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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Anatomy Of An Idiot

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes to the register and puts a leather bound copy of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on the counter.)

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this book; it wasn’t what I expected.”

    Me: “Okay, I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “It was terrible; it’s not at all like the television show.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s my favorite show, and I was really excited to read this, but I don’t know what they were thinking with this book.”

    (I am dumbfounded, but I finish the transaction and send the customer on her way. The next customer in line approaches.)

    Next Customer: “How is it you manage to get through a full day of that sort of bull-s*** and not punch yourself in the face?”

    Me: “No idea, sir.”

    Not All Customers Are Sick

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

    (A customer comes up to my counter.)

    Customer: “I have a fascinating offer to make you.”

    Me: “Uh-oh?”

    Customer: “If you let me use some cleaners, and give me a free water from the fountain, I’ll clean up the mess I just made throwing up all over your bathroom.”

    Me: “Oh… Well, the fountain drinks don’t have water, but I’ll get you some. [Coworker] over there is actually cleaning the men’s room right now, so you can talk to him.”

    Customer: “Thank you. I’m sorry.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s alright.”

    (She does indeed borrow some cleaning spray and some towels, and disappears into the women’s restroom for a few minutes. My coworker approaches.)

    Coworker: “What was that all about?”

    Me: “She didn’t say?”

    Coworker: “She just said you said it was okay to borrow the cleaning supplies.”

    Me: “Oh. She said she threw up and wanted to clean it up.”

    Coworker: “Really?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    (She comes back out at the end of this conversation.)

    Customer: “Again, I’m really, really sorry.”

    Me: “Most other customers would have just left it there and not even told us. You told us, apologized, and helped us clean it. You can come in here and throw up every night for all I care. Hope you feel better!”

    All’s Well That Messengers Well

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    (I work at a healthcare store. Whenever we have promos such as gift cards when purchasing more than a certain dollar amount, we call our regular customers a week in advance to let them know. After each call, either actually talking to the customer or leaving a message, we put a check next to their name on our list. One cranky regular misses the promo weekend and comes in three weeks later.)

    Customer: “Hello, [My Name]. I’m just parked outside. Can you get me my products?”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be right back.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have any promos? You haven’t had one since December.”

    Me: “No, I know it’s been a while.”

    (I make sure not to mention the promo three weeks prior, as I know she missed it, and I am sure she will throw a fit. I go to the back to get her products. As I am coming back, I see the customer yelling at my coworker. She then turns to me.)

    Customer: “This is so disappointing! I told you guys to call me every time you have a promo. [Coworker] said that you had one three weeks ago!”

    Me: “Oh, we did call you. I’m sure we did. You’re the first one we call.”

    Customer: “No, I did not get any call. No message. This is the second time!”

    Me: “I remember the first time you said your daughter forgot to tell you.”

    Customer: “Well, this time I really didn’t get any call! No message, nothing!”

    (The customer goes on and on as I am ringing her in, and I am just nodding. She’s always in a hurry, so I need to ring her in as I am listening. I can see the other customers looking at her.)

    Me: “I really apologize, but as you see here on our call list, I called all these customers including you. Your name even has an asterisk ’cause you’re the first one we call.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t get anything! There could be something wrong with my answering machine, but I doubt it! You guys owe me!”

    (The customer storms out of the store. The next day she calls.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Store]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh [My Name], this is [Customer]. I just called to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I asked my daughter if she knew of any promos you guys had, and she just gasped because she forgot to tell me that you guys called.”

    Me: “That’s okay Mrs. [Customer]. It’s not a problem.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you. Bye!”

    Soft-Selling

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Top

    (We have got a new mattress, so I put the old one up on Craigslist. It’s free to the first person who comes to pick it up. Shortly after I post the ad, my phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “I’m calling about the mattress. Yeah, is it a pillow-top?”

    Me: “No, sorry, it isn’t.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, I need a pillow-top. I’m having surgery next week, and I need a mattress with some support.”

    Me: “I understand.”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Caller: “So what are you going to do?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: *angrily* “I need a pillow-top mattress!”

    Me: “Um, well, good luck?”

    Work Hard, Break A Leg

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m currently recovering from a broken leg. I am at work getting my schedule for the week. As I’m walking out the door, a customer entering the restaurant shoves the door open and hits me right in my bad leg. I fall to the floor, crumple over in pain, and the customer literally steps right over me without a word, as if nothing has happened and I am just in her way. She goes to order at the counter which is being manned by my manager, who has seen the whole thing happen.)

    Manager: “You need to leave.”

    Customer: “Why, because I hit that idiot? He was in my way.”

    Manager: “Yes. That’s one of my employees, and he just had surgery on the leg you hit.”

    Customer: “Well he shouldn’t have been standing there!”

    Me: “I was trying to open the door and leave; I wasn’t just standing in front of the door.”

    Customer: “That’s hardly my problem. Now take my order.”

    Manager: “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, especially self-centered morons. Now get the h*** out of my store.”

    Customer: “F*** you and f*** [restaurant chain]!”

    (The customer storms out, literally walking right over me again.)

    Manager: “[My name], why don’t you go ahead and take tomorrow off? I’ll cover for you.”

    Me: “Thanks, I’m probably gonna need it!”

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