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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A-Salted By The Flavor

    | Hyannis, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I own a small cookie bakery on a busy main street on Cape Cod. A customer and his wife have purchased a cookie and some coffee and sat outside to enjoy it. I am having a conversation with my son, when the customer walks back in after they’ve finished.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Just a little constructive criticism.”

    Me: “Okay. Sure!”

    Customer: “The cookie we had was too salty.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Which cookie did you purchase?”

    Customer: “The lace cookie.”

    Me: “You mean the one topped with sea salt?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure why it tasted so salty!”

    My Son: “But it’s… it’s topped with sea salt.”

    Customer: “You know, you REALLY need to be careful about stuff like that when there are people like us who are watching our salt intake!”

    Me: “Well then, sir, I’m not certain you made the best decision. Out of our 14 or so varieties, you chose to purchase a salted cookie.”

    Customer: “But it was—” *reads description* “—OH! I see. Um, okay, have a great day!”

    Don’t Know What Game He Is Trying To Play

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A short line forms at my checkout counter, and the first customer in line is a confused-looking man. He’s pretty out of it, but he seems friendly enough. He sets down a few items, and while I add up the purchases he browses the cigarettes, lotto, and scratch-off tickets kept behind the counter.)

    Customer: “What are the cheapest cigarettes you have?”

    Me: “That would be [brand]. What flavor would you like?”

    Customer: “What are the flavors?”

    (I list the flavors and he chooses one. Thinking he’s finished, I ring up the cigarettes too, and give him his total. He pauses in thought.)

    Customer: “Actually, can I get the menthol instead?”

    Me: “Uh, sure. No problem.”

    (I switch the cigarettes. Luckily they are the same price.)

    Me: “Will there be anything else?”

    Customer: “One lottery please.”

    Me: “Okay, what game do you want to play?”

    Customer: “What games are there?”

    (I list the games and how much they cost.)

    Customer: “One [game].”

    (I print the ticket and ring it up. He takes a long pause.)

    Customer: “And a [different game].”

    (I print ticket and ring it up. Pause.)

    Customer: “And [third game].”

    (The line behind him has grown by a couple people. By this point I’m a little irked by his random impulsive decisions and sluggish pace, but I follow his requests with a smile. He then notices the scratch-off ticket display.)

    Customer: “What games are these?”

    Me: *sighs*

    (I go over the games and costs and he proceeds to pick them one at a time, despite my asking if there’s multiple things I can get him at once. The whole transaction has gone on for longer than five minutes now. Once he’s done, he drops a wad of crumpled up cash and loose change on my counter. I count out what he owes while he stares blankly. As I finish counting his change, I’m about to finally cash out the transaction.)

    Customer: “Can I have another [scratch-off game]?”

    Me: “Will that be it, sir? Is there anything else you want right now?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I silently fume, but add the ticket and take the additional money for it. He stares at the change left in front of him.)

    Customer: “Do I need more money?”

    Me: “NO! You are all paid for! You are good to go. All set.”

    (He gathers his pile of goods, tickets and change and leaves. Finally, the clearly annoyed customers still in line move forward.)

    Next Customer: “Well, that must have been frustrating.”

    Me: “Tell me about it.”

    (I ring up the next customer quickly and easily and he leaves. Five seconds later, he comes back in.)

    Next Customer: “He’s pissing on your sidewalk.”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    (Lo and behold, only about 20 feet outside the door, the first customer has his fly open and is urinating on the side of the sidewalk, in broad daylight.)

    Me: “HEY YOU, STOP IT!”

    (The customer looks up, stops and zips up his fly. He then begins to walk back towards me and the store.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t know you couldn’t. I didn’t know.”

    (As a gesture of peace, he offers me his hand that had been previously occupied only few seconds before.)

    Me: “JUST GO!”

    Piercing Judgments

    | Medford, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

    (I have a purple/reddish birthmark about the size of a quarter above my eyebrow. I generally forget it exists. A self-important looking customer in his 60s comes to my register.)

    Customer: “Serves you right.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “What happened, did it get infected?” *huffs* “That’s what you get for piercing your face.”

    (Note: I have several small studs in each ear, but no other piercings.)

    Me: “I don’t know what you mean.”

    Customer: *smugly points to my eyebrow without saying a word*

    Me: “That’s actually a birthmark, but thanks for being so judgmental!”

    (The customer turns red, grabs his coffee, and quickly walks away without saying a word. He nearly spills his coffee on someone else in the process!)

    You Reap What You Soy

    | DE, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m a regular customer standing in line at my favorite coffee shop. It’s a busy morning, and the very friendly barista I know is flying through orders. Customer #1 is ahead of me waiting.)

    Barista: “I have a large latte for [Customer #1].”

    Customer #1: “Is that soy? I asked for soy.”

    Barista: “Oh no, it’s not. I apologize; the cup was not marked properly. I’m glad you checked.”

    Customer #1: “I have a severe dairy allergy. It was supposed to be soy.”

    Barista: “Well I do apologize; I’ll start another right away. We always say ‘soy’ when the coffee contains soy, so thanks for checking.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t need your attitude!”

    Barista: “I did not mean to give you any attitude, ma’am. Again I apologize. In fact, I have a diary allergy myself, so I understand. Here’s your tall latte with soy.”

    (I can tell that everyone around me is feeling uncomfortable witnessing Customer #1′s bad behavior. She starts to leave with her coffee, and turns to Customer #2.)

    Customer #1: “What a b****!”

    Customer #2: “You sure act like one!”

    (At this, the remainder of the customers shout statements of agreement.)

    Remainder Of Customers: “Yeah! Way to be a nasty person over a little mistake! Poor girl is just doing her job, and she’s hustling through it too! I would never want to have to put up with you! You really ought to be nicer to people who serve you your food!”

    (Customer #1 practically runs from the store. It gives me a little more faith in humanity!)

    Drowning In Incompetence

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I observe an exchange between a lifeguard, a mother, and the manager. The life guard has just jumped in and saves a three year old from drowning.)

    Mother: “Why did you just grab my kid?”

    Lifeguard: “He had wandered too deep and couldn’t touch the bottom; I pulled him out because he was drowning.”

    Mother: “He was just playing. He was perfectly fine.”

    Lifeguard: “Ma’am, his head was under water and he could not breathe. ”

    Mother: “I DEMAND to see your manager!”

    (The manager, who has witnessed the whole thing, walks over and takes the mother to his office. After about 10 minutes he returns and begins talking to the lifeguard.)

    Manager: “Our business is all about serving our members and what you did is unacceptable.”

    Life Guard: “You mean saving that kids life?”

    Manager: “Yes, the mother says he was just playing and you ruined his fun.”

    (The lifeguard is understandably speechless, so I feel the need to interject.)

    Me: “Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to congratulate this lifeguard on saving that kid’s life.”

    Manager: “He wasn’t drowning; it was just a drill.”

    Me: “Are you kidding?! The kid was under water, flailing, and unable to breathe!”

    Manager: “Really?”

    Lifeguard & Me: “YES!”

    Manager: “Oh, sorry.”

    (The manager walks away.)

    Me: “You need to find a new job.”

    Lifeguard: “No kidding.”

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