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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Well Played, Indeed: The Comic

    | Not Always Right | Comics, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    A Bad Case Of The Mondays

    | UK | Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m working the reception at a physiotherapist’s office. A patient enters. She’s looking a little stressed.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’ve got a prescription at [time].”

    Me: “Uh… a prescription?”

    Patient: *shakes her head* “No, I meant… an appointment. An appointment at uh… ten to… quarter… Mr. [Name], no… [Other Name]… oh for crying out loud!”

    (She stops abruptly, turns around and walks out. I sit there a little stunned. Then the door opens and she comes back in.)

    Patient: “Good morning. I’ve got an appointment to see Mr. [Name] at [time].”

    Me: “Ah yes, there you are. Just go take a sheep—”

    (I stop, embarrassed. The patient smiles.)

    Patient: “Monday mornings, right?”

    Capable Of Handicapping The Capable

    , | TX, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (My grandmother is 96 years old, but she is still able to drive. A car without a handicapped license plate cuts her off and pulls into the handicapped spot, so she has to park further down. She walks with her cane past the 20-something young man who took her spot.)

    Grandmother: “I know we aren’t supposed to judge others because we never know what they are going through, so I am going to assume you needed that parking space more than I did.”

    Young Man: *turning red and not making eye contact* “Sorry about that, ma’am. Um… can I help you into the store?”

    Grandmother: “Thank you, I knew you were really a nice young man.” *takes his arm* “I’ve been a widow for almost 20 years, and it’s been a long time since a man offered to walk me anywhere.”

    The Generation Size Gap

    | Hampshire, England, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I’m standing near the front of the store, greeting customers as they come in. An elderly gentleman enters with a walking stick.)

    Me: “Hello.” *smiling*

    Customer: *suddenly frowning* “GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD!”

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Customer: “GOOD GOD!” *raises stick and pokes me in the stomach with it* “Would you look at that?! You could live for years! Forever in that body!”

    Me: “Erm, thanks?!”

    Customer: “No! I mean you must be one of those genetic throwbacks! You don’t get trim girls anymore. Girls these days are FAT FAT FAT! I bet you could even run if you needed to!”

    Me: “Sometimes I run; I mostly just eat healthy really.”

    Customer: “GOOD GOD! I must go and get Marjorie from the CD shop and show you to her! GOOD GOD!”

    (He turns and leaves, but never does return. Not even with Marjorie.)

    Hasn’t Got A Leg To Stand On

    | OK, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am mopping the floor when a customer walks in and proceeds to slip and fall.)

    Customer: “I’M GOING TO SUE! You could have KILLED ME!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s just two things wrong with your plan. One, I have ‘Caution – Wet Floor’ signs all over the store.”

    Customer: “Well I didn’t see them! I think I broke my leg!”

    Me: “Regardless, the store is released of all liability because they are out in highly visible places, and you just fell by one.”

    Customer: “I WANT YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”

    Me: “The other thing wrong with your plan is that I haven’t mopped over there yet. The floor is dry.”

    (The customer gets up on his ‘broken’ leg and scurries out.)

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