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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    ‘V’ For Victory

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I work in a call center that offers referrals for mental health clinicians. This lady has been chewing my ear off about how she can’t find anyone in her area, despite there being around 50 clinicians within 20 miles of her.)

    Caller: “I have to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist. NO NURSE PRACTITIONERS!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “I need to see someone who is an actual professional.”

    Me: “Well, nurse practitioners are licensed professionals. They actually can prescribe medication, whereas a PhD can’t.”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t want to deal with someone who couldn’t make it in medical school.”

    Me: “No psychologist in your area went to medical school, either.”

    (This goes on for a few minutes, until I find her a clinician that fits her picky standards.)

    Me: “So the provider’s name is Tivoli. ‘T’ as in Tom, ‘I’ as in Idaho, ‘V’ as in Victor, ‘O’ as in—”

    Caller: “Hold it, hold it! What the h*** do you mean ‘C’ as in Victor? Are you brain-dead or something? There’s no ‘C’ in Victor!”

    Me: “Well, for one thing, there is. It’s the third letter. And for another, I said ‘V’ as in Victor.”

    Caller: “Oh. I thought you said ‘C.'”

    Me: “That’s why I gave you a phonetic word. To avoid that very confusion.”

    Caller: “Still… *she had nothing to follow this*

    Lack Of Touching Sentiment

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am working on the teller line when a customer comes into the lobby. He smells like he hasn’t bathed all week, and his hands are filthy. Also, our bank requires customers who don’t have an account with us to put a thumbprint on the front of any checks they cash. This is a fairly common procedure at many banks.)

    Customer: “I’d like to cash this check.”

    Me: “Okay, if I could just get your thumbprint on the check…” *holds out ink pad*

    Customer: *raising his hands and backing away* “I am NOT touching THAT. I don’t know where it’s been. It could have Ebola. I gotta protect myself.”

    Me: “You do realize the cash you are getting has been more places than this ink pad has right?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t have any idea who’s been touching that pad. They could’ve picked their nose and then touched it for all I know.”

    (I count out his cash, and right before he leaves he grabs a pen off the counter, that EVERY SINGLE other customer has touched, and says:)

    Customer: “Is it okay if I take this?”

    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 2

    | Hampshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    Customer: “I’m allergic to tree pollen, but I don’t have hay fever, so don’t try to sell me any hay-fever medication!”

    New Colleague: “Sir, an allergy to tree pollen is hay fever. If you take these it will help.”

    Customer: “It say’s trainee on your badge. You don’t know what you’re talking about! I’d like to speak to a more senior member of staff!”

    (The new colleague fetches me. I am 20 years younger than my colleague.)

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I asked to speak to a senior member of staff! Why are you getting involved?!”

    Me: “As I’ve been here the longest. I am more than capable of answering any problems you may have.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re a child. You can’t possibly be able to deal with the responsibility! Get me someone more senior!”

    (I go and get the pharmacist who has been listening to the whole thing.)

    Customer: “Finally, an adult who knows what they’re doing! How can you leave a child in charge of your chemist counter?”

    Pharmacist: “Well, sir, [My Name] has passed all of her courses with the highest mark we’ve ever seen in this store, so I’m perfectly happy to let her deal with any queries, but as I’m here – what’s the problem?

    Customer: *looking sheepish* “I’m allergic to tree pollen and want something for it.”

    Pharmacist: “That’s called hay fever; try an antihistamine.”

    Related
    Allergic To Common Sense

    An Epidemic Of Stupidity

    , | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Holidays

    (I work for a company that sells emergency preparedness gear, including gas masks, chemical suits, and other disaster response equipment. Any time there’s a disaster or terrorist attack, our sales go through the roof by ‘preppers’ and other panicking individuals. Recently, there’s been an Ebola epidemic with the first cases occurring in the United States; thousands of orders have been coming in and those who ordered entire sets of equipment are backlogged at least a month.)

    Customer: “I’m checking on an order. I was charged but haven’t seen any shipping info yet. I placed it 7-10 days ago.”

    Me: “And did you order any gas masks or full sets of equipment?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure. I ordered a suit. For Halloween.”

    Me: *thinking such a small order should have been finished, I pull up his information* “Sir, you didn’t order just a suit, you ordered an entire protective kit… mask, filter, suit, gloves, boots, etc.”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s a minimum one month delay on protective gear right now due to high order volume.”

    Customer: “So, you mean I won’t have it for Halloween?”

    Me: “No, sir. There is a panic epidemic going on and you were one of thousands who’ve been ordering these products.”

    Customer: “Wow. I had no idea. So there’s no way I’m going to get a protective suit by Halloween?”

    Me: “Sir, the entire industry is wiped clean. GLOBALLY. It will take them months to get back up to speed.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should really let people know when there’s an epidemic going on, so we know there’ll be delays.”

    Not A Regular Response

    | TX, USA | Health & Body, Movies & TV

    (I’m at the ticket booth ordering my ticket for the movie. I happen to be 57 years old.)

    Me: “One for [Movie], please.”

    Ticketer: “Senior or regular?”

    Me: “Uh, ummm… uh… regular.”

    Ticketer: “Seven dollars, please.”

    Me: “You know, when you ask a senior if he’s regular that has a different meaning. I may be a senior but I’m regular.”

    Ticketer: *smiles*

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