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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    The Breast Advice

    | AR, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (A lone customer, obviously pregnant, is looking at the wall of pacifiers and bottles, looking more and more confused as she stands there. She turns to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you have any kids?”

    Me: “Yes, I have a three-year-old daughter.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank God! Which one of these bottles did you use? I don’t know which one is the best one!”

    Me: “Oh, my daughter never drank from a bottle.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “My daughter never drank from a bottle. We didn’t need them.”

    Customer: “B…but then how did you feed her?!”

    Me: “With my boobs.”

    (The customer digests this for a few seconds, then blushes crimson and runs off, leaving me a little confused, offended, and worried about the child she is carrying.)

    Can’t Handle The Weight Of Girl Power

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I am a girl, and so is the customer.)

    Customer: “I need a guy to help me get some boxes of paper.”

    Me: “Oh, they’re all busy, but that’s okay; I can get it for you.”

    Customer: “No! Girls shouldn’t be lifting heavy things!”

    Me: “Why not? I lift heavy things all the time.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “Because you are a woman! Women can’t lift heavy things! You’ll hurt your back!”

    Me: “Not if I lift it properly. I carry boxes of paper all the time as part of my job. I can lift it no problem.”

    Customer: “But I need five of them!”

    Me: “That’s okay; I’ll put them on a dolly.”

    Customer: “No! Women shouldn’t be lifting things as heavy as that!”

    Me: “Okay, seriously. Women can lift whatever they want. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean that I can’t lift paper. If I wasn’t a strong woman, maybe I wouldn’t be strong enough to do it, and then I would hurt myself. But I am strong enough to lift that paper, so I won’t hurt myself.”

    Customer: “I’M NOT BUYING THE PAPER UNLESS A MAN LIFTS IT FOR ME!”

    His Argument Isn’t Loaded

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement, Top

    (A customer buys 30 heavy bags of mulch; each weighs 40lbs. They’re already on a cart and just need to be loaded. The customer is a young man.)

    Customer: “So, yeah, I’ll need you to load these for me. I just had shoulder surgery.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I can call someone—”

    Customer: “No, don’t call someone, then I’ll have to wait! You can load them.”

    Me: “Well, actually, I pulled a muscle in my back, and I’m not supposed to be lifting heavy things. I’ll call someone for you.”

    Customer: “That’s bull! You d*** b****! You’re just lazy!”

    (An elderly customer comes over.)

    Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, sir! How dare you speak to a young lady like that, and demand she load your mulch? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Customer: “F*** you! She’s just d*** lazy! I had shoulder surgery! This is ridiculous!”

    Elderly Customer: “If you had shoulder surgery, how did you get all that mulch on the cart to start with?”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll load it my d*** self!”

    (The customer storms off.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you are my new favorite customer.”

    Taking A Dip In The Deep End

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Hi! Are you checking in?”

    Elderly Wife: “Well, we may be. We’d like to see one of your rooms.”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (After establishing which type of room they’d like to see, the elderly husband takes the key and starts heading toward the room.)

    Elderly Wife: “I’m sorry; I know this is unusual. But my husband always needs to check the water level in the commodes. If it’s too high, he sometimes… dips in.”

    (The husband comes back.)

    Elderly Husband: “Let’s try the place across the street…”

    Rectify The Situation, Part 2

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I regularly update medical records for our clients. One of my clients is getting angry that his case is taking so long, and has been yelling at me for a few minutes.)

    Client: “Yeah, well this is taking way too long. I bet you don’t even know that I had surgery last week!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, where did you have your surgery?”

    Client: “Up my rectum!”

    (There is a long and awkward silence.)

    Me: “Um, well, I meant at which hospital did you have your surgery, so that I can get your medical records?”

    Client: “…oh.”

    Related:
    Rectify The Situation

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