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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Hasn’t Got A Leg To Stand On

    | OK, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am mopping the floor when a customer walks in and proceeds to slip and fall.)

    Customer: “I’M GOING TO SUE! You could have KILLED ME!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s just two things wrong with your plan. One, I have ‘Caution – Wet Floor’ signs all over the store.”

    Customer: “Well I didn’t see them! I think I broke my leg!”

    Me: “Regardless, the store is released of all liability because they are out in highly visible places, and you just fell by one.”

    Customer: “I WANT YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”

    Me: “The other thing wrong with your plan is that I haven’t mopped over there yet. The floor is dry.”

    (The customer gets up on his ‘broken’ leg and scurries out.)

    Not Their Number One Flavor

    | USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (We can do urinalysis testing for anyone, for any reason. A client comes in with his mom, carrying a Gatorade bottle. He puts the bottle on my desk.)

    Client: “Can you test this?”

    (I realize that the bottle is filled with urine. Normally we have to supervise the test being taken, but his mom says it’s fine and his testing is voluntary anyway. I shrug and take the sample into the back to process it, and throw the bottle away in a biohazard bag. I come back to my desk.)

    Me: “Alright, the lab will test the sample, and you guys are good to go.”

    (The mom leaves, but the client just stands there.)

    Me: “Um, is there something else you need?”

    Client: “Can I have my water bottle back?”

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3

    , | MI, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [establishment]; what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: *angrily* “I would like to speak to a manager immediately.”

    (I go to the bathroom door where our manager is. She is currently feeling unwell, and thinks that she might be sick. I let her know someone is looking for a manager. I then return to the counter.)

    Me: “She will be up here in just a moment; is there anything I can do?”

    Customer: “Yes, you can tell your f****** manager to hurry it up! She’s so d*** fat, she takes forever to get up here.”

    Me: “Well, I can imagine that being pregnant and being sick would make you a little larger and slower.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *hastily leaves*

    Related:
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    Been Awake For A Maternity

    | Bergen, Norway | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Top

    (A scruffy looking customer comes into the store. He is wearing his pajamas, bright colored running shoes, and a scarf. He looks like he has not slept for weeks. He walks around the store for five minutes before coming to the line at the register. It is just after midnight.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir.”

    Scruffy Customer: *mumbles*

    (He has three items: anchovies, asparagus in a jar, and bacon-flavored chips.)

    Me: “Will with that be all, sir? Do you want a bag for your items?”

    Scruffy Customer: “No and yes, thank you.”

    (He reaches for his pocket and takes out his car keys, ruffles around other pockets to look for his wallet, and finds nothing. Something breaks inside of him. He puts a hand to cover his eyes and is starting to turn away from me.)

    Scruffy Customer: “I am sorry; she is going to kill me.”

    (He starts to walk out. Another customer in line speaks up.)

    Customer: “When is she due?”

    Scruffy Customer: “What?”

    Customer: “When is she due?”

    Scruffy Customer: “In three weeks or so. How did you know?”

    Customer: “Buying strange things in the middle of the night wearing pajamas. That is kind of a recipe for a guy who has a pregnant girl at home.”

    Scruffy Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.”

    (The scruffy customer starts to walk out again.)

    Customer: “Hey, go get your stuff on the counter. I will pay for you.” *to me* “How much is it?”

    Me: “Uhh… 76 kroner with my staff discount.”

    Customer: “Wow, anchovies, asparagus and bacon flavored chips. She has got it bad!”

    Scruffy Customer: “If it’s smelly, spicy or has a strange texture, she has to have it. I think she has tried everything in those categories. Except for shark meat, I think.”

    (The scruffy customer smiles, and the other customers at the register give out a laugh. He thanks the customer for paying, and tries to get his information to pay him back. The other customers there start to talk to him, give him advice and try to lift his spirits. He now has a four-month-old daughter, and does not look scruffy anymore!)

    Sea Of Electricity

    | NV, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m handing out inner tubes for a popular water slide. Several young men come up; one of them has a tattoo on his side that makes it look like his skin is peeling away to reveal mechanical inner workings. Shortly after they get in line, two little girls come up. They stare at the tattooed man for a few moments, and then one taps him on the leg.)

    Girl #1: “Are you sure you can go in the water?”

    Tattooed Man: “Uh… I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

    Girl #1: “But what about that?” *points to his tattoo* “My mommy says electric stuff can’t get wet.”

    Tattooed Man: *grinning* “Oh, don’t worry. I’m an underwater explorer robot. I’m built for that stuff.”

    Girl #2: “So you won’t break? Even if you get water all inside you?”

    Tattooed Man: “Nope!”

    Girls #1 & #2: *gaping at him* “Wow…”

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