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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Work Hard, Break A Leg

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m currently recovering from a broken leg. I am at work getting my schedule for the week. As I’m walking out the door, a customer entering the restaurant shoves the door open and hits me right in my bad leg. I fall to the floor, crumple over in pain, and the customer literally steps right over me without a word, as if nothing has happened and I am just in her way. She goes to order at the counter which is being manned by my manager, who has seen the whole thing happen.)

    Manager: “You need to leave.”

    Customer: “Why, because I hit that idiot? He was in my way.”

    Manager: “Yes. That’s one of my employees, and he just had surgery on the leg you hit.”

    Customer: “Well he shouldn’t have been standing there!”

    Me: “I was trying to open the door and leave; I wasn’t just standing in front of the door.”

    Customer: “That’s hardly my problem. Now take my order.”

    Manager: “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, especially self-centered morons. Now get the h*** out of my store.”

    Customer: “F*** you and f*** [restaurant chain]!”

    (The customer storms out, literally walking right over me again.)

    Manager: “[My name], why don’t you go ahead and take tomorrow off? I’ll cover for you.”

    Me: “Thanks, I’m probably gonna need it!”

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 6

    | MD, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a hospital clerk. I am sitting in a staff-only workroom during my break when a man in a wheelchair comes in. He is non-verbal due to a surgery, but is in his right mind.)

    Patient: “Grunt.”

    Me: “Hi, sir. Can I help you?”

    Patient: “Grunt, GRUNT, GRUUUUUUUNT!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I don’t understand. Why don’t we go up to the front desk and get some paper so you can write?”

    (We go to the desk, and I get the patient some paper. He writes, “Please take me outside.”)

    Me: “I’m on break, but sure, I don’t mind. Do you want me to wheel you outside or can you do it yourself?”

    Patient: *points to me*

    (I try to wheel him into an elevator. Unfortunately, I’m 5’1” and seven months pregnant, and he’s about 350 lbs. We don’t make it.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m so sorry. I can’t do it.”

    (The patient slaps me.)

    Me: “Ouch! Sir! Please don’t do that. I’ll call someone else to take you.”

    (He slaps me four more times, twice in the stomach.)

    Me: “Owowow! Sir. Stop right now! You’ll hurt the baby! STOP! STOP IT! If you touch me again, I will call security.”

    Patient: “GRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUNNNNNT!”

    (He wheels himself into the elevator and leaves. I bend over and grab my stomach, in tears. One of the nurses finds me and checks me out. I dry my tears and page security.)

    Me: “Officer [name]? This is [me]. We’ve got a patient, Mr. [name], who’s been harassing and assaulting staff. He just slapped me in the face and stomach because I couldn’t take him outside. Could you do something?”

    Officer: “That guy? He did WHAT? Okay, I’m going to talk to him right now.”

    Me: *to nurse* “He’ll take care of it.”

    Nurse: “How do you know?”

    Me: “Believe me, I know.”

    (The officer arrives and begins speaking to the patient. Meanwhile, the nurse and I slink outside to hear the conversation.)

    Officer: “Sir, I understand you’ve been harassing the staff. A clerk reported that you assaulted her because she could not wheel you around. Now let me explain something to you. That clerk was on her break and did not have to wheel you outside. She did it because she is kind. You can wheel yourself, so you shouldn’t have asked her to begin with. Also, she is not only far smaller than you, but she is also obviously pregnant. It was incredibly selfish of you to ask her to do that, when you could probably tell from the beginning she couldn’t do it. And when you realized she couldn’t do it, you could have asked someone else. You had no right to assault her. You not only hit a woman, but you hit the woman who happens to be my wife and is carrying our first child, so if she or our baby suffers any damage because you thought it was okay to slap a pregnant woman in the stomach, I will personally make sure you pay for your actions in every way possible. Do you understand?”

    (The patient gives a thoroughly terrified nod, and wheels himself away as fast as he can. That patient never gave me any trouble again. I love my husband!)

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 4
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
    On The Need For Hazard Pay

    Magic-Touch-Phone

    | Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

    Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

    (I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

    Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

    Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

    Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

    Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

    Physician, Listen To Thyself

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (We have a popular puppy preschool class that generally gets full two weeks prior. It also requires a deposit to secure your position. Most people pay when they book. It is one day before class start.)

    Customer: “Hello, I am a surgeon and my time is precious so if you could hurry up and pay my deposit for puppy preschool.”

    Me: “Sure, what was your name?”

    Customer: *sigh* “I can’t believe I have to deal with this. I’m a surgeon and should be spoken to in proper English. It’s not “was your name”, it’s “is your name”.”

    Me: “My apologies. What is your name? I will check your deposit paid on the list.”

    Customer: “My name is [name], and hurry up! I just got off night shift at the hospital as I’m a pediatric surgeon.”

    Me: “I see that you do have your name on the waiting list, but as the class is starting tomorrow the class has been filled as others have come in earlier to pay their deposits and secure their positions. I’m sorry, but there are no vacancies at this stage.”

    Customer: “So, how much is the deposit?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, again, but I can’t take your deposit as the class is full.”

    Customer: “You just said that. Don’t repeat yourself. How much is the deposit? I booked the class three weeks ago.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry. The deposit is required to secure a position. Simply booking won’t secure your position. We usually explain this when you book in and recommend you pay a deposit at the time of booking.”

    Customer: “Yes, you did recommend that, but I am a surgeon; my time is precious. I work long hours so I could not pay it then. I am here to pay today.”

    Me: “We appreciate people may work long and difficult hours. We do have extended hours to make it easier for our clients. Our opening hours are 8 am – 8 pm, seven days a week, and if you are unable to come in, then we do take phone payments.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m a surgeon and work longer than that and don’t get a break. So, you need to respect me and take my deposit.”

    Me: “I am sorry. As I said the class is full and I cannot take your deposit. I can put you on a waiting list for our next class with a date TBA, but we don’t take deposits for future classes until dates are confirmed.”

    Customer. “Stop repeating yourself! Take my deposit!” *slams credit card onto counter*

    Me: “I am trying to explain that I can’t take your deposit as the class is full. I can’t fit you into that class, and paying your deposit will not get you in.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you keep repeating yourself. I am going to ring the puppy preschool trainer tomorrow.”

    Me: “You are welcome to ring her, but she will still be unable to fit you in her class as it is full.”

    Customer: “I am a surgeon. She knows this and has kept a position for me. Take my deposit so I can leave!”

    Me: “I have been trying to explain the class is full. You cannot join this class.”

    Customer: “Stupid dumb b****!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. You can’t speak to me that way!”

    Customer: “I am a surgeon!” *leaves*

    Blocks Out The Glaring Customers

    | FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (My coworker has just had laser corrective surgery on his eyes. Unfortunately, he’s experiencing a much greater than usual amount of swelling in the area. His optometrist has prescribed him eye drops and told him to keep sunglasses on at all times, until the swelling goes down, as bright light causes irritation.)

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    (My coworker and I notice an older customer glaring at him angrily.)

    Coworker: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “How DARE you!”

    Coworker: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “You take those off right this instant! I won’t stand for this disrespect!”

    Coworker: “You mean these?” *points to his sunglasses* “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just that I had laser surgery on my eyes, and the eye doctor told me I have to keep these on because bright light makes the swelling worse.”

    Customer: “LIAR!”

    (The customer lunges over the counter and grabs the glasses right off of his face. She puts several bloody scratches on his forehead with her long fingernails.)

    Coworker: “Oh, God!”

    (My coworker clutches his face, doubles over, and staggers head-first into a wall.)

    Me: “Good God, lady! Why the h*** did you do that?!”

    Customer: “You young ruffians are worthless! Not showing me the respect I deserve because you want to look ‘cool’!”

    (She drops the sunglasses on the ground and stomps on them, shattering them. The noise and commotion have attracted our manager.)

    Manager: “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!”

    Customer: “That young punk was disrespecting me with his gang stuff! I demand that you fire him immediately!”

    (The manager looks at the shattered sunglasses on the ground, and my coworker, who is doubled up, moaning and bleeding.)

    Manager: “Did you assault my employee?”

    Customer: “I can do whatever I want to scum like him! I’m the customer, so he has to do what I say! And he needed to be taught a lesson about respect, with those stupid things on his face!”

    Manager: “He was wearing those because his optometrist told him not to look at any bright light!”

    Customer: “You expect me to believe that? Give me a break! Now I DEMAND to be served RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”

    Manager: “I’m calling the police.”

    Customer: “Good! He SHOULD be in prison! He should rot there!”

    (The customer actually stands there looking smug and triumphant as the manager calls the police right in front of her, while I lead my coworker to the front office to get the first aid kit. About ten minutes later, the cops show up. My manager and the general manager of the store explain to them what happened, with the customer agreeing the entire time, still convinced the cops will be on her side. It completely blows her mind when the cops start to drag her away instead, as she goes kicking and screaming that my coworker should be the one getting arrested, not her.)

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