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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Bad Case Of The Mondays

    | UK | Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m working the reception at a physiotherapist’s office. A patient enters. She’s looking a little stressed.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’ve got a prescription at [time].”

    Me: “Uh… a prescription?”

    Patient: *shakes her head* “No, I meant… an appointment. An appointment at uh… ten to… quarter… Mr. [Name], no… [Other Name]… oh for crying out loud!”

    (She stops abruptly, turns around and walks out. I sit there a little stunned. Then the door opens and she comes back in.)

    Patient: “Good morning. I’ve got an appointment to see Mr. [Name] at [time].”

    Me: “Ah yes, there you are. Just go take a sheep—”

    (I stop, embarrassed. The patient smiles.)

    Patient: “Monday mornings, right?”

    Capable Of Handicapping The Capable

    , | TX, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (My grandmother is 96 years old, but she is still able to drive. A car without a handicapped license plate cuts her off and pulls into the handicapped spot, so she has to park further down. She walks with her cane past the 20-something young man who took her spot.)

    Grandmother: “I know we aren’t supposed to judge others because we never know what they are going through, so I am going to assume you needed that parking space more than I did.”

    Young Man: *turning red and not making eye contact* “Sorry about that, ma’am. Um… can I help you into the store?”

    Grandmother: “Thank you, I knew you were really a nice young man.” *takes his arm* “I’ve been a widow for almost 20 years, and it’s been a long time since a man offered to walk me anywhere.”

    The Generation Size Gap

    | Hampshire, England, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I’m standing near the front of the store, greeting customers as they come in. An elderly gentleman enters with a walking stick.)

    Me: “Hello.” *smiling*

    Customer: *suddenly frowning* “GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD!”

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Customer: “GOOD GOD!” *raises stick and pokes me in the stomach with it* “Would you look at that?! You could live for years! Forever in that body!”

    Me: “Erm, thanks?!”

    Customer: “No! I mean you must be one of those genetic throwbacks! You don’t get trim girls anymore. Girls these days are FAT FAT FAT! I bet you could even run if you needed to!”

    Me: “Sometimes I run; I mostly just eat healthy really.”

    Customer: “GOOD GOD! I must go and get Marjorie from the CD shop and show you to her! GOOD GOD!”

    (He turns and leaves, but never does return. Not even with Marjorie.)

    Hasn’t Got A Leg To Stand On

    | OK, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am mopping the floor when a customer walks in and proceeds to slip and fall.)

    Customer: “I’M GOING TO SUE! You could have KILLED ME!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s just two things wrong with your plan. One, I have ‘Caution – Wet Floor’ signs all over the store.”

    Customer: “Well I didn’t see them! I think I broke my leg!”

    Me: “Regardless, the store is released of all liability because they are out in highly visible places, and you just fell by one.”

    Customer: “I WANT YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”

    Me: “The other thing wrong with your plan is that I haven’t mopped over there yet. The floor is dry.”

    (The customer gets up on his ‘broken’ leg and scurries out.)

    Not Their Number One Flavor

    | USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (We can do urinalysis testing for anyone, for any reason. A client comes in with his mom, carrying a Gatorade bottle. He puts the bottle on my desk.)

    Client: “Can you test this?”

    (I realize that the bottle is filled with urine. Normally we have to supervise the test being taken, but his mom says it’s fine and his testing is voluntary anyway. I shrug and take the sample into the back to process it, and throw the bottle away in a biohazard bag. I come back to my desk.)

    Me: “Alright, the lab will test the sample, and you guys are good to go.”

    (The mom leaves, but the client just stands there.)

    Me: “Um, is there something else you need?”

    Client: “Can I have my water bottle back?”


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