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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Roll Rehearsal Before Bowel Reversal

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m working the front desk and checking in a guest.)

    Me: “…and here are your room keys. Your room is located on the third floor and will be on the right hand side of the elevator. If there’s absolutely anything you need just press zero on your phone and I’ll be sure to assist you. Enjoy your stay.”

    Guest: “Can I ask you for something now?”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Anything you need would be my pleasure to serve.”

    Guest: “Can I get five rolls of toilet paper?”

    Me: “The rooms come standard with two rolls. Would you like an additional three rolls to total the room out to five rolls, or would you like five additional rolls to total seven rolls?”

    Guest: “I would like the five additional rolls, please.”

    Me: “I can do that for you, but unfortunately there is a $1 fee per excess roll. Between you and me, if you wait until the morning, the housekeepers will change out your toilet paper anyway and you won’t have to pay for it.”

    Guest: “I need the five rolls tonight. I only bought this room because if I’m going to destroy a bathroom after my mother-in-law’s cooking, it ain’t gonna be my job to clean it up…”

    Sage Age Advice

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m head cashier in a craft store, and do all the returns. I have a couple come in with several bags and are rummaging through receipts. I start working through their transactions and find items that aren’t from my company and items without receipts.)

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I cannot process a return for these items.”

    Wife: “You should give me the money for these items anyway, because I have had a hard life! I have to take care of my mother and my four siblings!”

    Me: “I can understand that, but—”

    Wife: “What do you know about taking care of the elderly?”

    Me: “Since I was 12 I cared for my father with cancer, who died when I was 18. Then my uncle was diagnosed also with cancer. He passed away two days ago. Between that I have another uncle diagnosed and living with me. Previously, my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s also lived with me and passed last summer. I’m also taking care of my mother who has severe arthritis. I have 5 siblings and 20 cousins, but everyone is dropped on me with no care or help.”

    Wife: “I’m so sorry; I guess you do know what it’s like. Does it get better?”

    Me: “No, but bubble wrap helps.”

    More Deaf Than Blind

    | AZ, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    (One of our eye tests works by patients clicking a remote when they see some shimmery lines, and is set up where the face-plate slides into place to test the individual eyes. The patient has already informed me that he has a glass eye in the right socket. This machine can sometimes be very temperamental when a test is in progress, so I want to explain the test before I mess around too much with it and skip his glass eye. It’s still currently set on the right eye as the default.)

    Me: “On this first test, when you look inside there, you’re going to see a little—”

    Patient: “I can’t see out of that eye.”

    Me: Yes, sir, I know that. I can skip this eye when I get the test started, but I wanted to explain the directions first. Now, you’re going to see a little black spot right in the center and—”

    Patient: “But I can’t see out of that eye.”

    Me: “Yes, I know that, sir. I can skip that eye in just a moment. You’re going to see the black dot in the center and there are some very faint, sort of wiggly lines—”

    Patient: “But I can’t see out of this eye.”

    (The patient continues to put his face into the machine which is still on the right eye.)

    Me: “I know that, sir. You’re going to see a black dot in the center and some faint, wiggly lines and that’s just a preview of what the test looks like. When—”

    Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye!”

    Me: “I can skip that one. When the test starts, and I’ll let you know when that is, I just need you to look—”

    Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye!”

    (I am now ignoring him to get through my directions.)

    Me: “When the test starts, you need to look at the black spot in the center and click on the clicker whenever you see those wiggly lines.”

    Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye, though!”

    Me: “I need you to sit back for me so I can get the machine ready to just test your left eye.”

    (The patient sits back and I slide the face-plate over for the left eye. I put in the settings to get the machine to skip the right eye, and am just about to start on the left.)

    Patient: “So, what am I supposed to do in this thing?”

    Profit And Hair Loss

    | MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Money

    (We’ve had trouble keeping business up, as our location is right next to a larger chain. On a particularly slow day, I’m confused when I see a young man come in with his entire head shaved nearly flat.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; you may not still have me on file. I was here about 14 months ago.”

    (I look him up.)

    Me: “Yeah, you’re still on file; how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t know what to do with my dad’s hairline. It was starting to look like a bad comb over, and you guys convinced me to shave everything.”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, now that I have a razor and can do it myself, I realized that’s $14 a month you could be making. Can I just pay for a haircut, you don’t do anything, and you can just take the money?”

    (After blinking for a moment, I consult my manager, who clears the sale. The customer insists on full price.)

    Me: “Thanks, glad it worked out for you.”

    Customer: “Thanks a million. [Competitor] made it look like crap. I just felt bad, you know? You lose the rest of my sales because you actually know what the heck you’re doing.”

    (The customer even tipped well, which made our day. The other stylists and I were sharing the story all week.)

    Checking Him In And Checking Her Out

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I work at a hotel that caters to a branch of a hospital. I’m a larger-chested woman, and get frequent sexual harassment from guests.)

    Me: “As the hospital pays a portion of your stay, your grand total for the evening will be $44.40.”

    Guest: “That’s fine; I’d like to pay in cash.”

    Me: “Cash is acceptable, but we do ask that we get a credit card on file.”

    Guest: “Why the f*** do you need my credit card?”

    Me: “We need a credit card for incidentals or if by chance your stay is extended through the hospital.”

    Guest: “What the f*** is an incidental?”

    Me: “Incidentals would be damages or possible problems that may arise in the room.”

    Guest: “Do I look like I’d cause a f*****g problem?”

    Me: “Sir, I do not believe any of my guests would ever cause a problem; it’s just a precaution we must take. Now, I’d also ask that you refrain from using the f-word in the lobby.”

    Guest: “Listen, tits—”

    Me: “Sir, I kindly ask that you refrain from the vulgarities.”

    Guest: “You said I couldn’t say f***. You didn’t say nothin’ about tits!”

    Me: “That is a derogatory term in reference to my physical appearance. I will ask that you do not use that type of language in my lobby, or I will be forced to call the hospital and they will move you to a different establishment for the remainder of your stay.”


    Me: “Sir, I’ve asked you multiple times to correct your language and because of that last comment, you’ve now forced me to call the hospital as you are not welcome at our establishment.”

    Guest: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweet-cakes. I was just trying to make you angry. I love the way your boobs bounce when you get flustered and hold back.”

    (At that point my manager stepped in and told him to leave without even calling the hospital. Sick or not, no one has an excuse to openly sexually harass someone just trying to do their job.)

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