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    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    She Has An Anachronic Case

    | New Zealand | Health & Body, History, Top

    (My mother is a schoolteacher. To celebrate the end of school, she and the other teachers have a party, of which the theme is anachronisms. My mother wears, among other things, a Greek toga and a top hat. During the party, she hurts her leg and phones me to help her get to the hospital. We finally get to see a doctor at two o’clock in the morning.)

    Doctor: “So, er… What’s the problem?”

    Mum: “I hurt my leg during a party.”

    (She shows him where it hurts, and the doctor feels around for a while.)

    Doctor: “How exactly did you do this?”

    Mum: “Well, the music came on, and I was so excited to start dancing that I jumped up, and suddenly my muscle went pop!”

    Doctor: “This is probably the most interesting accident we’ve had for a while. Will you take off your socks, please, so I can see better?”

    (My mother pulls them off to reveal her blackened toes, which she had coloured in before the party.)

    Doctor: “What’s that?”

    Mum: “Oh, don’t mind that. It’s just the bubonic plague.”

    (Later, as I am sitting in the waiting room while my mum has her leg bandaged, I hear the doctor saying she’d made his night!)

    Dancers In The Dark Coffee

    | USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (A young customer woman in ballet shoes comes running into the shop. She looks exhausted.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; this is going to be a really big order.”

    (She starts to rattle off a huge order. Being the only barista, I start on them as soon as she done ordering. While making the coffees, a regular walks in.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; she’ll probably be a little bit. I have really big order.”

    (The regular just scoffs, and stands at the register. I focus on the drinks I’m making.)

    Regular: “Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be there in just a moment; I want to make sure all of her—”

    Regular: “Forget her f****** order! She and her little friends will just waste the damn drinks. Dancers, bah.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Regular: “You heard me. All you stupid little girls thinking that they’re an athlete because they can f****** dance!”

    (The customer takes a few steps back.)

    Customer: “Right, it’s so easy. Then how about you follow me.”

    (She bends backwards, practically touching her ankles. She slides back up, before standing on point. She brings one leg up and begins to spin on one foot, in place. She does it a few more times, before smirking at my regular. Still on point.)

    Customer: “Your turn.”

    (The regular scoffs, and huffs about the register until the order is finished.)

    Gay Rights And Copyrights

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bigotry, Health & Body

    (A female customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “I want to return this Jillian Michael’s Work Out DVD Set.”

    Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I just found out that she’s gay. I don’t want to stare at a gay woman exercising. She’ll turn me gay.”

    Me: “…right. Well, I’m sorry, but I cannot take this back.”

    Customer: “You want me to be gay?!”

    Me: “Um, no. The kit is opened, and for copyright reasons I cannot return opened DVDs.”

    Customer: “If I go to Hell, it’s your fault!”

    Left A Stool In The Stall, Part 2

    | Leicestershire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in a store that is particularly popular with the elderly. I am helping out with the changing rooms. A little old lady shuffles up to me without any clothes. I try not to look.)

    Me: “Oh! Uh… how did you… uh… find it, ma’am?”

    (The lady gives me an awkward smile, and potters off.)

    Coworker: “She’ll have left a mess in the room; go tidy up.”

    (As I near the empty changing room, an overpowering smell hits me. I slowly open the door to the room, revealing the sweet little old lady has ‘relieved’ her bowels in a corner of the room! Whilst I am standing there, gagging in shock, me coworker appears and sighs.)

    Coworker: “God-d*** it, again?!”

    Related:
    Left A Stool In The Stall

    Diabetes Meets Rabies

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer is picking up some diabetic test-strips, and I am ringing him up.)

    Me: “How are you doing today, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m alright; how about yourself?”

    Me: “I’m doing great, thanks. Did you have any questions for the pharmacist?”

    (The customer gestures at the test strips, jokingly.)

    Customer: “Yeah, do I really have to poke myself for these to work?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m afraid so.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just poke you instead?”

    Me: *laughing* “Sorry, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, sir.”

    (The customer gestures at my multiple facial piercings.)

    Customer: “You look like the type that would enjoy that, though.”

    Me: “Your doctor might have a problem with that, though.”

    (When a customer picks up a prescription, they’re required by law to sign, stating that they’ve received it. Our pharmacy does this through an electronic prompt. The customer looks at it.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “It’s just a way to say that you’ve gotten your prescription. That way there’s no confusion later. It’s as much for your protection as ours really.”

    Customer: “Well what happens if I don’t sign it?”

    Me: “Then unfortunately, we’re not allowed to give you your prescriptions.”

    Customer: “WELL I GUESS I’M NOT GETTING ANYTHING TODAY!”

    (The customer THROWS the electronic pen across the counter, hitting me in the face. He turns, and practically skips away. The pharmacist and I aren’t sure if he is joking, but by the end of the day he still hasn’t come back!)

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