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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Dancers In The Dark Coffee

    | USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (A young customer woman in ballet shoes comes running into the shop. She looks exhausted.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; this is going to be a really big order.”

    (She starts to rattle off a huge order. Being the only barista, I start on them as soon as she done ordering. While making the coffees, a regular walks in.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; she’ll probably be a little bit. I have really big order.”

    (The regular just scoffs, and stands at the register. I focus on the drinks I’m making.)

    Regular: “Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be there in just a moment; I want to make sure all of her—”

    Regular: “Forget her f****** order! She and her little friends will just waste the damn drinks. Dancers, bah.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Regular: “You heard me. All you stupid little girls thinking that they’re an athlete because they can f****** dance!”

    (The customer takes a few steps back.)

    Customer: “Right, it’s so easy. Then how about you follow me.”

    (She bends backwards, practically touching her ankles. She slides back up, before standing on point. She brings one leg up and begins to spin on one foot, in place. She does it a few more times, before smirking at my regular. Still on point.)

    Customer: “Your turn.”

    (The regular scoffs, and huffs about the register until the order is finished.)

    Gay Rights And Copyrights

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bigotry, Health & Body

    (A female customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “I want to return this Jillian Michael’s Work Out DVD Set.”

    Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I just found out that she’s gay. I don’t want to stare at a gay woman exercising. She’ll turn me gay.”

    Me: “…right. Well, I’m sorry, but I cannot take this back.”

    Customer: “You want me to be gay?!”

    Me: “Um, no. The kit is opened, and for copyright reasons I cannot return opened DVDs.”

    Customer: “If I go to Hell, it’s your fault!”

    Left A Stool In The Stall, Part 2

    | Leicestershire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in a store that is particularly popular with the elderly. I am helping out with the changing rooms. A little old lady shuffles up to me without any clothes. I try not to look.)

    Me: “Oh! Uh… how did you… uh… find it, ma’am?”

    (The lady gives me an awkward smile, and potters off.)

    Coworker: “She’ll have left a mess in the room; go tidy up.”

    (As I near the empty changing room, an overpowering smell hits me. I slowly open the door to the room, revealing the sweet little old lady has ‘relieved’ her bowels in a corner of the room! Whilst I am standing there, gagging in shock, me coworker appears and sighs.)

    Coworker: “God-d*** it, again?!”

    Related:
    Left A Stool In The Stall

    Diabetes Meets Rabies

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer is picking up some diabetic test-strips, and I am ringing him up.)

    Me: “How are you doing today, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m alright; how about yourself?”

    Me: “I’m doing great, thanks. Did you have any questions for the pharmacist?”

    (The customer gestures at the test strips, jokingly.)

    Customer: “Yeah, do I really have to poke myself for these to work?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m afraid so.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just poke you instead?”

    Me: *laughing* “Sorry, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, sir.”

    (The customer gestures at my multiple facial piercings.)

    Customer: “You look like the type that would enjoy that, though.”

    Me: “Your doctor might have a problem with that, though.”

    (When a customer picks up a prescription, they’re required by law to sign, stating that they’ve received it. Our pharmacy does this through an electronic prompt. The customer looks at it.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “It’s just a way to say that you’ve gotten your prescription. That way there’s no confusion later. It’s as much for your protection as ours really.”

    Customer: “Well what happens if I don’t sign it?”

    Me: “Then unfortunately, we’re not allowed to give you your prescriptions.”

    Customer: “WELL I GUESS I’M NOT GETTING ANYTHING TODAY!”

    (The customer THROWS the electronic pen across the counter, hitting me in the face. He turns, and practically skips away. The pharmacist and I aren’t sure if he is joking, but by the end of the day he still hasn’t come back!)

    Of Bellies And Buttons

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Health & Body

    (My co-worker is a tall, thin, very pretty girl. I am about the same height, but I am a plus-sized girl. I am in the middle of doing my count-out, since I am about to get off and my coworker is coming on. We have a customer waiting, so I ask her if she can check her out real quick. After she is done, we start a conversation.)

    Coworker: “I don’t think I’m going to enjoy my classes this semester. I really just can’t wait for the whole thing to be over.”

    Me: “You’ll be fine. Plus you need to be one of those girls that are both smart and pretty!”

    (We both laugh, and she begins to tell me about her classes when the client interrupts.)

    Client: “You know… you could be really pretty too if you tried.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Client: “I’m serious! You could be just as pretty as she is if you exercised, ate properly, and lost a good bit of weight.”

    Me: “Oh… I…”

    Client: “Well your face is as cute as a button! You just need to lose weight!”

    Me: “Um… thanks.”

    Client: “Do people even say cute as a button anymore? Oh well… your face is still cute as a button!”

    (The client walks out.)

    Coworker: “Did she really just tell you to lose weight?”

    Me: “Yeah. But I’m cute as a button though!”

    (We laugh. Now, when we see something we like, we say it’s cute as a button!)

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