Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Has One Of Those Genderal Voices

| Wales, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in the departmental switchboard, so I field calls. If someone’s on their phone or even logged out, the calls reroute to me/ Normally people are fine with me taking messages.)

Me: “Bore da. Good morning.  [Local Government].”

Customer: “Hello! Is that [Male Colleague]?”

Me: “Nope, [Colleague] is off sick at the moment. If you tell me your query I can direct you to somebody else who may be able to help.”

Customer: “Oh, it IS you [Male Colleague]!”

Me: “Ma’am. I am not [Male Colleague], I am [Female Name] and you’re through to switchboard. What’s your query?”

Customer: “How did your op go, [Male Colleague]? I didn’t realise it was THAT kind of op!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am NOT [Male Colleague]. If you tell me what your call is regarding, perhaps I can help you.”

Customer: *ignoring me* “Cruciate ligament, you said. Well, now we know better. I think [Female Name] is a great choice! Good for you!”

Me: “Ma’am, [Male Colleague] is still on sick. He did not have gender reassignment surgery. I am a different person. And I would like, very much, to help you with your query.”

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll see you at [Local Pub] on Friday. We can have a chat ‘off the record’ and I’ll bring you my favourite lipstick.” *click*

(All my switchboard colleagues, who’ve only heard my half of the conversation, are staring at me.)

Me: “Yeah, I have no idea either.”

A Sickening Request

| Memphis, TN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work as a cashier in a gourmet grocery store known for its healthier food options. The store provides coffee samples with napkins and stirrers, and a lot of customers end up asking us to throw their unused napkins away. A customer approaches me with a full basket.)

Customer: “Geez, it’s terrible how sick everyone’s getting. Is anyone out sick here?”

Me: “Yeah, we’re pretty short handed here today.”

Customer: “Well, you know with a job like this you have to be extra careful! So many people touching things and breathing the same air! It’s so easy for gals like you to get sick.” *she produces a napkin from her hand. It’s balled up* “By the way, could you throw this away for me?”

(I cringe but can’t refuse, and after a moment I finish ringing her up.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Thanks for being so quick, hon. I gotta get home soon. I’m not feeling great and think I got a cold!”

Can’t Hold A Finger To His Complacency

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I am in the waiting room at an urgent care facility. A young man in his 20s walks up to the receptionist, a bloody paper towel around one hand.)

Receptionist: “Is it still bleeding?”

Caller: “Yeah. I have it in a bag, see?”

(He then pulls out a plastic bag from a pocket, with the tip of his finger inside.)

Receptionist: “You need to go to the ER.”

Caller: “Aw, man, really?”

Receptionist: “Um, yes. Yes, you really do.”

(He only seemed mildly disappointed, but turned and calmly walked out of the office.)

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 7

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I am folding clothes with a coworker in the maternity section of a large chain department store. My coworker and I are both in our early 20s. The racks are tall enough so you can only see our heads and shoulders. A middle aged woman approaches us from behind.)

Customer: “When are you ladies due?”

(I step around the rack and hold up my badge so she can clearly see I’m an employee and that I’m not pregnant.)

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. We are just straightening up the department. Neither of us are expecting.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I guess you’re not.” *turning to my coworker* “When are you due?”

Coworker: “I’m actually not pregnant either.”

Customer: “Of course you are!”

Coworker: “No, ma’am, I assure you I’m not.”

Customer: “Don’t be silly. When are you due?”

Coworker: “I’M NOT PREGNANT. I’M JUST FAT!”

(The customer gets ready to say something else but just walks away.)

Coworker: “I’m never wearing this sweater again…”

Me: “I’m never working in the maternity section again.”

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 5
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4

That’s No Way To Talk To A Customer

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m checking out at a grocery store and the cashier has a sign out that reads ‘I’ve lost my voice. Please work with me.’)

Cashier: *nods at me by way of greeting; points to the sign*

Me: *nods and give thumbs up to indicate that I saw it*

Cashier: *scans a bottle of wine; pantomimes opening his wallet*

Me: *wordlessly show him my ID*

Cashier: *holds up a bag; raises eyebrow to ask if I want one*

Me: *nods; hold up one finger*

Me: *out loud* “Oh… I guess I can still talk, huh?”

Cashier: *smiles and writes me a quick note on a scrap of paper*

Note: “Don’t feel bad. You’re at least the 10th person today.”

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