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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Hear-Resistible

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (Both of my earlobes are stretched to half an inch.)

    Young Girl: *in a loud kid’s whisper* “Mommy, her ears are broken!”

    Mother: *mortified* “I am SO sorry!”

    Me: *laughing* “No, no, it’s fine! That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!”

    CPR = Criminally Poor Reaction

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

    (I am sitting in a diner. A man, a teenage girl, a woman and a few other diners are sitting there eating. Suddenly, the woman falls down and starts having a seizure.)

    Man: “Everybody back. I know what to do. I’ll start CPR. Somebody call an ambulance.”

    (He kneels next to the woman, whose head was cut on a railing when she fell and is bleeding, and gets ready to start CPR. Suddenly, the teenage girl yells out.)

    Teenage Girl: “NO! STOP! Don’t do CPR!”

    (She runs over.)

    Teenage Girl: “Sir, move over and let me help.”

    Man: “Little girl, you don’t know what you’re doing. Get out of the way and let me start CPR!”

    Teenage Girl: *shoves him out of the way* “You don’t do CPR on a seizure patient.”

    (She moves the woman away from the railing and cushions her head. It’s obvious she knows what she’s doing.)

    Man: “Someone grab this b****! I need to start CPR before it’s too late!”

    (He pulls the girl away and she fights back. By the time she gets free, the woman has stopped seizing. The girl puts her on her side and starts giving first aid. The woman starts breathing again and turns onto her back.)

    Teenage Girl: “It’s over. I told you she didn’t need CPR.”

    Man: “Okay, so you were right. Move over, I’ll take over now. I know what to do.”

    Teenage Girl: “No chance, mister. She’s postictal, and you need to stay back in case she gets combative.”

    (Luckily, the woman doesn’t start fighting. As the teenage girl keeps talking to her and takes her pulse, she eventually starts responding.)

    Woman: “I’m [name.]”

    Teenage Girl: “Hi. I’m [name]. Do you remember what happened?”

    Woman: “Yeah, I lay down, and then I woke up like this.”

    Man: “YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK! You’ve got to remember that!”

    Teenage Girl: “You had a seizure; it’s all right to not remember it. Does anything hurt?”

    Woman: “Just my back and my neck.”

    Teenage Girl: “All right. I’m going to ask you to lie still; you may have injured your back. You’re doing fine. Oh, here comes the ambulance.”

    (The paramedics walk in with a stretcher and lift the woman onto it.)

    Medic #1: “What happened here?”

    Man: “I’ll tell you what happened. This lady fell over and started having a heart attack, and this little b**** wouldn’t let me do CPR. I’m amazed the woman survived. You should have her arrested! She could’ve killed someone!”

    Teenage Girl: “No, it was a seizure. Lasted about 90 seconds; she fell and sustained a laceration to her head. I’d look at that and possible concussion. Postictal about two minutes, seems mostly oriented and is answering questions, pulse slightly elevated, no memory of the event. She did state she’s having some back and neck pain and she fell hard, so I’d take spinal precautions.”

    Man: “Just listen to her! Pretending she knows what she’s doing! I’m calling the police!”

    Medic #2: “Actually, she does know what she’s doing. Pretty well, in fact.”

    Man: “And how exactly do you know that?”

    Medic #2: “Because we’re going to be working on the same ambulance on her shift tonight.” *high-fives teenage girl*

    (The teenage girl was in fact at EMT! The man was banned from the diner and arrested for grabbing the girl.)

    Acting Childish

    | NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It’s my first day working at a restaurant in town. I am a dishwasher, and am told to bring cups to the front because the waitresses are too busy. I pick up a tub filled with glasses, and open the kitchen door, which is right by the bathroom.)

    Small Child: “I’M COMING MOM!”

    (Suddenly I feel something small ram me in the middle of my back, and I topple to the floor, still holding the tub.)

    Small Child: “OH MY GOD, MY LEG!”

    Childs Parent: “OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU DELIBERATELY TRIED TO HURT MY SON! YOU MONSTER! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

    (The child and his parent seek out the owner. They go into a rant about how I tried to kill the small child, while I have finished limping back to the kitchen. Eventually, the owner comes into the kitchen and pulls me aside, barely able to keep a straight face.)

    Owner: “Look kid, I know it’s your first day, but you can’t go around trying to kill small children. I know they are a pain in the a**, but we usually go for crippling moves, not killing ones.”

    (The owner grins and walks away, before stopping for a moment and turning around.)

    Owner: “Oh, and [waitress] says you didn’t drop a single glass. Keep that up and you might stick around for a while.”

    He Got Burned

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, School, Top

    (I am appointed as a volunteer marshal at college. The college hosts a book launch, and the fire alarm goes off. Most people follow directions to the fire exits, but one guest is sat there drinking his free champagne.)

    Me: “You can bring your drink if you like, sir, but we have to go outside and wait for the fire brigade to tell us it’s safe to re-enter.”

    Guest: “No, I shall stay here. It’ll be a false alarm.”

    Me: “I have no way of knowing if it’s a real fire or a false alarm, so please come with me to the assembly point, sir.”

    Guest: “I’m not taking instructions from you! Who do you think you are?”

    Me: “Just a voluntary fire marshal, sir.”

    Guest: “Just a student, then.”

    Me: “Yes, I’m a student here. Sorry about this, sir, but there’s a formality I have to conduct.”

    (I take out my phone and start the video camera. I point it at him.)

    Me: “It’s 12:57 pm. The fire alarm is sounding. I’m instructing you to follow me to the fire exit.”

    Guest: “Pathetic. And I’m refusing. What’s the point of that little charade? To show it to your friends on Youtube?”

    Me: “No, sir. If it proves necessary, to show it to the coroner at your inquest.”

    (I turn and leave. The guest waits until I’m turning the corner, and then follows.)

    The Bald And The Beautiful

    | Roseville, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m stocking food in one of the grocery aisles. At the opposite end of the aisle are two teenage boys and a pair of bald women customers. One of the customers has dark brown patches on her scalp and is wearing sunglasses. The other has clear skin, is wearing a nice dress and extravagant earrings. I’m a male with alopecia, so seeing young, balding people doesn’t really mystify me. The two teenage boys start to point and laugh at them.)

    Teenage Boy #1: “Man, these two d***’s think they look so good! Bald b**** trying to look girly; she’d look hot if she didn’t have a nasty man head!”

    Teenage Boy #2: “Look at the nasty spots on her head!”

    Teenage Boy #1: “Nasty spotty b**** with her nasty lesbian friend!”

    (Horrified, I start to storm over to stop this, when the customer with patchy skin whips around, mere inches from the teenage boy’s faces and speaks through gritted teeth.)

    Customer #1: “I have f****** cancer! Metastatic breast cancer. I probably don’t have very long to f****** live. These ‘nasty spots’ are lesions. My best friend shaved her head to support me. She’s the best support system you could f****** ask for, and if you two have a support system in making fun of two women whose lives you don’t even know, then I’m sorry for you. So, I’ll thank you to hold off on these comments in the future, just in case the people you’re berating are either dying or about to lose someone they love.”

    (The color leaves the boys faces, and they hang their heads low, while the women walk down the aisle toward me. Customer #2 turns back to them.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, and even if we were bald lesbians, you still had better keep your d*** mouths shut!”

    (As they walk past me, I tip my hat off to them to reveal my smooth, shiny head. The women high five me, and walk to the next aisle arm in arm.)

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