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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Real Mystery Shopper

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I answer a phone call while working the cash register. The voice on the other end is male.)

    Caller: *obviously uncomfortable* “Um… uh… could I ask you to do me a favor?”

    Me: “Certainly. What do you need?”

    Customer: “Can you grab a box of tampons and hold it at the counter for me?” *he specifies the brand and strength* “I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

    Me: “Uh, sure.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (A little while later, a man comes up in line with several grocery items.)

    Customer: *mutters* “I believe you’re holding an item for me?”

    (I grab the box and, taking care to hold it lower than counter level so others don’t see, I confirm that the item is correct. When he nods, I scan it as stealthily as possible and slip it into his bag.)

    Customer: *looks around nervously* “Thank you so much.”

    (Later, I’m telling my boss about the odd incident.)

    Boss: “Your mission, should you choose to accept it…” *begins to sing the ‘Mission: Impossible’ theme*

    Needs To Get Their Education Straight

    | Williston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (I am waiting on my mom to get out of her doctor’s appointment. I overhear a conversation between a 17-year-old patient and the doctor.)

    Patient: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MIGHT BE PREGNANT?!”

    Doctor: “Well, ma’am, you said you haven’t been having your period, and you have been having sex with your boyfriend, so it is highly possible.”

    Patient: “But I’m a lesbian! I can’t get pregnant!”

    Doctor: “Oh? I apologize. I thought you said you had a boyfriend. Well then, we should try other tests. And I apologize to you and your girlfriend.”

    Patient: “Ew, what? I do have a boyfriend! Why would I date a girl?”

    Doctor: “Then you aren’t a lesbian. And you are probably pregnant.”

    Patient: “I am a lesbian! My mom told my boyfriend and I that she wished I was a lesbian so I wouldn’t get pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided that I was a lesbian, so mom wouldn’t have to worry.”

    Doctor: “Miss, that is not how it works, and not what she meant.”

    Patient: “Screw you! I know my mom better then you do. You just lost a patient since you don’t even know lesbians can’t get pregnant!” *storms out*

    Getting Them Back Is True Therapy

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m a barista at a coffee shop. We’re pretty busy, but two older female customers are talking loudly enough to be heard by the whole shop.)

    Woman #1: “Well, at least your daughter hasn’t forgotten that she is a woman.”

    Woman #2: “Oh, I know. It’s such a shame when a girl forgets her feminine side.”

    (At this point, Woman #2 sees a bald teenager on the other side of the shop and gestures towards her.)

    Woman #2: “Like her. She’d be so pretty with hair!”

    (Hearing this, the bald girl stands up, completely calm, and walks over to the two women. The entire shop falls silent.)

    Bald girl: *holds out her hand* “Hi, my name is [name] and I’m going through chemotherapy.”

    (Both women go scarlet and run out of the shop. The girl got an ovation and a free drink.)

    And The Children Shall (Eat) Lead

    | Scotland, UK | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (We stock painted mediaeval knight figurines. However, they have removable weapons and are painted with lead paint, so they’re all kept on a high shelf out of the reach of children. Just to be safe, there are signs next to the figures stating that they are not safe for children. One day, I see a small boy gnawing on a William Wallace figure’s head, so I rush over and snatch it off him.)

    Mother: “How dare you! That was very rude!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. It’s just that this is not a toy, and is painted with lead paint. It’s not safe for him to be playing with, and definitely not safe to chew.”

    Mother: “What?! It shouldn’t have been within his reach! What kind of death-trap store is this?!”

    Me: “I’m so, so sorry, ma’am. Another customer must have moved it. I ought to have spotted it sooner. ”

    (I’m feeling guilty, until the kid pipes up.)

    Kid: “Mommy, I was quiet! You said I could have it if I was quiet!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you didn’t give this to your child, did you?”

    Mother: “How was I supposed to know it was dangerous?”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are distinct signs all around the figurines.” *I point to the four signs posted around the figures* “Also, they’re kept well out of the reach of children for exactly that reason.”

    Mother: “I don’t have time to read f***ing signs! They shouldn’t have been in my reach either!”

    Me: “I agree completely, ma’am.”

    No Wait To Her Argument

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Time

    (I’m running slightly late to meet a patient. I arrive about five minutes after the appointment time to find no one there. I wait around, wondering if she was perhaps caught up in traffic. After half an hour goes by, I call her.)

    Patient: *rudely* “Hello!?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [name] of [clinic name]. We had a 4 pm appointment today, but I didn’t see you.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was waiting forever, and you never showed!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry I missed you. How long were you waiting?”

    Patient: “45 minutes.”

    Me: “Huh? But it’s 4:30 now and there’s no one here.”

    Patient: “Yeah, I know! I left at 4pm!”

    Me: “But, that’s when our appointment was.”

    Patient: “Right! I can’t believe you were so late!”

    Me: “Please correct me if I’m wrong, but [clinic] is by-appointment-only, which means I am not in the office unless there’s a patient. I’ve told you this, haven’t I?”

    Patient: “That’s right.”

    Me: “So you’re upset because I wasn’t here 45 minutes before I was actually supposed to be here?”

    Patient: “Yes!”

    (The weirdest thing is that I had actually treated her before, and she’d shown up fifteen minutes late without calling!)


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