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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    No Common Scents

    | North Riverside, IL, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I work at a store that specializes in body-care; lotions, perfumes, shower gel, all that good smelling stuff. I’m at the register, and three customers come up to check out.)

    Me: “Hi ladies, did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    (All three of them ignore me for the most part, save for some brief nods. Eventually, as I’m ringing up their purchase, they start talking amongst themselves about their purchases.)

    Customer #1: “What fragrance is this?”

    Customer #2: “It’s Pink Chiggon; it says right on the label!”

    Customer #1: “Chiggon? I can’t read that!”

    Customer #2: “It’s right there on the label, girl!”

    Customer #3: “It’s not Chiggon, it’s CHITTOF.”

    Customer #1: “Chittof?”

    Customer #3: “Yea!”

    (All this time, I’ve been ringing them up in silence and ever-growing amusement. Finally, I decide to pipe up.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s Pink Chiffon.”

    All Three: “That’s what I said!”

    You Really Don’t Want That On An Open Wound

    | Canada | Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I’m currently doing inventory at the local pharmacy where I work. An older customer comes up to me with her friend, in a panic.)

    Customer: “Can you help me?! I need some ‘Polysperm’!”

    (I assume she means ‘Polysporin’, the topical ointment that treats infections.)

    Me: “Did you mean ‘Polysporin’?”

    Customer: “Oh, no! I DEFINITELY need some ‘Polysperm’!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I haven’t heard of that product. May I ask what you are using it for?”

    Customer: “Oh, I scraped my elbow, and want to put that ‘Polysperm’ on it!”

    Me: “Okay, let me show you where it’s stocked.”

    (I point to the display of ‘Polysporin’.)

    Customer: *to her friend* “Young kids these days! They don’t know anything!”

    Someone Should Show Her The (Car) Door

    | Sandusky, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (An old car has just driven up outside the store. Out of it comes a customer who looks like a party girl, with makeup and chewing gum. She enters the store.)

    Customer: “I want some pretzels.”

    Me: “Right, that’s $3 a bag.”

    (The customer dumps the money on the counter and snatches the bag from my hand. I think nothing of it, but a few seconds later I hear her screaming. I go outside to see the customer screaming at a nerdy-looking girl that looks about 10.)

    Customer: “You f******, ungrateful little b****!”

    Girl: “Look, I’m s-sorry!”

    Customer: “You f****** better be, you little cow! You f****** well damaged my car! There are cameras up there. You are in so much trouble!”

    Me: “What’s happened?”

    Customer: “This ugly b**** thinks she can open a car door without thinking that she can actually damage my $50,000 car!”

    (I raise an eyebrow, as the car is clearly worth nowhere near that amount. The girl’s father comes up.)

    Father: “What’s going on, [Girl]?”

    Customer: “I’ll tell ya what happened! Your w**** of a daughter opened the door on my car, and there’s a f****** dent in it!”

    (The father and I look over. The car door has landed in a dent, but given the standards of the car, I assume it was there already.)

    Me: “Look, why don’t you come inside? I can call the police and they’ll look at the tapes.”

    Girl: *to man* “Daddy, I’m scared.”

    Customer: “You f****** well should be, you little b****! I hope you think about this every time you get in your precious daddy’s car! You’re lucky your daddy can actually pay for this! You think you’re so rich; you can do what you want!”

    (I try to help the situation by asking the customer to take a step inside and talk to the manager. But then she looks at the father.)

    Customer: “You gonna pay for it?”

    Man: “I am.” *looks at girl* “[Girl], try and think before you open a door.”

    Girl: “It was there already.”

    Customer: “You know what, little cow? I really hope that when your daddy is in hospital from the heart attack he’s gonna get when he sees the bill, he dies from it!”

    (The girl wails even louder, holding onto her father’s leg, as he begins to look pale. He puts an arm round the girl’s back, and some other customers outside the shop and inside are now looking. The customer can’t stand me trying to get her inside, and digs her nails in my cheek.)

    Customer: “Don’t keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk, lady. I can handle myself!”

    (The girl’s crying is now really loud, so the customer goes over and pulls the girl from her father. The girl is reaching toward her father, and he begins trying to fight the customer to get her off. I call security in my radio. The customer is hitting the girl and knocking her glasses off.)

    Customer: “You think you’re so important, don’t ya? Well you’re just a f****** loser! You ain’t gonna rely on mommy and daddy forever, kid. One day you gonna have to leave. Yeah, and you’ll die on the streets because you waste all Daddy’s money on attacking everything!”

    (The security guards manage to get her off, and eventually the police arrive.)

    Policeman: “Calm down, miss. We can handle this.”

    Customer: “You f****** better do, because I got a party to go to.”

    Policeman: “The way you’re acting, miss, the only place you’re going is the station.”

    Customer: *laughing* “Come on! Takes more than a rich kid to get against me!”

    Me: “What about those cameras that you were arguing about?”

    (The customer is silent. The police take her away. The man and girl give statements, the man comforting his daughter throughout, and then police look at the car and exchange insurance. Soon after, the girl and her father come in to the garage and buy some fizzy drinks.)

    Father: “I remember you from that night.”

    Me: “Did you have to pay insurance?”

    Father: “No. It wasn’t just because she was attacking my daughter. It was because security showed the dent had been there earlier. And what made my daughter cry more actually, was the fact I HAVE had a heart attack. She was only nine and didn’t understand. She has a mental disability, so can’t understand many things and has to go to a special school. She already was having therapy because she’s scared of the outside world, and this was our first time going to a restaurant in ages.”

    Me: “Oh, my God; I am so sorry!”

    Father: “It’s okay. I really think she can get over it.”

    (It’s been around two years since and they come into the store often. She is a lovely, happy young woman, and has gotten over what happened to her. I’m just happy for her that she has coped so well.)

    UK Needs UV

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Geography, Health & Body

    (I am working at trade show booth. I have very fair skin and often get remarks about it. I have been chatting with a fellow American customer for nearly 10 minutes.)

    Me: “Thanks so much for stopping by! I hope you enjoy the magazine. Did you have any other questions for me?”

    Customer: “No, no, thank you! Well, wait … are you British?”

    Me: “What? Ah, no… no I’m not.”

    Customer: “Really!? But…but you’re so PALE!”

    An Impatient Patient

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (It is a Sunday, so not many pharmacies are open. I’ve come in with my friend, who is rather unwell. The staff know my husband and I quite well, as we’re in there for our regular medication. Additionally, I have multiple piercings, a rather large tattoo on my nape of my neck, and teal green hair.)

    Pharmacist: “Won’t be long; please take a seat.”

    (We do, and I give the tech I know well a smile and a nod in greeting. Another customer enters.)

    Customer: “How long will it be for my medication?”

    Pharmacist: “About 20 minutes. We have a few people in front of you.”

    Customer: “Fine. I wouldn’t come here if you weren’t the only pharmacy open on a bloody Sunday; you’re always slow!”

    (The pharmacist brushes it off and goes to make up medications.)

    Customer: “I’m only having to wait this long because of stupid drug freaks.”

    (My friend turns to say something, but I put my hand on her arm and shake my head.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I mean you, green freak! What, come in for your methadone early, and they won’t give it to you?”

    (I’ve deliberately turned my back on him at this point.)

    Customer: “F****** druggies! We pay for you to get f****** high.”

    Pharmacy Tech: “Sir, can you watch your language please?”

    Customer: “No I f****** won’t! That stupid b**** is the reason I have to wait so f****** long! She’s strung out, look at the f****** circles under her eyes; they’re all bloodshot!”

    Pharmacy Tech: “I’ll have you know that young lady there is a full-time carer for her husband, who is disabled. And all this whilst being disabled herself. She looks like she hasn’t slept in a week because she probably hasn’t; between caring for him, volunteering with [national advice organization], and helping out her friend here who is rather unwell. And I don’t personally care if my taxes are being used to help her out; I wish there were more people like her out there!”

    Customer: “I… I… I demand to see a pharmacist!”

    Pharmacist: “Sir, I am not going to reprimand my tech for handling that much better than I would have. Do not insult my customers. Here is your prescription back; please fill it somewhere else.”

    (The customer stomps out.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry I caused that.”

    Pharmacist: “Eh, don’t worry; he’s always an a** when he comes in here. Besides, he has an exemption certificate, which means our taxes are paying for his meds too!”

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