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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Of Bellies And Buttons

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Health & Body

    (My co-worker is a tall, thin, very pretty girl. I am about the same height, but I am a plus-sized girl. I am in the middle of doing my count-out, since I am about to get off and my coworker is coming on. We have a customer waiting, so I ask her if she can check her out real quick. After she is done, we start a conversation.)

    Coworker: “I don’t think I’m going to enjoy my classes this semester. I really just can’t wait for the whole thing to be over.”

    Me: “You’ll be fine. Plus you need to be one of those girls that are both smart and pretty!”

    (We both laugh, and she begins to tell me about her classes when the client interrupts.)

    Client: “You know… you could be really pretty too if you tried.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Client: “I’m serious! You could be just as pretty as she is if you exercised, ate properly, and lost a good bit of weight.”

    Me: “Oh… I…”

    Client: “Well your face is as cute as a button! You just need to lose weight!”

    Me: “Um… thanks.”

    Client: “Do people even say cute as a button anymore? Oh well… your face is still cute as a button!”

    (The client walks out.)

    Coworker: “Did she really just tell you to lose weight?”

    Me: “Yeah. But I’m cute as a button though!”

    (We laugh. Now, when we see something we like, we say it’s cute as a button!)

    On The Other Hand She Seems Fine

    | LA, USA | Health & Body

    (It’s a couple hours until closing. Our store is well known for discount prices. I’m in the accessories section rearranging the purses. On the other side of the see-through rack is a woman frantically picking through purses that are not hung up.)

    Customer: *rummaging madly* “Ow, ow, ow…”

    Me: “…ma’am? Is everything alright?”

    (The customer looks up with a great big grin that’s hiding obvious pain.)

    Customer: “Yes! Everything is wonderful. I’m just having some trouble deciding what bag to get. There are so many!”

    Me: “You were saying ‘ow’.”

    Customer: “Oh, that. I was in [other retail store] before coming here, and I broke one of my fingers.”

    Me: “You broke one of your fingers?”

    (She holds up the obviously injured digit. It’s swollen and not looking too good.)

    Customer: “Yep! But, I just had to come here! The hospital is always open, but you guys close soon!”

    Me: “G-good luck…”

    (She eventually leaves without buying anything. I hope she got to the hospital!)

    Jeepers Creepers

    | RetailOklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer approaches my register. I begin her transaction, as well as make small talk.)

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    Customer: “Do you have prosthetic eyes? My husband makes them and, yours just look so real!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. My eyes are real.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yep, my eyes are really real.”

    (She turns deep red, but tries to laugh it off. We finish her transaction, and she leaves very quickly.)

    Blood Money

    | NY, USA | Health & Body, Money

    (A customer walks up to my teller window, and throws two rolls of pennies down. They are covered in wet blood. I try not to look disgusted.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry; I can’t accept that.”

    Customer: “Why not? It’s good American money.”

    Me: “I’m sure it is, but it’s covered in blood; I’m not going to touch that.”

    Customer: “It’s fine; it’s just my blood.”

    Me: “Excuse me while I get my manager.”

    (I happily escape to the back to try to settle my stomach while the manager talks to the man.)

    Manager: “Sir, we can’t accept these pennies like this.”

    Customer: “It’s perfectly good American money!”

    Manager: “Yes, but we can’t take it like this. If you like, I can give you new wrappers. You can re-roll the pennies, and then we can deposit them for you.”

    Customer: “F*** this country! My money isn’t good in a bank; it isn’t good anywhere!” *storms out*

    The Opposite Of Disappearing Ink

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like this prescription is expired.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “The law says we can’t take prescriptions this old.”

    Customer: “But you said it’s expired. Where does it say that?”

    Me: “It doesn’t, but see the date? That’s several months old. We couldn’t fill it now if we tried.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me if I’d brought this in exactly as it is just a few months ago, you’d have been able to take it?”

    Me: “Theoretically, yes.”

    Customer: “So why won’t you take it now? Nothing’s changed!”

    Me: “Except today’s date, sir. The prescription expired a few weeks after it was written. You can even see the disclaimer written at the bottom.”

    Customer: “So why doesn’t it notify me when it expires? It ought to say ‘expired’ on it!”

    Me: “Um… the paper isn’t going to magically print the word ‘expired’ if you wait too long to bring it in.”

    Customer: “Well, it should!”

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