October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee

, | Supermarket | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m a manager at a popular grocery chain. A certain brand of pasta has just been recalled due to some broken glass getting mixed into some of the batches of boxes and as a precaution, all boxes are removed from the store. One of my new employees, a high school part-timer, is stocking shelves with me. She’s so timid that she makes a rabbit look exciting, but she is normally very good with customers. On this day, a well-dressed older gentleman approaches her and asks about the pasta brand.)

Employee: “Oh, sorry, sir. That brand has been involuntarily recalled.”

(Most people understand that that means we have none of it and I thought it would be the end. However, when I hear her scream suddenly, I turn to see the man has hurled his shopping basket at her face and she’d barely managed to duck in time.)


(I’m about to storm over, but to my surprise and amazement, my employee gets right up, composes herself and turns.)

Employee: “Right away, sir. I’ll be right back.”


(Dumbfounded, I watch as she goes to the back for a minute and comes back out with one of the recalled boxes AND the notice stating the recall. She hands him the box.)

Employee: “Is this what you wanted, sir?”

Man: “YES! You’re too f****** slow!”

Employee: “My apologies. Oh, and sir, could I get your grandson’s name, please? I’d like to send him a get-well soon card in a few days when he’ll have to be hospitalized.”

Man: *whirls around* “WHAT?!”

Employee: “Oh, yes, sir. Eating broken glass is sure to lacerate his insides horribly. He’ll be hemorrhaging blood, no doubt, maybe throwing it up as well. It’s really not a pretty sight. That’s why this brand has been recalled and taken off the shelves. Some broken glass got into the mixing vats at the factory. But if you’re so insistent on having THAT brand of pasta, then I guess it can’t be helped.”

Man: “Y-YOU’RE S****** ME?!”

Employee: “No, sir, I’m afraid I’m serious. We have some generic brands of the same thing that’ll taste about the same if you’d like.”

Man: *pales considerably and drops the box* “Uh… y-yeah, sure. Can… uh, can you show me where they are? Maybe?”

Employee: “Of course. They’re right here, and they’re actually cheaper!”

The Highs And Lows Of Retail

| Natick, MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m a bag girl and I’m bagging a customer’s groceries. An extremely tall man, like, 6’8″, 6’9″, comes over to me while I’m working.)

Man: “Hey, did you know you’re, like, really short?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(I’m 4’11” and, while I’m not terribly sensitive about my height, I can’t believe he actually said this.)

Man: “Well, compared to me, you’re really short.”

Me: “And so is Stevie over there; he’s six feet. You are a rather tall person, sir. Excuse me, please, you’re blocking the bags.”

Man: *suddenly offended* “It’s so rude of you to say something like that about my height. That’s a sensitive topic for tall people.”

(The cashier is trying really hard not to laugh and the customer, who is maybe 5’2″, is staring at the man like she can’t believe this guy is for real.)

Me: “It’s rather sensitive for short people, too, and you really were incredibly impolite about MY height. Please move; I need to bag this order.”

(He stomps off in a huff and I turn to finish bagging the customer’s order.)

Customer: “Do you take tips? You deserve one after handling that man.”

Me: “I’ll take any tip that doesn’t involve drinking more milk so I can grow.”

A Dent In His Identification

| Port Angeles, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(My dad and I have just gotten off a ferry from Victoria, Canada, and are going through customs. We are on our way to Mexico for an extended surfing trip. My dad had recently shaved off his dreadlocks in preparation, since they take so long to dry and would be an inconvenience. He is now completely bald and beardless.)

Border Agent: “Can I have your passport, please?”

(He hands it over, and the agent is looking between the picture of his shoulder-length dreads and large beard, and his current appearance.)

Border Agent: “Do you have a secondary piece of ID?”

(He hands over his driver’s license. The picture is pre-dreads, but still has shoulder-length hair and a large beard.)

Border Agent: “Well, THIS doesn’t help much!”

(The agent could tell enough distinguishing features that we were let through without incident. I joked that it’s too bad you’re not allowed to smile in ID pictures, because his gold teeth would have been a good distinguishing feature!)

You Will Have Hell Toupee

| Norway | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I have very curly hair, it’s all ringlets and corkscrews. A middle-aged lady has come to pick up her son from school.)

Lady: “Wow, you have really beautiful hair!”

Me: “Thank you!”

Lady: “Can I borrow it?”

Me: “Er… pardon?”

(The lady leans forward, grabs a fistful of my locks, and tugs so hard my eyes begin to water.)

Me: “Ouch! What are you doing!”

Lady: “Oh, I thought it was a wig! That was unnecessary. You should have warned me it wasn’t!”

(Her son came and apologized the next day, but his mother no longer talks to me.)

Some Blood Is Thicker Than Others

| MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am a nurse. At the hospital where I work, we take care of many patients who are from small, rural towns and are lacking in education. In this situation, the patient needs a blood transfusion. I am teaching the patient and family about the process.)

Me: “I will call the blood bank and get the blood ready to go. When I have the bag, I’ll come hook it up to her IV to infuse it. I’ll be monitoring her vital signs throughout the transfusion.”

Family Member: “How does the blood know where to go?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

Family Member: “The blood. What tells it where to go?”

Me: “Well it goes into the veins, through her IV catheter.”

Family Member: “How does it know where to go from there?”

Me: “That’s where blood is. In your veins.”

Family Member: “Oh! I’ve always wondered how that worked.”

(Later, after I have received the blood, I am priming the IV tubing with saline. Saline is essentially salt water, so it is clear.)

Family Member: “Is that the blood?”

Me: “…No, this is just saline to prime the tubing.”

Family Member: “Oh, good! I thought my mom was getting some new kind of white blood!”

Me: *face palm*

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