Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On, Part 2

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(The store where I work just hired a new employee. I am training her. We have a huge sale going on so she is running the second register next to me. A man steps up to her station, tossing a few car parts and a set of cards of the table.)

Trainee: “Hi there, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Fine. How much?”

Trainee: *rings it all quickly* “$82.69”

Customer: “What? Where is my military discount!” *he picks up one of the cards and waves it at her*

Trainee: “I’m sorry, because of the sale we can’t add more discounts.”

Customer: “I fought for this country. I got f****** shot at. I am not paying full price.”

Me: “Sir, that isn’t full price. You can either have the 20% Military discount or the 40% sale discount. We gave you the larger discount.”

Customer: “Have you ever been shot at? No. The hardest part of your day is counting change. And you probably get paid almost as much as I do. I nearly died to protect your stupid a** so I deserve my discount. My money is worth more than yours. This dumb b**** is going to give me what I earned!”

Trainee: *casually removes prosthetic leg* “This dumb b**** disarmed bombs. What’s my money worth?”

Customer: *goes red and silently hands over card*

Trainee: “Would you like to donate to [Disabled Veteran’s Charity] today?”

Customer: “Twenty, ma’am.”

(The line set a new hourly record for donations.)

Related:
The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On

No Rush, Go Break A Leg!

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(My mom’s friend is a receptionist at a small medical clinic. When you call them, there is a message instructing you to call 911 or go to the emergency room immediately if this is an emergency, a fact which is greatly emphasized since some people tend to ignore that, followed by about two minutes of information in the event that it isn’t. My mom’s friend is talking to a patient when the phone rings and she can’t answer immediately.)

Friend: *into the phone* “Hello, please hold for a moment.”

Caller: “Okay, take your time. It’s not an emergency.”

(Five minutes later, she finally finishes talking and picks the phone back up.)

Friend: “[Medical Clinic], how may I help you?”

Caller: “So, my son just got hit by a car while crossing the street. He’s not dead, but he’s lying on the ground bleeding and I think his leg is broken. What do you think I should do?”

Shouldn’t Have Made A Meal Out Of It

| Leipzig, Germany | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am working as an alternative worker in the endoscopy ward of our hospital. The rule here is that before the medical exam in our ward the patients are not allowed to eat for some hours. Another worker brings a new patient in her bed.)

Me: “What is her exam?”

Worker: “Endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes sure. Which kind of endoscopy?”

Worker: “Just endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But which one? Gastroscopy? Colonoscopy?”

Worker: “Sorry. I don’t know more. They just told me to bring her to you.”

(I check the patient’s files and see that it is a gastroscopy. I inform the nurse.)

Me: “Okay. So you are for the gastroscopy?”

Patient: “Yes, young man. So I just ate spaghetti and now you are gonna stick a tube down my throat?”

Me: “Yes. Wait, did you said you just ate?”

Patient: “Yes, of course. I had spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti. I just had them for lunch. And now I’m here.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. You are not allowed to eat before the examination.”

(I call the nurse and inform her who also confirms it with the patient.)

Nurse: “Yes, ma’am. You were informed about this, that you are not allowed to eat before the examination. We have to reschedule the medical exam. We will talk to the doctor about a new appointment. You will have to go back to your ward.”

Patient: “But it was spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti!”

Sick Of His Secrets

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A man brought his little dog in because she wasn’t eating or going to the bathroom. The vets examined her and found that she had something stuck in her stomach blocking entrance to her small intestines. We ended up inducing vomiting. My job was to search for what could have caused the blockage.)

Me: *digging through the pile of vomit with a tongue depressor* “Ugh. Why is there so much stuff here? The guy said she wasn’t eating!”

Coworker: “Never thought I’d be digging through puke on a Saturday morning. Hey, what’s this?” *holding up a pink lacy thong with fishnet stockings stuck on it*

Me: “Oh, my god.”

(We bagged it up so the vet could show the client before sending it to the lab.)

Vet: “Sir, we found the cause of the blockage.”

Client: “Oh. OH. OH, MY… Can… can you please dispose of it?”

Vet: “We have to send it to the lab. Don’t worry; we’ll have them dispose of it.”

Client: “Thank you…”

(After he left, we all just about died laughing.)

Doctor’s Disorders

| ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

Me: “Thank you for calling pediatrics, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yeah, I saw my doctor today and she recommended I use lotrimin on my daughter’s yeast infection diaper rash but I’m at the store and the bottle says not to use on children under two except under the advice of a doctor. So I’m not sure what to do now…”

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