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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Your Connection Is Totally Forked

    | Norway | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology

    (I work at a call center for an Internet provider. This winter we have particularly bad weather. There has just been a huge thunderstorm over the west side of the country, frying both slams and modems all over. The call center is overloaded due to all the calls, and every time I get a new call I know the caller will spend the first 10 minutes complaining about the wait… which only makes the wait for other customers longer.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Internet Provider]. Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: *eerily cheery* “Oh, you sound nice! I’m so glad you decided to talk to me!”

    Me: *not sure if this person is being sarcastic or not* “Um… Thanks? What can I do for you?”

    Caller: *all of a sudden sounds very normal* “Oh, yeah. I kinda have a problem. You see, there is something wrong with my line. You know, into the house. And I’ve kinda fixed it myself, but now with all these storms, I’m not sure it will be good enough. So if there is any chance you could get a tech out and fix it before the next storm hits, that would be very much appreciated.”

    Me: *happy this has turned into such a normal and nice call* “Sure! I’ll put in an order for a tech right now! But, just for the record, please note that we do not encourage people to fix their own lines… It could be quite a fire hazard.”

    (I go ahead and get the usual info. Address, when the person is available, type of line etc. Everything seems normal.)

    Me: “Okay, so just one more question. Do you know what caused damage to the line?”

    Caller: “Well, it happened in another storm. In 1645!”

    Me: “Excuse me?!”

    Caller: “Yes! The big storm of 1645! It came loose from the connection point in my house because of the wind! And lightning! But I fixed it! With a fork!”

    Me: “You… fixed it. With… a fork.”

    Caller: *excited* “YES! But the fork is rusty now. It would be nice if you fixed it!”

    Me: *defeated* “Sure. Why not.”

    (I make a note of the whole stupid story in the tech’s order, send it on it’s way, and think no more of it. Two days later, a tech calls in and asks to talk to me. I get the call transferred.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. You wanted to talk to me?”

    Tech: *super excited* “THERE REALLY WAS A FORK!”

    It Has A Few Bugs In It

    | MA, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Technology

    (A customer comes in with a weather station, where there’s a small transmitter that goes outside to give you the outside temperature, and a bigger receiver that goes inside to show you the indoor temperature and what the transmitter is saying the outdoor temperature is. The transmitter isn’t working properly and is saying “LL” instead of a temperature. When a customer comes in with anything they claim doesn’t work, we have to troubleshoot.)

    Me: “All right. The transmitter runs on batteries, so I’m gonna swap them out and see if that’s the problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, those are brand new. I don’t see why that would be a problem.”

    Me: “Well, sometimes it just happens, so let’s look.”

    (I open the transmitter and take out the batteries, when something small and white falls out.)

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “…sir, I think those are maggots.”

    Customer: “Well, how did those get in there?”

    Me: “Bugs tend to go wherever its warm, and the transmitter must have been giving off heat.”

    (The customer then proceeds to bang the transmitter on the counter, trying to get out all the maggots. Now the counter covered in maggots and I’m starting to feel sick.)

    Me: “All right, sir, maybe I should take one more look at it.”

    (I took the transmitter back from the customer and went to look in the battery pack, when I saw spiders start to crawl out towards me. I dropped the transmitter on the counter and ran into the back to have a panic attack alone. I came back out and the customer is still there, talking to my coworker, and wanting to get the device replaced. We told him no. Lucky for us, he left his maggot and spider infested product with us.)

    Weirdness In The Blood

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (We have a patient known for saying random, off the wall things. I had just scheduled a follow up appointment for him.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, the doctor would like you to have some bloodwork done two weeks prior to your next appointment.”

    (I hand him the lab slip and the patient stares blankly at me for a moment.)

    Patient: “What do they do with the leftover blood?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Patient: “What do they do with the blood that they don’t use?”

    Me: “Um, I believe it’s discarded as they have no use for it…”

    Patient: “Do you think they would give it to me?”

    Me: “You want the leftover blood sample?”

    Patient: “Yes. It’s MY blood.”

    Me: “What would you do with it?”

    Patient: “I don’t know, but I want it!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Their Attitude Stinks

    | USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (An order comes to my pharmacy for a well-known antibiotic. This antibiotic is known to smell exactly like rotten eggs, so most of us just hold our breath while we count it and try not to think about it too much. We dispense it to a woman who is picking it up for her teenage son. Everything is normal and she leaves with the prescription, but about 10 minutes later she comes stomping back into the pharmacy, pretty much shoves the person that I am currently helping out of the way, and throws the bottle of medication on the counter.)

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager right now! You guys gave me rotten medication!”

    Me: “Really? Let me look at the expiration date on your bottle. Normally we don’t keep anything that has one less than a year away.”

    (I look at the bottle and see that the pharmacist wrote a date of over a year away, and I go over to our stock bottle and check and the numbers correspond with each other.)

    Me: “Hmm. Well, ma’am, it doesn’t look like this medication is expired but I will have the phar—”

    Customer: “You are just lying! I mean, come on and open that bottle! It smells totally rotten! I can’t believe that you would ever give someone bad medication! My son is very very ill!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s just because the active chemical that is in this medication has a bad smell. Trust me, I wish there was something that we could do about it back here, too. Most of us hold our breath while we count it.”

    Customer: “Stop ****** lying to me. You just don’t want to admit you did something wrong! I will have your job for this, b****!

    (At this point the pharmacist who has been listening the whole time walks over.)

    Pharmacist: “Ma’am, while I don’t like the fact that you are calling my staff names like that I will let you know two things. One is, certain chemicals have a bad smell. It’s just a fact of life. So, while I know that smell is unpleasant, it’s just one of those side effects that come with being able to take medications that will help your sick son. I assure you it’s supposed to smell that bad. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t work right. Two, since you don’t seem to want to listen to my employees and call them awful names, this will be the last time that you or any members of your family can shop or fill any type of medication here. Maybe in the future you can learn how to treat people the way you want to be treated.”

    (The woman proceeded to turn bright red with embarrassment and tried to apologize, but my boss wouldn’t hear it. That was almost two years ago and he still will not allow her or her family to fill their prescriptions at his pharmacy.)

    As Sick As A Parrot

    | New York City, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (My friend is a small-mammal handler at a zoo. Today, she’s taken a particularly docile ferret out to let visitors encounter it first-hand. A couple comes in with a young child. I’m standing in the background.)

    Mother: “Ooh, look, the zoo lady’s got a baby raccoon!”

    Father: “That’s some sort of weasel!”

    Child: “Mom, I wanna see the octopus.”

    Mother: “Let’s go see the nice lady with the raccoon.”

    Father: “Weasel.”

    (The mother gives the father a look and then approaches my friend.)

    Mother: “‘Excuse me, miss, what kind of animal is that?”

    Friend: “This is a ferret. Her name is [Name] and she’s very friendly. You can pet her if you take care to avoid—”

    Father: “Parrot!? That’s a weasel!”

    Friend: “It’s a ferret. They’re in the weasel family, like—”

    Father: “You sure?”

    Friend: “Yes, very sure. Ferrets are among—”

    Father: “Let’s go see the octopus, [Child].”

    (They leave in a hurry. Curious, I follow them outside.)

    Father: “D*** thing must have been sick. Pretty irresponsible of them to expose us to a sick parrot.”

    Child: “Ferret.”

    Father: “We just saw the parrot. I thought you wanted to see the octopus.”

    Child: “Daddy, is your hearing aid on?”

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