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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    The Final Cherry On Top

    | Interlochen, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work at the retail store of an arts camp. Since the campus is about a half hour away from the annual Cherry Festival, we sell a number of cherry products. One of these was a bottle of cherry concentrate. It is about $20 for a 12 oz bottle. Being concentrate, not juice, you don’t drink it by itself. You take about a teaspoon of it and add it to water to make it into juice. Most people, though, think that it is just normal juice and so it doesn’t really sell well.)

    Camper #1: “What is this? Juice? Geez! Why would anyone buy juice for $20?”

    Camper #2: “THAT’S NOT JUICE!”

    Camper #1: “What? Isn’t it?”

    Camper #2: “NO! THAT IS CONCENTRATE! IF YOU DRINK IT BY ITSELF YOU WILL POOP FOREVER!”

    Hopefully His First Name Isn’t John

    | North Wilkesboro, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I work in a well-known national chain pharmacy. The particular store that I work in provides medicine to at least half of our well-sized county, so we stay rather busy and have a lot of customers. This exchange happens far more often than it really should:)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a prescription.”

    Me: “All right, what’s the name?”

    Customer: “Johnson.” *or some other common last name*

    Me: “Okay, and the first name?”

    Customer: “There’s more than one?!”

    Me: “…”

    Deaf To Reason, Part 5

    | QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Technology

    Manager: “Can you please see that customer; he says he’s having trouble hearing his phone.”

    Me: “Which is it, he can’t hear it or the sound isn’t working?”

    Manager: “I’m not quite sure. Um, also… he’s deaf.”

    Me: “What?”

    Manager: “Please, you’re so good with these customers.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I head over and greet the customer and run a few basic checks on his mobile and immediately see the volume is working as it should.)

    Me: “Well, sir, the volume appears to be working just fine, but you were having trouble hearing it, is that correct?”

    Customer: “Oh, I can hear it just fine now. That’s no problem. But sometimes I like to go for a walk and when I do, I take my hearing aid out. Then I can’t hear it anymore! What do you suggest I do?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “…uh, I suggest you put your hearing aid back in?”

    (The customer nods and looks at me expectantly, as if I have further advise to dispense.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t think of any other solution, under the circumstances.”

    Customer: “Oh… well, I suppose that will have to do then!” *walks off looking quite dissatisfied*

    Related:
    Deaf To Reason, Part 4
    Deaf To Reason, Part 3
    Deaf To Reason, Part 2

    Can’t Even Save Their Own Skin

    | NH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a doctor’s office, and am sitting in the nurses station during patient call-backs when I overhear this conversation:)

    Nurse: “Hi, this is [Nurse] calling from [Doctor's Office]. Is [Patient] there?”

    Patient: “Yes, speaking.”

    Nurse: “I’m calling to let you know that the results of your biopsy are in, and I’m afraid they came back as a skin cancer that needs to be addressed right away. Would you be able to come in for surgery on [date and time two days from now]?”

    Patient: “Oh… um, I’m going on vacation then.”

    Nurse: “This is a serious problem that needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. Is there any way you can push your vacation start back? You will be able to travel after your procedure without a problem.”

    Patient: *getting angry* “Absolutely not! Do you know how much it will cost me to change my tickets? I’m going to Europe for a three month tour!”

    Nurse: “You can’t be serious?! This is a cancer that will grow and spread and has the potential to become lethal. I strongly advise that you—”

    Patient: “NO! I won’t hear it. You doctor types think that you all have a God complex! Not everything is life or death!”

    Nurse: “This actually is! Please, if you can’t commit to an appointment today, call us and make one as soon as possible!”

    Patient: “I’ll have nothing to do with this. I’ll get a second opinion! I’ve read the Internet and I know how often you people are wrong just to make an extra buck!” *slams the phone down, ending the call*

    (The kicker? The procedure to remove the skin cancer would have taken less than an hour, and she would have been able to hop on her flight to Europe. In the time she said she’d be gone, her grade 2 cancer, which is treatable, had the potential to become a grade 3 or 4 cancer, which would greatly reduce her chances of having it successfully removed, and increase her risk of it spreading to other organs!)

    Fresh Coffee With An Extra Shot Of Crazy

    , | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Hi, I’m [Name]. I’d be happy to take your order!”

    Customer: *on a cell phone* “…I know! I can’t believe it! I told him I just want that d*** whore out of my house!” *continues conversation*

    Me: “Ma’am? May I help you?”

    Customer: “Is your coffee fresh?”

    Me: “Not at the moment, but I’d be happy to start you a fresh pot!”

    Customer: “WHAT? I’m on OXYGEN! I don’t want to DIE!”

    Me: *confused* “Ma’am? It wouldn’t affect—”

    (The customer drives around to the window.)

    Me: “So you did want the coffee, then?”

    Customer: “Sorry about that! You didn’t hear any of that conversation did you?”

    Me: “Well, yes, ma’am. Every employee with a headset can hear everything said at the speaker.”

    Customer: *pays for her coffee* “OH! I’m so sorry, honey; I just want that d*** whore out of my house!”

    (The customer got her coffee and drove away. The rest of us were left scratching our heads as witnesses to the level of crazy that just left.)

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