Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Casting The First Stone Cold Glare
    (1,621 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    These Customers Aren’t Even Faintly Sharp

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (A female and male customer walk into my tattoo parlor.)

    Female Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get my lip pierced, but I’m terrified of needles. Is there anything you can do?”

    Me: “Well, you could use [freezing cream] which would numb the skin and you wouldn’t feel a thing.”

    Female Customer: “Hmm, I don’t think so. Just show me the needle and I’ll faint, and then you can do the piercing.”

    Me: “Uh, I think that’s illegal.”

    (As I say this, the female customer has apparently spotted some of our needles nearby still in their packaging, which she apparently has no problems with. Without warning, she grabs one, rips it out of its packaging and proceeds to faint on the spot. The male customer speaks up in her place.)

    Male Customer: “Can’t you just do it now?”

    (I proceed to call an ambulance. Thankfully the woman is fine. My coworkers and I still talk about it!)

    Well Played, Indeed: The Comic

    | Not Always Right | Comics, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    A Bad Case Of The Mondays

    | UK | Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m working the reception at a physiotherapist’s office. A patient enters. She’s looking a little stressed.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’ve got a prescription at [time].”

    Me: “Uh… a prescription?”

    Patient: *shakes her head* “No, I meant… an appointment. An appointment at uh… ten to… quarter… Mr. [Name], no… [Other Name]… oh for crying out loud!”

    (She stops abruptly, turns around and walks out. I sit there a little stunned. Then the door opens and she comes back in.)

    Patient: “Good morning. I’ve got an appointment to see Mr. [Name] at [time].”

    Me: “Ah yes, there you are. Just go take a sheep—”

    (I stop, embarrassed. The patient smiles.)

    Patient: “Monday mornings, right?”

    Capable Of Handicapping The Capable

    , | TX, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (My grandmother is 96 years old, but she is still able to drive. A car without a handicapped license plate cuts her off and pulls into the handicapped spot, so she has to park further down. She walks with her cane past the 20-something young man who took her spot.)

    Grandmother: “I know we aren’t supposed to judge others because we never know what they are going through, so I am going to assume you needed that parking space more than I did.”

    Young Man: *turning red and not making eye contact* “Sorry about that, ma’am. Um… can I help you into the store?”

    Grandmother: “Thank you, I knew you were really a nice young man.” *takes his arm* “I’ve been a widow for almost 20 years, and it’s been a long time since a man offered to walk me anywhere.”

    The Generation Size Gap

    | Hampshire, England, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I’m standing near the front of the store, greeting customers as they come in. An elderly gentleman enters with a walking stick.)

    Me: “Hello.” *smiling*

    Customer: *suddenly frowning* “GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD!”

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Customer: “GOOD GOD!” *raises stick and pokes me in the stomach with it* “Would you look at that?! You could live for years! Forever in that body!”

    Me: “Erm, thanks?!”

    Customer: “No! I mean you must be one of those genetic throwbacks! You don’t get trim girls anymore. Girls these days are FAT FAT FAT! I bet you could even run if you needed to!”

    Me: “Sometimes I run; I mostly just eat healthy really.”

    Customer: “GOOD GOD! I must go and get Marjorie from the CD shop and show you to her! GOOD GOD!”

    (He turns and leaves, but never does return. Not even with Marjorie.)


    Page 32/95First...3031323334...Last