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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Deeply Fried And Deeply Mistaken

    | Onley, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a department store. I am helping stock shelves in the grocery department.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Could you help me find Sugar-Free Oreos?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I’m not too familiar with the grocery department and it takes us a while to find them.)

    Me: “Oh! Here they are!”

    Customer: “Oh! Thank you! I’m so happy you found them!”

    Me: “No problem. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Well, my daughter bought them here last week. I’ve been looking for them ever since.”

    Me: “I’m glad I could help—”

    Customer: “You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because they’re healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind.”

    Doesn’t Seem To Get The Concept(ion)

    | Denison, TX, USA | Health & Body, Religion

    (I do the marketing and advertising for an OB/GYN. I overhear an interesting exchange.)

    Doctor: “You’re pregnant and you have an STD. You must have had some kind of sex to get pregnant.”

    Patient: “Well, Mary didn’t!”

    A Bad Hair Day

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (It is Christmas Eve. I have just finished a very difficult 13-hour shift, with a 2-hour commute to the small town I live just outside of. I am picking up milk. My hair is cropped short, and though I am very skinny, my uniform is shapeless except for the back brace I am wearing. As I get in line, a very drunk customer behind me turns to another customer.)

    Drunk Customer: “Can you believe this [lesbian slur]? Look at her! She can at least clean herself up before coming into our town! What a fat useless c***! She’s wearing a d*** girdle! Ha! That fat will melt right off when she goes to Hell!”

    (The drunk customer continues berating the way I look, and throwing insults over his shoulder. Finally I have had enough. I set my milk on the conveyor belt and spin around to face the man.)

    Me: “Let’s get a few things straight! First, this is a back brace, not a girdle! I wear it because I was born with a deformed pelvis and spine, and I can very easily paralyze myself with improper body mechanics. Secondly, I have been with my MALE fiancé for five years. But at least you are right about one thing. I would look a h*** of a lot better with my hair long. I used to have long, beautiful, full curls. So beautiful, in fact, my six-year-old niece would cry every time I visited her because she lost all of her hair when she started chemo for her leukemia. So for Christmas, I cut off all of my long feminine curls and have had them made into a wig so she doesn’t have to feel ugly when she goes to school. I just thank God she lives two towns over, because after what you’ve said about me, I can’t imagine what you and the rest of the people here like you would say to a sad, sick little girl!”

    (The next time I went back to pick up a few things, the manager approached me. It turned out the entire staff had donated to my niece’s cancer treatment!)

    Blind To The Naked Truth

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Health & Body

    (I’m a lifeguard. I get a complaint that the ladies changing room is dirty. I go in to clean it up. I am approached by an elderly patron who is as naked as the day she was born.)

    Patron: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Umm… sure. Go ahead.”

    Patron: “Do you like working in a pool?”

    Me: “Yeah. It’s not the greatest job in the world, but it’s better than working retail or fast food.”

    Patron: “I think I would hate it! I mean, you must see lots of people wearing clothes that they’re too fat for.”

    Me: “Yeah. That happens occasionally. Fortunately, I don’t need to stare at them. I just need to make sure they’re not drowning every thirty seconds or so.”

    Patron: “But still! So many fat people come here! And then you poor souls have to clean up the changing rooms, where so many people walk around completely naked without any shame!”

    (The patron is still standing there in all her naked glory.)

    Me: “Yeah. It’s even more awkward when the patron engages me in a long conversation.”

    Patron: “Exactly! Some people just have no shame!”

    Mom Is Breaking Bad Habits

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am serving a customer who is purchasing over $600 worth of clothing and accessories for her son’s upcoming 21st birthday, as well as making an exchange on his behalf.)

    Me: “Okay. Was there anything else before I process the exchange?”

    Customer: “No. Here you go!”

    (She hands me the bag with the original item. As I remove it from the bag, an obviously used meth pipe falls onto the counter.)

    Me: *in disbelief* “Um…”

    Customer: “Oh, my God! What is that?”

    Me: “Um, it’s a pipe…”

    Customer: “A pipe? Like a smoking pipe? What is it for?”

    Me: *I pause, unsure of how to break it to her*

    Customer: “Is it for marijuana?!”

    (By now she is already visibly flustered, looking incredibly angry, and, most of all, mortified. I decide not to tell her what it really is, in fear of her having a heart attack in front of me.)

    Me: “Yeah. It’s for marijuana.”

    Customer: “I’m going to kill him! What else is he doing? Oh, my God. I’m so embarrassed!”

    Me: “He’s obviously got a lot of explaining to do?”

    Customer: “I’ll have to confront him about this. Who knows if he’ll be getting anything at all for his birthday?!”

    (To my surprise, she actually still purchased everything. I do wonder if her son confessed to what he was actually smoking!)

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