Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Sick Of His Secrets

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A man brought his little dog in because she wasn’t eating or going to the bathroom. The vets examined her and found that she had something stuck in her stomach blocking entrance to her small intestines. We ended up inducing vomiting. My job was to search for what could have caused the blockage.)

Me: *digging through the pile of vomit with a tongue depressor* “Ugh. Why is there so much stuff here? The guy said she wasn’t eating!”

Coworker: “Never thought I’d be digging through puke on a Saturday morning. Hey, what’s this?” *holding up a pink lacy thong with fishnet stockings stuck on it*

Me: “Oh, my god.”

(We bagged it up so the vet could show the client before sending it to the lab.)

Vet: “Sir, we found the cause of the blockage.”

Client: “Oh. OH. OH, MY… Can… can you please dispose of it?”

Vet: “We have to send it to the lab. Don’t worry; we’ll have them dispose of it.”

Client: “Thank you…”

(After he left, we all just about died laughing.)

Doctor’s Disorders

| ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

Me: “Thank you for calling pediatrics, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yeah, I saw my doctor today and she recommended I use lotrimin on my daughter’s yeast infection diaper rash but I’m at the store and the bottle says not to use on children under two except under the advice of a doctor. So I’m not sure what to do now…”

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 9

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(I am a cashier with a long line of customers. Note: the store I work at requires us to wear an apron.)

Customer: “Look at you! When are you due?”

Me: “I’m not pregnant.”

(Awkward pause as I continue ringing through her items.)

Customer “Are you sure? Sometimes you can be pregnant and not know it.”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. I am not pregnant.”

Customer: “Well, I think you are pregnant. You should go get a test because I know you are pregnant.”

Me: “Trust me, I am really not pregnant.”

Customer: “Maybe you are and you’re just in denial.”

Me: “No. I am NOT pregnant!”

Customer: “But you could—”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not pregnant; I am just fat.”

Customer: “…”

Me: *finishes transaction* “Thank you and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Congratulations on the baby!”

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 8
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 7
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6

Dropping The Change You Want To See In The World

| Berkeley, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m ringing up a frail, elderly customer who is having a hard time getting her money out, when she drops a quarter onto the floor. She turns to the customer behind her in line, who is in her late 30s.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, do you mind helping me pick that up?”

(Customer #2 sighs, but bends down and picks it up for her.)

Customer #1: “Thank you so much.”

(I continue ringing her up, when she drops a coin again.)

Customer #1: *again to Customer #2* “I’m so sorry, do you mind helping me again?”

Customer #2: “Okay, but if this keeps happening, maybe you should ask somebody else.”

Customer #1: “I’m sorry; I have arthritis and—”

Customer #2: “Yeah, well, I have my own problems, lady.”

Me: *speechless*

Not The Most Piercing Observation

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(A lady has come in to get her tongue pierced. At the moment, she has been looking at jewelry while our lead piercer sterilizes her jewelry.)

Customer: “You guys have a lot of jewelry on sale!”

Me: “We certainly do. We switched to implant grade titanium and these pieces were left from before the switch.”

Customer: “That’s cool! I just don’t understand how someone could wear this piece. I feel like they would bite it.”

Me: “We’ve never had that problem. Mainly because it’s a belly button ring. “

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