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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    UK Needs UV

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Geography, Health & Body

    (I am working at trade show booth. I have very fair skin and often get remarks about it. I have been chatting with a fellow American customer for nearly 10 minutes.)

    Me: “Thanks so much for stopping by! I hope you enjoy the magazine. Did you have any other questions for me?”

    Customer: “No, no, thank you! Well, wait … are you British?”

    Me: “What? Ah, no… no I’m not.”

    Customer: “Really!? But…but you’re so PALE!”

    An Impatient Patient

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (It is a Sunday, so not many pharmacies are open. I’ve come in with my friend, who is rather unwell. The staff know my husband and I quite well, as we’re in there for our regular medication. Additionally, I have multiple piercings, a rather large tattoo on my nape of my neck, and teal green hair.)

    Pharmacist: “Won’t be long; please take a seat.”

    (We do, and I give the tech I know well a smile and a nod in greeting. Another customer enters.)

    Customer: “How long will it be for my medication?”

    Pharmacist: “About 20 minutes. We have a few people in front of you.”

    Customer: “Fine. I wouldn’t come here if you weren’t the only pharmacy open on a bloody Sunday; you’re always slow!”

    (The pharmacist brushes it off and goes to make up medications.)

    Customer: “I’m only having to wait this long because of stupid drug freaks.”

    (My friend turns to say something, but I put my hand on her arm and shake my head.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I mean you, green freak! What, come in for your methadone early, and they won’t give it to you?”

    (I’ve deliberately turned my back on him at this point.)

    Customer: “F****** druggies! We pay for you to get f****** high.”

    Pharmacy Tech: “Sir, can you watch your language please?”

    Customer: “No I f****** won’t! That stupid b**** is the reason I have to wait so f****** long! She’s strung out, look at the f****** circles under her eyes; they’re all bloodshot!”

    Pharmacy Tech: “I’ll have you know that young lady there is a full-time carer for her husband, who is disabled. And all this whilst being disabled herself. She looks like she hasn’t slept in a week because she probably hasn’t; between caring for him, volunteering with [national advice organization], and helping out her friend here who is rather unwell. And I don’t personally care if my taxes are being used to help her out; I wish there were more people like her out there!”

    Customer: “I… I… I demand to see a pharmacist!”

    Pharmacist: “Sir, I am not going to reprimand my tech for handling that much better than I would have. Do not insult my customers. Here is your prescription back; please fill it somewhere else.”

    (The customer stomps out.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry I caused that.”

    Pharmacist: “Eh, don’t worry; he’s always an a** when he comes in here. Besides, he has an exemption certificate, which means our taxes are paying for his meds too!”

    She Has An Anachronic Case

    | New Zealand | Health & Body, History, Top

    (My mother is a schoolteacher. To celebrate the end of school, she and the other teachers have a party, of which the theme is anachronisms. My mother wears, among other things, a Greek toga and a top hat. During the party, she hurts her leg and phones me to help her get to the hospital. We finally get to see a doctor at two o’clock in the morning.)

    Doctor: “So, er… What’s the problem?”

    Mum: “I hurt my leg during a party.”

    (She shows him where it hurts, and the doctor feels around for a while.)

    Doctor: “How exactly did you do this?”

    Mum: “Well, the music came on, and I was so excited to start dancing that I jumped up, and suddenly my muscle went pop!”

    Doctor: “This is probably the most interesting accident we’ve had for a while. Will you take off your socks, please, so I can see better?”

    (My mother pulls them off to reveal her blackened toes, which she had coloured in before the party.)

    Doctor: “What’s that?”

    Mum: “Oh, don’t mind that. It’s just the bubonic plague.”

    (Later, as I am sitting in the waiting room while my mum has her leg bandaged, I hear the doctor saying she’d made his night!)

    Dancers In The Dark Coffee

    | USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (A young customer woman in ballet shoes comes running into the shop. She looks exhausted.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; this is going to be a really big order.”

    (She starts to rattle off a huge order. Being the only barista, I start on them as soon as she done ordering. While making the coffees, a regular walks in.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; she’ll probably be a little bit. I have really big order.”

    (The regular just scoffs, and stands at the register. I focus on the drinks I’m making.)

    Regular: “Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be there in just a moment; I want to make sure all of her—”

    Regular: “Forget her f****** order! She and her little friends will just waste the damn drinks. Dancers, bah.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Regular: “You heard me. All you stupid little girls thinking that they’re an athlete because they can f****** dance!”

    (The customer takes a few steps back.)

    Customer: “Right, it’s so easy. Then how about you follow me.”

    (She bends backwards, practically touching her ankles. She slides back up, before standing on point. She brings one leg up and begins to spin on one foot, in place. She does it a few more times, before smirking at my regular. Still on point.)

    Customer: “Your turn.”

    (The regular scoffs, and huffs about the register until the order is finished.)

    Gay Rights And Copyrights

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bigotry, Health & Body

    (A female customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “I want to return this Jillian Michael’s Work Out DVD Set.”

    Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I just found out that she’s gay. I don’t want to stare at a gay woman exercising. She’ll turn me gay.”

    Me: “…right. Well, I’m sorry, but I cannot take this back.”

    Customer: “You want me to be gay?!”

    Me: “Um, no. The kit is opened, and for copyright reasons I cannot return opened DVDs.”

    Customer: “If I go to Hell, it’s your fault!”

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