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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    An Upgrade Is In Her Suite Dreams

    | MI, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

    (Our hotel rules state that while pets are not allowed, we make exceptions for service animals. A blind guest checks in with his Seeing Eye dog. I ask my coworker to take care of him, as I have a slight pet allergy. Not more than an hour later, another guest comes rushing towards me at the front desk, gasping and wheezing terribly.)

    Guest: “There…” *gasps* “…is …a f****** dog in the hotel!”

    Me: “Yes, it belongs to a man who’s legally blind.”

    Guest: *coughs* “You said on your website that you don’t allow pets! I demand to be moved! I have severe allergies!” *gasps for breath* “That d*** mutt could kill me!”

    (I’m stumped by this, as the guest in front of me is in a room on the second floor, while we checked the man with the service dog in on a room on the opposite end of the third floor. Nevertheless, she looks to be in a bad state, so I do my best to help.)

    Me: “Well we can certainly do that. I have another single bedroom on the fourth floor, far away from where there’ll be any—”

    Guest: “No!” *coughs* “I want a suite! I deserve a free room at least for having my life endangered like this!”

    (She grabs the desk and dramatically clutches her throat.)

    Guest: “Merciful Jesus…” *gasp* “…can’t f****** breathe!”

    Me: “Ma’am, why don’t you sit down while I call 911. Where in your room do you have your medication, so we can at least give you something to help while we wait?”

    Guest: “Medication? I don’t have any medication.”

    Me: “Your allergies are so severe that you’re suffering an attack, despite not even being on the same floor as the person with the dog. Yet you don’t have anything to help treat your condition?”

    (The guest noticeably stops with all the coughing and gasping, and looks at me.)

    Me: “I myself suffer from pet allergies, albeit minor ones. Even I had to go in the back and take something when that man came to check in with his dog.”

    Guest: “So… you’re not going to give me a free suite?”

    Me: “The only ones currently available are on the third floor. If anything, you’d be exposing yourself to even greater danger by being in closer proximity to the dog.”

    Guest: “God f****** d*** it!”

    (The guest storms out, apparently now feeling much better.)

    Her Point Has No Weight

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the reference desk. I have a great rapport with our patrons, and am often complimented for my positive attitude.)

    Me: “This is the reference desk. How can I help you?”

    Patron: “Can you tell me why fat people are so defensive?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Patron: “Can you tell me why fat people are so defensive?”

    Me: “I can find you some materials on obesity, or prejudice faced by obese people perhaps—”

    Patron: “I just want to know why fat people are always so angry.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I don’t think I can answer your question.”

    Patron: “See! You’re angry!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; do I know you?”

    Patron: “No, but I’ve been in your library before, and I recognize your voice. You’re fat. Why are you so angry?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I consider your question offensive and bigoted. Would you ask that same question about a particular ethnic group?”

    Patron: “You’re a f******* fat b****!”

    (I’d like to say this conversation didn’t shake me, but I felt ashamed of my appearance for the rest of the day.)

    Probably Needs Some Valium Too

    | AL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (A customer comes into the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want my Nexium.”

    (She provides her information, but I see that nothing has been filled.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I don’t see that we have anything ready for you.”

    Customer: “This always f****** happens! I’ve been trying to get my f****** Nexium for a month! I dropped it off here a month ago!”

    Me: “You dropped it off at this location?”

    (I ask this, as there are many branches of our chain within a 10 mile radius of each other.)

    Customer: “Yes, I only fill here!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no Nexium in your profile.”

    Customer: “Yes their f****** is! This always f****** happens!”

    (My coworker takes over, trying to calm her down. My manager has had enough of her mouth, and he goes to tell her off.)

    Manager: “Ma’am! You have never filled here! It is not here! We have nothing for you!”

    (The customer continues to curse up a storm. Another customer stares at the drive thru window, looking between it and me.)

    Customer #2: “That b**** be crazy.”

    Me: “I agree, sir.”

    (I suddenly hear the drive thru window slam, and the car speed away.)

    Me: “Sorry you had to hear all that, sir.”

    Customer #2: “Nah it’s cool. Hey if something happens, I heard everything!”

    Blood Type B(igot)

    | USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m in the waiting room at the ER, waiting for news about my girlfriend. There’s a very agitated patient at the counter with a cut on his hand, but he’s demanding to speak to a nurse before he gets any attention. )

    Patient: “I need to know if there’s any way to make sure I get the right kind of blood if I need a transfusion.”

    Hospital Employee: “Of course, we check your blood type and make sure we get a match. If you give a type A person type B blood, it can be very dangerous, so we have to be careful. But looking at your hand, I don’t think you’ll need—”

    Patient: “No no no! You filthy ingrate; you don’t understand! I want to make sure I don’t get no [racial slur] blood! You need to make sure that if I get a transfusion, it’s white blood!”

    (Everyone in the emergency room is staring at him. He turns around to glare at us all.)

    Patient: “What? You have no right to judge me! I have pride; that’s all that matters! If I want to keep my blood pure. These idiots need to make sure that happens!”

    Hospital Employee: “Sir, we don’t keep racial records on blood donors. Nor do the blood banks. We make sure there are no blood-borne illnesses, and that the typing matches.”

    Patient: “That isn’t good enough! I ain’t getting no [racial slur] blood, you hear me?”

    Hospital Employee: “Again, sir, looking at this injury, you shouldn’t need a transfusion. You’d literally have to have someone come in and donate blood to you.”

    Patient: *to me* “You! You’re white! What blood type are you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I couldn’t, in good conscience, save the life of a bigot.”

    (Everybody applauds, but the man actually passes out. They stitch up his hand, and unsurprisingly, he doesn’t need blood.)

    Invoking Blind Fury

    | Culpeper, VA, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working in the area of the store where we have patio furniture and the like. Per my standard style, my hair is pulled up but my long bangs are heavily covering my left eye. I’m helping a little old lady with some patio cushions.)

    Me: “Yes, this style will fit your furniture. It’s UV-stable, so if it’s out for a long time it won’t damage, crack, or fade too quickly.”

    Lady: “Oh, thank you so much! You’ve been just so helpful. Why, it’s so difficult to get straight answers sometimes; everyone’s always in such a hurry!”

    (The customer starts rambling a bit, as older ladies sometimes do. I’m used to this behavior, so I tune out just a bit, and consider when I should take my next break. Suddenly I see the customer reach towards my face, and I tune back in immediately.)

    Lady: “Young people nowadays just don’t know anything! Look at you! Get that hair out of your face! If you leave your hair in your eye like that, you’ll go cross-eyed!”

    (The customer has her hands on my face, and is physically pushing my hair out of my eye. As we’re not allowed to touch customers no matter what, I simply back up. The customer gets aggravated.)

    Lady: “Now come here missy, and stop being so disrespectful!”

    Me: “Ma’am, let me stop you right there. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t touch me again. Second, if you will let me move my own hair out of the way, you will see that my left eye is severely crossed. I was born with significant strabismus, and can’t see out of that eye. I have never been able to see out of it. I usually have my hair covering my left eye because it often disturbs customers, and they don’t know which eye to look at. So, I don’t think your advice has much weight here, does it?”

    Lady: “Well… you should consider yourself lucky! My niece was born with a cataract! Humph!”

    (The lady walks away, not buying a single thing I have spent twenty minutes helping her pick out. I sigh, put my hair back in place, and decide yes, this is a great time for a break.)

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