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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    The Grandmother Of All Threats

    | CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in my stepdad’s medical office. I am about 10 minutes late due to a car accident delaying traffic. There is an older patient waiting outside the office.)

    Patient: *testily* “Why are you late?”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. There was an accident on my way in delaying traffic. Let me unlock the door, and I’ll help you.”

    Patient: “Well, I was going to leave, but I’ll see Dr. [Name] now.”

    Me: “Once again, I’m very sorry, ma’am. He’s not in his office today. He’s doing school testing.”

    Patient: “This is unacceptable. Your sign says you’re open from 10-4 on Thursdays!”

    Me: “Ma’am, do you have an appointment?”

    Patient: “No, you stupid girl! I don’t need an appointment!”

    Me: “Well, our sign also says we don’t take walk-ins. So yes, you do need one.”

    Patient: “This is outrageous! Why can’t I see the doctor?”

    Me: “I just told you that, ma’am. Now I can schedule an appointment for you, or—”

    Patient: “You call the doctor and get him back here right now! If you don’t, I’ll have my grandson come by and beat you up!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you need to leave.”

    Patient: “Why? I’m paying you!”

    Me: “Because you just threatened to have me assaulted. If you do not leave immediately, I will call hospital security and have you escorted out.”

    (She doesn’t leave. She calls her grandson, who apparently turns down her offer for him to come and hurt me, and I call security. The following Monday, a young man about my age walks into the office. He is holding a bouquet of flowers.)

    Young Man: “Hi, are you the lady my grandmother asked me to beat up?”

    Me: “Yes, I think that would be me.”

    Young Man: *hands me the flowers* “I am so sorry. She does this every time she doesn’t get her way. I just wanted to thank you for being one of the few to not cave to her demands.”

    These Customers Aren’t Even Faintly Sharp

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (A female and male customer walk into my tattoo parlor.)

    Female Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get my lip pierced, but I’m terrified of needles. Is there anything you can do?”

    Me: “Well, you could use [freezing cream] which would numb the skin and you wouldn’t feel a thing.”

    Female Customer: “Hmm, I don’t think so. Just show me the needle and I’ll faint, and then you can do the piercing.”

    Me: “Uh, I think that’s illegal.”

    (As I say this, the female customer has apparently spotted some of our needles nearby still in their packaging, which she apparently has no problems with. Without warning, she grabs one, rips it out of its packaging and proceeds to faint on the spot. The male customer speaks up in her place.)

    Male Customer: “Can’t you just do it now?”

    (I proceed to call an ambulance. Thankfully the woman is fine. My coworkers and I still talk about it!)

    Well Played, Indeed: The Comic

    | Not Always Right | Comics, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    A Bad Case Of The Mondays

    | UK | Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m working the reception at a physiotherapist’s office. A patient enters. She’s looking a little stressed.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’ve got a prescription at [time].”

    Me: “Uh… a prescription?”

    Patient: *shakes her head* “No, I meant… an appointment. An appointment at uh… ten to… quarter… Mr. [Name], no… [Other Name]… oh for crying out loud!”

    (She stops abruptly, turns around and walks out. I sit there a little stunned. Then the door opens and she comes back in.)

    Patient: “Good morning. I’ve got an appointment to see Mr. [Name] at [time].”

    Me: “Ah yes, there you are. Just go take a sheep—”

    (I stop, embarrassed. The patient smiles.)

    Patient: “Monday mornings, right?”

    Capable Of Handicapping The Capable

    , | TX, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (My grandmother is 96 years old, but she is still able to drive. A car without a handicapped license plate cuts her off and pulls into the handicapped spot, so she has to park further down. She walks with her cane past the 20-something young man who took her spot.)

    Grandmother: “I know we aren’t supposed to judge others because we never know what they are going through, so I am going to assume you needed that parking space more than I did.”

    Young Man: *turning red and not making eye contact* “Sorry about that, ma’am. Um… can I help you into the store?”

    Grandmother: “Thank you, I knew you were really a nice young man.” *takes his arm* “I’ve been a widow for almost 20 years, and it’s been a long time since a man offered to walk me anywhere.”

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