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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Doctors Of The Caribbean

    | England, UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work at a General Practitioner’s Surgery, and I am taking phone calls from patients.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, can I book a appointment to see one of the doctors this morning?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no available appointments with the doctors today. We offer a triage service; if the triage nurse believes so, they can get you a appointment today, is this okay?”

    (The customer says something, but I cant make it out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry but the line seems to be terrible today; can you repeat what you just said?”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, that’s because I’m on a boat in the Caribbean.”

    (I’m slightly confused at this point, thinking I misheard her.)

    Me: “Can I just check that you said you were in the Caribbean?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m on a cruise, but I’m not feeling well, so I want to see [doctor's name] today. Can I have an appointment to see him in the next few hours?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I cant offer you a appointment with the doctor today, due to all routine appointments being taken, and the fact you will not turn up to the appointment here, as you are hundreds of miles away out of the country.”

    Customer: “But I’m not feeling well! I am a registered patient at your surgery, and I want to see the doctor right now!”

    Me: “As I just said, I cant offer you a appointment that you have no way of turning up to.”

    Customer: “THEN MAKE HIM COME TO ME!”

    Me: “The doctors do try their best to help all patients as needed, but I am afraid asking them to fly over to you in the Caribbean at such short notice is not a feasible option. I suggest you seek the help of the medical facility on board the ship.”

    Customer: “Oh… I didn’t think of that. But when I get back, I’m going to come to the surgery and file a complaint.”

    Takes A Backbone To Stand Up For Yourself

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

    (I am a 28-year-old female. I have just parked in a handicapped spot to go grocery shopping. I had surgery on my spine a month prior to this incident. I put my handicapped sticker up and exit my car when a random customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “How dare you!”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “You should be absolutely ASHAMED of yourself! It’s young people like you who have NO respect for anything! Who do you think you are? Parking in a handicapped spot! You aren’t even handicapped! I bet you stole that from someone, and you are just using it so you won’t have to park farther away!”

    Me: “Well, actually ma’am, it’s my handicapped sticker. I—”

    Customer: “Yours? You’re perfectly healthy! You shouldn’t lie to people! LIARS GO TO HELL! I can tell just by LOOKING at you that you’re perfectly fine! You’re just lazy.”

    (I’m livid, but I try to keep my composure.)

    Me: “Actually, it is my handicapped sticker. As I was trying to tell you before you rudely interrupted me and started throwing around assumptions, I have Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Sjogren’s Syndrome, and Degenerative Disk Disease. Furthermore, not all physical disabilities can be readily seen. This is the first time in a month that I’ve been well enough to get out of the house on my own since having my spinal fusion surgery last month. Next time, you should think before you speak, instead of just making random asinine assumptions about people you don’t know.”

    (The customer looks like a deer in the headlights. She turns bright red, and continues to mumble as she walks away. I get my shopping done, and see her as I’m checking out. Surprisingly, she apologizes profusely, and offers to help me load my groceries into my car.)

    Pay Attention

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (One of our registers has been closed all day, with plenty of signs to say so. A customer runs up to me with a heavy accent.)

    Customer: “Pay! I need to pay!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this register is currently closed. The nearest open registers are—”

    Customer: *holds out a sweater to me* “Pay?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this register is closed. The nearest open register is just down that way.”

    Customer: “No, no, I need to PAY!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this register is closed. Closed.” *I speak slowly* “I cannot work the register for you. They are locked. Only a manager can—”

    (The customer starts writhing around in a strange manner, with her sweater held over her stomach and her legs bowed together.)

    Customer: “Oh, I need to pay! So bad!”

    (One of my coworkers has a brainwave and comes up to the customer.)

    Coworker: “Excuse me, do you need a restroom? A bathroom?”

    Customer: *looks at my coworker cheerfully* “I can pay?”

    Coworker: “You need to… pee? A bathroom?”

    Customer: “Pay!”

    (The customer begins energetically following my coworker.)

    Coworker: “The bathrooms are just down this way; if you follow this aisle, turn left up here and—”

    Customer: “No! I need to PAY!”

    (The customer runs off, completely ignoring my coworker’s directions. We still aren’t entirely sure what she was asking for!)

    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 5

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m 18, and have been hospitalized for a severe case of mono. As a result of the illness, my throat is badly swollen and I can hardly speak. I’m on lots of painkillers. I’m sharing a room with a boy who swallowed a rock. The boy has been screaming since his mother left and his father can’t quiet him down.)

    Nurse: “Okay, [My Name], I’m just going to check your vitals.”

    Me: *whispering* “How much longer until I can have more pain medication?”

    Nurse: “Not for a while, sweetie.”

    (The nurse leaves. The boy’s father has been watching us the whole time.)

    Boy’s Father: “Listen, you little b****! Don’t you f****** gossip about me to the f****** nurses! You keep your f****** mouth shut, or I’ll shut it for you!”

    (I’m stunned, as I haven’t said a word to or about him. As I can’t move and can barely speak, I’m in tears and terrified. Not long after, my mom comes in to visit.)

    Mom: “Hey, [My Name]. How are you doing?”

    Me: *crying and whispering* “Mom, the dad of that boy screamed at me. He said to shut up, or he’d shut me up.”

    (My mom is silent, but clearly fuming. She leaves for a moment.)

    Boy’s Father: “WHAT DID I SAY?!”

    (Just then, my mom comes back with security in tow.)

    Mom: “Escort him from hospital grounds NOW.”

    Boy’s Father: “B****! You can’t tell me what to do! You aren’t the boss here! I’m twenty-f******-five!”

    Mom: “Actually, I AM the boss here! It’s my day off, but I’m head nurse on this floor, and if you EVER speak to my daughter ever again, I will have you arrested so fast that you won’t ever hear the sirens! And by the way, I’m forty-freaking-eight and I have the good sense not to let my kids eat rocks!”

    (The man was removed from hospital grounds and was banned from re-entering for 48 hours unless it was an emergency. I have the best mom in the world.)

    Related:
    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4
    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3
    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 2

    Anatomy Of An Idiot

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes to the register and puts a leather bound copy of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on the counter.)

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this book; it wasn’t what I expected.”

    Me: “Okay, I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “It was terrible; it’s not at all like the television show.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s my favorite show, and I was really excited to read this, but I don’t know what they were thinking with this book.”

    (I am dumbfounded, but I finish the transaction and send the customer on her way. The next customer in line approaches.)

    Next Customer: “How is it you manage to get through a full day of that sort of bull-s*** and not punch yourself in the face?”

    Me: “No idea, sir.”

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