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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Foul Weather Today

    | Norway | Norway | Health & Body

    (I am a nurse helping a patient using the toilet. He is 92 years old. I come to help him get dressed and off the toilet.)

    Me: “So… did you manage to do what you were going to?”

    Patient: “There was lots of wind, but no precipitation!”

    Next Time Will Nose Better

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (Due to my extreme social awkwardness, I am the bad customer in this story! I work in a call centre and am mentally programmed to use a certain phone manner. On this day, I am wandering along my local shopping strip when I decide I want to get my nose pierced. I walk into a tattoo parlour.)

    Me: “Hi! I’m looking to get my nose pierced.”

    Tattooist: “Oh, our piercer isn’t at work today, but she’ll be back tomorrow.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s okay. Today is my only day off, but thank you for your help.”

    (I walk outside and search for piercers on my smartphone. A location nearby shows up, and I call the number.)

    Me: “Hi! I’m looking to make an appointment to get my nose pierced.”

    Voice On The Phone: “Uh… our piercer isn’t working today.”

    (I suddenly realise I’ve called the exact same shop I had just been into, and am now standing outside of in full view. I am so embarrassed that I panic and forget what to say.)

    Me: “Oh… uh… thank you for calling! Goodbye!”

    (I abruptly ended the call and turned to walk away, but accidentally made prolonged, awkward eye contact with the tattooist through the shop window before I finally left. At least I might have given him something to laugh about!)

    Nut A Good Idea

    , | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m working the register at a sandwich shop.)

    Customer: *completely earnest* “I have a question about your cookies. I see here there are some labeled “White Chip Macadamia Nut.” Does that mean there are white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts?”

    Me: “I… uh… yes.”

    Customer: “So then I can’t give them to my son with a nut allergy, right?”

    Me: “That would be a bad idea, yes.”

    Customer: “All right, let me have one of those for me and one chocolate chip for my son.”

    Me: “I don’t think that would be a good idea, ma’am.”

    Customer: *getting irritated* “Well, why not? Do the chocolate chip cookies have nuts in them?”

    Me: “Well, no, but they do come into contact with nuts in several places. Like when we’re baking them, or when we use the same tongs to grab them. Or the display case in front of you where the chocolate chip cookies are touching the macadamia nut cookies…”

    Customer: “Fine, then, I won’t get him any cookies. Just give me my sandwiches and two small drinks.”

    Me: “Uh… I’m afraid I can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? I paid you didn’t I?!”

    Me: “Um… you haven’t ordered a sandwich yet.”

    (Luckily my manager came back from break and we were able to sort everything out before it escalated.)

    Fry Your Brains

    , | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (It’s a semi-busy night. I and one other manager are up front helping to get orders out when this woman grabs my attention from across the counter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could you make sure my fries are extra crispy?”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Good. Thanks. I can’t have all that extra fat in me.”

    Me: *stunned speechless for a few seconds* “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “I need them extra well done so there isn’t as much fat on my fries.”

    (I blink a few more times before smiling, nodding, and turning around to relay this information to the manager.)

    Manager: *in response to the customers request* “Wait, what?”

    Me: “You heard me.”

    Manager: “Did you explain how deep frying works?”

    Me: “You know, it wasn’t worth the argument.”

    Giving Them A Minor Earful

    | IL, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I work in an alternative store that sells body jewelry and such. My earlobes are stretched to about the size of a nickel. A woman and her daughter come in to the store.)

    Daughter: “Mom, I want to stretch my earlobes like that girl.”

    Mom: “Absolutely not! Those look disgusting. You’re not ruining your body like her.”

    Me: *standing five feet away* “Well, one pro to ear stretching is that it does not affect your hearing at all… Just so you know.”

    Mom: *to daughter* “Well, maybe you can have really small ones.”

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