer then PULLS the regular out of the chair and drops him. I run over to try to help him.)

    Customer: “You! Get this sick piece of trash out of here! He’s pretending to be a cripple and—”

    Me: “I’m going to cut you off right there. [Regular] is most assuredly disabled, and you just picked him up and slammed him into the ground. Get out of my store, now, before I call the cops.”

    Customer: “This is an injustice! I’ll sue you!” *knocks things off shelves and leaves*

    (I get a call from corporate around a week later, because the customer has filed a complaint. I explain what really happened, and get the regular to confirm my story. The complaint is dropped, and the rowdy customer never returns.)

    Prescribing Perspective

    | AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer #1: “I’m picking up a script for [name].”

    (I proceed to look it up. However, the system alerts me that we do not have anything ready.)

    Me: “I don’t see that we have anything ready for you, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “What do you mean, you don’t have anything! They called two days ago!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am. If a prescription sits on our shelf for too long, we have to put it back on our stock shelf.”

    Customer #1: “It’s only been a week! That’s just stupid! Give me back my script! I’ll go to [rival store]! Only one week! Absurd!”

    (I escort her to my co-worker, so that I may help the other customers in line.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, honey, I think I may have done the same thing and waited too long; can you check?”

    Me: “Certainly, sir.”

    (I check, and indeed his was placed back to stock as well.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m afraid so.”

    (Customer #2 speaks loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, shoot. IT’S PURELY MY FAULT FOR FORGETTING, EVEN AFTER Y’ALL WERE SO NICE TO CALL ME TWICE. Thank you, sugar; I’ll go talk to [co-worker].”

    100% Idiot

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (An angry customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “I purchased a pregnancy test from here, and it doesn’t work! I want my money back! I’ll never come here again! Stupid thing didn’t work!”

    Me: “Okay… did you use it properly?”

    Customer: “Do I look like an idiot?! I peed on a stick. Anyone can pee on a f****** stick!”

    Me: “Did any type of line come up?”

    Customer: “No, not a single line. Just a f****** number 30. How can I be 30% pregnant?”

    Me: “Well, this is the first I’ve heard about this. Do you have the box with you so I can check if there have been any problems before?”

    (The customer hands me the box. I stare at it and try not to laugh.)

    Me: “Uh… you do realise that this is a thermometer, right?”

    Customer: *runs out of the store*

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