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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.


    | CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am working the register at a sandwich shop at a theme park. A customer walks in with her mother.)

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Do y’all have turkey sandwiches?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. It comes with your choice of chips, salad, or fruit.”

    Customer: “Salad. I am on a diet so I can’t have any fat. By the way is your bread on the turkey sandwich fat free?”

    Me: “Yes, I believe so. I can go ask our chef if you would like.”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. I think you are right. Is your turkey fat free?”

    Me: “Yes, our turkey is lean, cooked and sliced right here.”

    Customer: “Oh, that sounds good. Also are your tomatoes fat free?”

    (At this point, the coworkers around me and this woman’s mother are stifling laughs.)

    Me: “Yes… they are definitely fat free.”

    Customer: *to her mother* “See, ma, I am doing this diet thing right.”

    Me: “Might I mention that we have a mustard sauce on our sandwich that is not fat free, and includes mayo. Would you like me to get you one without it?”

    Customer: “No. How can you eat a sandwich without mayo?”

    Not Much Assurance About The Insurance

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Health & Body

    (After working for another company for 45 years, I have purchased a key shop and am now the owner. Needless to say all contacts with my previous employer are gone. My cell phone rings.)

    Me: “This is the key shop. I am [My Name].”

    Caller: “Has your insurance changed?”

    Me: “Pardon? What insurance?”

    Caller: “Your insurance. Has it changed?”

    Me: “What insurance?”

    Caller: “Has your insurance changed?”

    Me: “What kind of insurance? I have just started this business. Are you asking about my business insurance or my locksmith insurance? I just received my locksmith insurance renewal notice last week but have not opened it yet.”

    Caller: “No, no, your insurance. Did it change?”

    Me: “What kind of insurance are you asking about? I have two cars with insurance on them, home insurance, life insurance, and others, but my wife takes care of them.”

    Caller: “Your insurance. We need to know if it changed.”

    Me: “And who is ‘We’? Who are you?”

    Caller: “I am from [Medical Office]. You have an appointment next week so we checked your insurer and they told us that you no longer have a policy with them.”

    Me: “Well, no. I no longer work for the company that contracts with them for employee medical insurance.”

    Caller: “So are you canceling your appointment?”

    Me: “Nope, I am 65 and now have Medicare and also supplemental insurance. I am bringing my new cards to my appointment with you.”

    Caller: “Why didn’t you just say that before?!”

    Doesn’t Quite Cut The Cheese

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Welcome to [Store]. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I need a dessert for my two diabetic friends. Let me see your cheesecakes.”

    Me: “…”

    Weeding Out The Irresponsible Users

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

    (I am working the closing shift one evening, with my only other company being my boss, the head pharmacist. A man comes in to pick up a fairly mundane prescription.)

    Me: “Before I ring this up, do you have any questions for the pharmacist?”

    Customer: “Yeah, will this have any interactions with marijuana?”

    Me: *looking to the pharmacist* “Um…”

    (My boss comes over to the registers and makes a show of looking through the printed information pamphlet that comes with every prescription.)

    Pharmacist: “I don’t believe so…”

    Customer: *picking up on our unease* “Oh, don’t worry. I don’t go out on the road or anything when I get high. I just stay home until my trip ends.”

    (He then paid his bill and left.)

    Me: *to pharmacist* “…Well, at least he’s being responsible about it.”

    Have No Stomach For Your Complaint

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work for a large health food company; however our store happens to be very small.)

    Me: “Hello, what can I help you find today? ”

    Customer: “I am looking for 100mg pantothenic acid.”

    Me: “I’m afraid we don’t stock that here, but we do a 500mg if you’re interested?”

    Customer: *suddenly angry* “No! That upsets my stomach. Every other branch of this company I have ever been in stocks the 100mg. YOU should, too. The other one hurts my stomach and I have to cut it into quarters just to take it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like me to look it up on our system to find out if we can order it in?”

    (At this point we go over to the till and I search for her item. No results come up, meaning it is not a product that any of our stores stock. It doesn’t show up as a deleted line either, meaning in all likelihood we have never stocked it.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry but I’m afraid that isn’t an item the company stocks after all.”

    Customer: *irrationally angry* “I know I have bought it at your other store before! YOU need to phone your head office and YOU need to get them to stock this item HERE.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I have no say in what head office decides to stock. I can offer you a freepost feedback card if you’d like to suggest it to them?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t have time for that! I have things to do! YOU should do it! I don’t understand why whenever I come in here you don’t have the product I want!”

    Me: “Well, without you sending a feedback card it is very unlikely head office will ever know about this. They listen to the opinions of their customers, not their shop assistants, on matters like this.”

    Customer: “Well, YOU should stock it; I’ve bought it here before! And why is everything in this shop so expensive?!”

    (At this point my supervisor came over to help and as I went to serve another customer I overhear the end of their conversation. My colleague explains repeatedly that we don’t stock the product and that our prices are higher as the company spends a lot to train us to be knowledgeable on our products. She also points out that the product is water soluble, meaning any excess is excreted out in the urine so it shouldn’t be causing the customer any pain. Eventually she leaves.)

    Me: “How did it go?”

    Supervisor: “Kill me now.”

    (It turned out, after speaking to our manager, that she came in every few months to have an argument about our company and our pantothenic acid, claiming to not have time for a feedback card despite spending around half an hour of her time berating us for something beyond our control.)