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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    His Magnetic Personality Won The Day

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Top

    (I am an African-American male. When I was 13, I was in a car accident that has left me with a little bit of a limp since. I have two metal rods in my leg from the accident. An elderly customer comes into my lane for checkout.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today ma’am? Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Elderly Customer: “Actually, I couldn’t find this brownie mix.”

    (The customer shows me a coupon for the mix.)

    Me: “Oh, I can get that for you! Just a moment!”

    (I start to walk away. My limp is showing, as it always is. I hear the woman speak up from behind me.)

    Elderly Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Elderly Customer: “I know that you guys like to walk like that, but could you hurry? I’m in a bit of a rush!”

    Me: “What do you mean, ma’am?”

    Elderly Customer: “The way you young lazy n****** walk these days. I’m surprised your pants are even up!”

    (Now I get what she’s saying, and I feel I should show her something. We keep fridge-magnets for sale near the checkout. I call out to a nearby coworker)

    Me: “Hey, [coworker], can you toss me a magnet?”

    (My coworker tosses ones to me, and I stick the magnet to my leg.)

    Me: “My mother and I were hit by a drunk driver when I was 13 years old. I am lucky I can even walk, since my leg is held together by metal rods.”

    (The customer is now screaming incoherently; the only words that could be made out are racial slurs and shrieking. My manager walks up.)

    Manager: “Excuse me, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store immediately. You cannot speak to my employees like that.”

    Elderly Customer: “Fine! I don’t care! I wouldn’t buy anything any n***** touched anyway!”

    (The customer continues screaming the whole way out, slowly being drowned out by people cheering her out. When I look at who has been behind her in the line the whole time, I see the girl from the coffee shop next door. I have had a little crush on her for a while. She says that was the most amazing thing she has ever seen, and asks me out!)

    He’s Got Bigot Written All Over Him

    | Absecon, NJ, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a 20-year-old girl, with several tattoos. Only the clover on my wrist is visible. An older customer comes in at least once a week.)

    Older Customer: “What happens when you get older and the tattoo looks bad?”

    Me: “That’s part of the experience of having a tattoo; it grows with you. Plus, I’m Irish, so it’s part of my heritage. It’s not like I’m going to regret it.”

    Customer: “Yes, you will. When you get old, it will get ugly, and you’ll hate it.”

    Me: “Sir, no offense, but it’s my heritage. That is not something I will hate. And even if it does get ugly, the rest of me will be wrinkled too. And really, it isn’t any of your business or concern what I do to my body.”

    (A male coworker comes up, who also has a visible tattoo. The customer says nothing to him.)

    Me: “What about his tattoo?”

    Customer: “Oh, it doesn’t matter; he’s a man. Women just shouldn’t get tattoos. They’ll make them ugly later on.”

    Of Waiting And Berating

    | Gardena, CA, USA | Health & Body

    (I am visiting my doctor’s office. There is some extensive road work going on in the surrounding area, so several people have arrived late, including me. The office is extremely busy and crowded, and the receptionist is looking very harassed.)

    Receptionist: “Unfortunately you arrived more than 15 minutes late for your appointment. The doctor won’t be able to see you now. However, if you’re willing to wait, we can fit you in at the next available window, or you can reschedule.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll wait.”

    (I take a seat and begin to read. Meanwhile, another lady goes up to the receptionist.)

    Receptionist: “Unfortunately you arrived outside of the 15 minute window we allow for your appointment, so the doctor won’t be able to see you now. If you’re willing to wait, we can fit you in at the next available slot, or we can reschedule you.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I was only two minutes past the 15 minute window! I shouldn’t have to reschedule just because of two minutes!”

    Me: “Then maybe you shouldn’t have been 17 minutes late.”

    (The customer glares at me, but continues to rant at the receptionist.)

    Customer: “Why should I have to arrive on time anyway? You doctors don’t understand what it’s like for us, always having to wait! We always have to wait for you doctors; it should go both ways! You should wait for us! With as much as I’m paying, you should wait for us!”

    Me: “Look, lady, I was late for my appointment, too. That was my fault, and I accepted it like an adult. In case you hadn’t noticed, this clinic is very full today and the doctor is too busy to wait for you to decide to show up! Now you can either sit down and wait like the rest of us, or reschedule and leave!”

    (The customer goes and sits down. She continues to rant about how unfair this is, and how much more important her time is than the rest of ours. After about 10 minutes, she stands up again.)

    Customer: “I can’t wait this ridiculous amount of time!”

    (She reschedules with the receptionist. The best part? They found an open slot for my appointment only 15 minutes later!)

    A Badly Drawn Request

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a theme park as a caricature artist.)

    Customer: “Hey, if I get one of these done can you make me skinny?”

    Me: “Well, it’s a caricature, so you can have an exaggerated bikini body or something if you like?”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Can you make my teeth look better, too?”

    (I can see the customer has a gap in her teeth.)

    Me: “Well, if you’re sensitive about something like that you could always give me a closed mouth smile.”

    Customer: “And could you make me blonde? And maybe a smaller nose?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure you’d want a picture if I altered it that much.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because… it wouldn’t look like you!”

    He Has A Potty Dance But No Potty Mouth

    | Washington, DC, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (A well-dressed businessman in a suit comes over to check in. He’s acting very strangely; he’s jumping down on one leg, then the other, and twirling around. His face is red and sweaty, though it’s not a very hot day, and he is panting slightly. I figure he’s just weird, and give him his keys. He SPRINTS off. I turn to a coworker.)

    Me: “What was his problem? Why was he acting like that?”

    Coworker: “Like what?”

    Me: “You saw him.”

    Coworker: “Oh, he probably had to go to the bathroom or something.”

    Me: “Oh! Well why didn’t he say so? There are bathrooms down here in the lobby.”

    (Suddenly, the same customer is back. His face is now purple.)

    Customer: “KEYS! NOT WORKING!”

    (He throws the keys in my face, and sprints off towards the lobby bathrooms.)

    Coworker: “See?”

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