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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Battle Of The Sexists

    | West Midlands, England, UK | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a male part time cleaner at my local leisure centre. One of my duties is to clean the toilets in reception. It is currently busy in reception, so I ensure that the female toilet is empty before putting up a sign warning customers that cleaning is in progress. As I leave the toilet with my arms full with mops, bleach, and disinfectant etc, a female customer is standing outside the door waiting.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t realise you were waiting.”

    Customer: “What were you doing in there?”

    (I gesture to my arms that are full with cleaning products.)

    Me: “Just cleaning the area for you.”

    Customer: “But those are the female toilets!”

    Me: “I am aware of that, but it is part of my job to ensure all toilets are clean.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t a woman; you shouldn’t be in there!”

    Me: “There are no female cleaners on duty. I am the only cleaner here today, and the toilets need to be cleaned.”

    Customer: “Well that is unacceptable! Where is your manager? I am making a complaint!”

    (My manager is already in the reception area, so makes her way over.)

    Manager: “What is the problem?”

    Customer: “This man was in the female toilets.”

    Manager: “Well, the area does need to be cleaned regularly, and he is our cleaner.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a d*** what his job is! He should not be in the women’s toilets.”

    Manager: “So, your complaint is that we have a male employee in the women’s toilets?”

    Customer: “D*** right it is!”

    Manager: “Would you rather the toilets were not cleaned?”

    Customer: “No, that would be stupid! Just get a woman cleaner!”

    Manager: “Then who would clean the male toilets?”

    Customer: “She can! But this pervert should be fired for going into the women’s toilets.”

    Manager: “But, wouldn’t that make her just as bad as him?”

    Customer: “Oh, you are just being awkward now! P*** off and leave me alone!”

    The Regular Is Very Regular

    | Armstrong, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (One of our regular customers is a man in his 60s. He comes in every day for cigarettes or coffee.)

    Regular: “I need to use your bathroom.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (He heads to the back and enters the bathroom. I help some customers. A few minutes later he comes out.)

    Regular: “You know, I had to go poo. I guess I wasn’t quite fast enough; I pulled down my pants and it just came out. I got half of it in my underwear, and caught some in my hands.”

    (There is a long, awfully awkward silence between my coworker and I.)

    Regular: “Well, I’ll see you later!

    (He leaves.)

    Coworker: “Don’t worry about cleaning the bathroom; you’re new. I’ll do it.”

    (My coworker goes to clean the bathroom; I can hear him moaning.)

    Coworker: “Eww! He got his mess in the sink! How could he do that? The sink is FOUR FEET away from the toilet!”

    Pregnant With Potential

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Money, Top

    (I’m stocking shelves. A customer has been browsing the same aisle for quite some time. She is visibly pregnant, and looks as though she has been crying. She’s flipping through an envelope full of coupons and scrutinizing items before putting them back on the shelf. Another customer comes down the aisle and seems to pay her close attention for a moment. The second customer leaves the aisle but then comes back a few minutes later and hesitantly walks up to the pregnant customer.)

    Nice Customer: “Excuse me. I may be way out of line, and please feel free to tell me to mind my own business if I am, but… are you afraid you’re going to have trouble paying for your groceries?”

    Pregnant Customer: “Actually, yes I am. How did you know?”

    Nice Customer: “A few years ago, I had a really difficult pregnancy. I was too sick to work and lost my job. It was a real struggle to make ends meet. I used to spend hours at the grocery store with every coupon I could find trying to save every penny I could. Looking at you was like looking in the mirror. Listen, I just went and checked out, and I came in a little under my weekly grocery budget. I know it’s not much, but I’d really like to give this to you.”

    (She hands the pregnant woman a $20 bill. The woman promptly bursts into tears.)

    Pregnant Customer: “You have no idea how much this means to me. My husband just left me for another woman. I have no idea how I’m going to support myself and my kid. My mother and brother died this year, and I have no one to lean on.”

    Nice Customer: “After the hard times I went through, things got a lot better for me. It may sound like a cliché, but I believe you’ll get through this and be stronger than ever. Just hang in there, okay?”

    Pregnant Customer: “Do you think maybe I could give you a hug?”

    Nice Customer: “Of course.”

    (The two women embrace for a long time. When they pull apart, they both wipe away tears. They don’t see, but so do I.)

    Placebo Me, Part 7

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A mother and her six-year-old child approach the concession at around 7:00 PM.)

    Child: “I want a coke!”

    Mother: “No, sweetie, you can’t have caffeine. Would you like some root beer instead?”

    Child: “Okay!”

    Me: “Oh, actually, this brand of root beer does have caffeine.”

    Mother: “Shush! Work with me here.”

    Me: “Um… okay?”

    (I proceed to make the drink. The child wanders a short distance away, looking at a poster.)

    Me: “So, why do you not want him to know it has caffeine?”

    Mother: “Well, it’s all psychological, like a placebo. I don’t want him up all night!”

    Related:
    Placebo Me, Part 6
    Placebo Me, Part 5
    Placebo Me, Part 4
    Placebo Me, Part 3
    Placebo Me, Part 2
    Placebo Me

    Inking And Thinking

    | NS, Canada | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am a young research nurse in an emergency department. I have a large, brightly-colored sleeve tattoo. A young girl—maybe 18 to 19 years old—is visiting a patient.)

    Coworker: “Hey, come in here a minute. These girls really like your tattoo!”

    (We go through the standard appreciation and explanation.)

    Girl: “My mom always said if I got a tattoo, I would never get a decent job. Now I can tell her she’s wrong!”

    Me: “Haha, yeah. I am living proof.”

    (The girl smiles from ear to ear.)

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