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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Do Not Acid Test God

    | East Lansing, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a 24-hour convenience store on a college campus I attend. A man in his twenties comes in at about 4AM. He’s the only one in the store except me, and one of my co-workers.)

    Me: “Hi there! How’re you today?”

    Customer: “Not bad.”

    (He walks over to one of the three aisles in the store before starting to strip down naked. I’m taken aback, and immediately start to call the police, while my coworker attempts to talk the man down.)

    Coworker: “Hey, dude, what are you doing? Put your clothes on!”

    Customer: “It’s a glorious day! A righteous day!”

    (The man, now fully nude, begins to touch his body to the disgust of both of us. He starts rubbing his front up against the ice-cold freezer door.)

    Me: “Sir, I’ve called the police. They’ll be here soon; please put your clothes on.”

    (The customer mumbles incoherently as he rests up against the door, touching himself very inappropriately. My coworker manages to talk him into getting into his underwear, as the cops arrive and arrest him.)

    Cop #1: “What’s your name, son?”

    Customer: “I AM GOD!”

    Cop #1: “Yeah, okay, son. Let’s go.”

    (The cops lead him out into the freezing air in only his underwear. Later in the day, they come back to explain why he did it.)

    Cop #1: “Apparently, he was on four hits of acid, and had just left a house party on campus!”

    (The customer came in the next day demanding that we return his iPhone that ‘we clearly stole’. We threw him out of the store.)

    You Got Dad’s Back

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am eight years old. My mother, father and I are all in the chemist to get some medication. My father has a rare spinal condition which is causing him to wobble when he walks, even with a frame. We’re waiting at the counter and hear a customer behind us make a remark under their breath; deliberately loud enough for us to hear.)

    Customer #1: “Drunk at 9AM; you should be ashamed.”

    (We try to ignore it.)

    Customer #1: “This is disgusting; you should be so embarrassed.”

    (I don’t like this person being rude to my father.)

    Me: “Watch your tone lady. If you’d bother to be polite and ask if my father is okay, you’d know he has a special illness that makes him this way. He’s not drunk; he’s my father, and I love him. Now apologize for being so mean about him.”

    (She goes red, stammers, and goes down an aisle. The pharmacist gives me a lollipop.)

    Bohemian Medicine

    | NV, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Health & Body, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I work as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. There are about 10 people who have been waiting for at least 90 minutes. It’s very quiet. A young man mumbles something. Some people look his way, but other than that no one pays much attention to him. He then starts singing, a little louder…)

    Young Man: “Put a gun against his head…”

    (Some people chuckle.)

    Young Man: “Pulled my trigger…”

    (The young woman sitting across from him joins in.)

    Young Woman: “…now he’s dead.”

    Old Man: “Mama, life had just begun…”

    Young man: “But now I’ve gone and thrown it all awaaaay…”

    All Three: “Mama, oooooooh! Didn’t mean to make you cry!”

    Teenage Girl: “If I’m not back again this time tomorrow…”

    All: “…carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters!”

    (By now, everyone in the waiting room has joined in.)

    All: “Too late, my time has come! Send shivers down my spine, body’s achin’ all the time!”

    (They finish the refrain just as the doctor calls his next patient. Needless to say, that little impromptu performance really brightened my day!)

    Causing Disorder

    | Toronto, ON, Canada. | Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I have ASD—autism spectrum disorder.)

    Coworker: “What is it like to have ASD?”

    Me: “Well, it’s not that bad really.”

    (Just then, a customer walks into the chain.)

    Me: “Oh, hello, ma’am. What would you like?”

    Customer: “What’s not so bad?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s just that I have ASD. I was being asked what it’s like to live with it.”

    Customer: “What!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What did I say?”

    Customer: “YOU PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE HERE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have to work somehow.”

    Customer: “GET OUT! YOU ARE TOO DISABLED TO WORK!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, she is one of the smartest people I know!”

    Customer: “Bull-s***! You people are stupid! You are in wheelchairs, and drool out of your mouths!”

    (All of a sudden the customer GRABS me by my shirt, and tries to pull me out of the counter. My friend tries to free me.)

    Customer: “GET OUT! GET OUT! YOU’RE KILLING THE MARKET! GET OUT!”

    (After three minutes of useless attempts to free me, my friend calls mall security. The yelling customer is dragged away, and is banned for life.)

    He Came First

    | ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (Two customers enter at the same time. One is a woman, and the other is a man in his 70s. I get their scripts ready. As the woman is done first, I send her up to the tills while I finish with the man. Since there is another customer at the tills, I end up putting the man through before the woman is served.)

    Woman: “I was here first! How come he is served before me? What does he have that I don’t?

    (The man responds without a second thought.)

    Man: “Raw sex appeal.”

    (If I was allowed to discount scripts, I would have given him his for free.)

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