Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

That Old Adage About Old Age

| Wales, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

(My department for the local county council takes service requests from residents of the area for all sorts of things:)

Me: “Bore da. Good morning. This is [Local Council].”

Caller: *shouting* “I’M OLD!”

Me: “Okay, sir, it happens to all of us eventually. Now, how can I help?”

Caller: “I’M OLD, YOU SEE! I’M DISABLED! I HAVE ARTHRITIS AND SCIATICA AND BUNIONS.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you have those things, sir. Now, please tell me how I can help you this morning.”

Customer: “YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TO ME. I’M OLD AND YOU NEED TO GET THIS SORTED.”

Me: “I listened to everything you’ve said, sir. You’re elderly and you suffer from arthritis and sciatica and bunions. Now, these things understandably cause you pain and would have meant you needed help with something. If you can remember what that ‘something’ was and recall why you might have phoned me up, I can try and help you.”

Customer: “I NEED YOU TO… Oh. I can’t remember. If you remember can you call me?” *click*

Me: *to thin air* “Uh… not without your phone number, I can’t.”

Utah Is Not Her Calling

| UT, USA | Health & Body

(I used to work in a very different kind of call center. People who lived in California would call us in Utah to make an appointment for their doctors. But we weren’t allowed to tell them we were in Utah, so we had to act like we were actually in California, at the front desk of the doctor’s office.)

Me: “[Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I need to talk to the nurse right away!”

Me: “Okay, no problem, ma’am. I’m just going to need to open up your file real fast. Can I get your last name and birth date?”

Customer: “No. You’re in f***** Utah. I don’t want to give you s***. You’ll steal my identity.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I am unable to transfer you over to your nurse unless I have your information.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *hangs up*

(About five minutes later I get the same lady again and go through the regular routine.)

Customer: “I’m going to call the police and the newspapers and let them know that you’re stealing our jobs!”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re upset, ma’am. I can try to get you to a nurse, but that means I have to put you on hold”

Customer: “You’re going to go to jail because you stole our jobs! You will not put me on hold or I will press charges!”

(I tried to work with her more but she was not having it. She ended up just hanging up on me. I finally was able to open her file, because I guess I wasn’t the only person she threatened that day. She never called me back, but I later found out that she stormed into the doctor’s office and they ended up having to call the cops to escort her out.)

Has One Of Those Genderal Voices

| Wales, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in the departmental switchboard, so I field calls. If someone’s on their phone or even logged out, the calls reroute to me/ Normally people are fine with me taking messages.)

Me: “Bore da. Good morning.  [Local Government].”

Customer: “Hello! Is that [Male Colleague]?”

Me: “Nope, [Colleague] is off sick at the moment. If you tell me your query I can direct you to somebody else who may be able to help.”

Customer: “Oh, it IS you [Male Colleague]!”

Me: “Ma’am. I am not [Male Colleague], I am [Female Name] and you’re through to switchboard. What’s your query?”

Customer: “How did your op go, [Male Colleague]? I didn’t realise it was THAT kind of op!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am NOT [Male Colleague]. If you tell me what your call is regarding, perhaps I can help you.”

Customer: *ignoring me* “Cruciate ligament, you said. Well, now we know better. I think [Female Name] is a great choice! Good for you!”

Me: “Ma’am, [Male Colleague] is still on sick. He did not have gender reassignment surgery. I am a different person. And I would like, very much, to help you with your query.”

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll see you at [Local Pub] on Friday. We can have a chat ‘off the record’ and I’ll bring you my favourite lipstick.” *click*

(All my switchboard colleagues, who’ve only heard my half of the conversation, are staring at me.)

Me: “Yeah, I have no idea either.”

A Sickening Request

| Memphis, TN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work as a cashier in a gourmet grocery store known for its healthier food options. The store provides coffee samples with napkins and stirrers, and a lot of customers end up asking us to throw their unused napkins away. A customer approaches me with a full basket.)

Customer: “Geez, it’s terrible how sick everyone’s getting. Is anyone out sick here?”

Me: “Yeah, we’re pretty short handed here today.”

Customer: “Well, you know with a job like this you have to be extra careful! So many people touching things and breathing the same air! It’s so easy for gals like you to get sick.” *she produces a napkin from her hand. It’s balled up* “By the way, could you throw this away for me?”

(I cringe but can’t refuse, and after a moment I finish ringing her up.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Thanks for being so quick, hon. I gotta get home soon. I’m not feeling great and think I got a cold!”

Can’t Hold A Finger To His Complacency

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I am in the waiting room at an urgent care facility. A young man in his 20s walks up to the receptionist, a bloody paper towel around one hand.)

Receptionist: “Is it still bleeding?”

Caller: “Yeah. I have it in a bag, see?”

(He then pulls out a plastic bag from a pocket, with the tip of his finger inside.)

Receptionist: “You need to go to the ER.”

Caller: “Aw, man, really?”

Receptionist: “Um, yes. Yes, you really do.”

(He only seemed mildly disappointed, but turned and calmly walked out of the office.)

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