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    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Try To Flush This Customer From Your System

    | Mankato, MN, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am looking at cold medicine when a man stops me.)

    Man: “Excuse me; do you know where the laxatives are?”

    (Assuming he had a good reason for asking a stranger, I show him a few aisles over.)

    Man: “Oh, this can’t be right… What about suppositories?”

    (Very awkward items to ask for, but I find them and try to walk away.)

    Man: “This goes where? Oh god! I am trying this new diet thing… But it can’t be correct.”

    Me: “Well, there are some diets these days that try to ‘flush’ you out, so it’s not uncommon.”

    (Visually perplexed, he sets them back and mumbles:)

    Me: “I better rethink this.”

    (I quickly wander to a completely different section of the store, and shortly after, he came up to me again.)

    Man: “So, do you even work here?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Man: “Huh…” *he slowly walks away*

    Date Updated

    | Reading, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I get home from work to find my wife (who gets home before me) has unpacked the shopping which has been delivered.)

    Me: “What do you want for tea?”

    Wife: “We were going to have macaroni but we’ll have to have the chicken biryani instead because it goes out of date today. There were six things which go out today, which is outrageous.”

    Me: “I thought they were supposed to inform you when they gave you things with today’s use-by date?”

    Wife: “So did I. So I rang them up to complain. Such a nice lady, she apologised and gave us a refund on each of these articles.”

    Me: “Nice of her.” *goes to fridge* “What, this chicken Biryani? Doesn’t go out of date until Saturday.”

    (Today is Thursday.)

    Wife: “What! But it distinctly says: use by the 12th.”

    Me: “Yes, and today’s the 10th.”

    Wife: “Oops.”

    (She rang the supermarket back and was really apologetic about it. The woman at the other end was so happy to receive an apologetic phone call she let us keep the refund.)

    Signs You Should Probably Stop Driving

    , | CO, USA | Health & Body, Transportation

    (An elderly customer calls about her policy, which has increased at the most recent renewal due to an accident she’s had pulling out of the drive from her retirement community.)

    Customer: “You know, I’m really a good driver. I just didn’t see the other car. It came from nowhere.”

    Me: I’m sure you wouldn’t have attempted to pull out if you’d seen it.”

    Customer: “Many of my neighbors sold their cars and ride the bus; several routes go right by our complex. I can’t do that, though, because I don’t see so well anymore. I can’t read those signs they have on the buses that say where they are going.”

    Me: “…”

    Stupidly Honest

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Awesome Customers, Health & Body

    (I’m in a walk-in clinic paying for a doctor’s note, when I overhear an exchange between a man and a nurse about why he’s at the clinic.)

    Nurse: “So, is this something work related?”

    Man: “No, it’s something stupidity related.”

    (At least he was honest.)

    Way Past Time Magazine

    | Monroe, CT, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (It’s 11:20 pm and we close at 11 pm. Cashiers are counting out their tills, stockers are unloading boxes in the aisles, and the cleaning crew is scrubbing the place down. I’m counting lotto tickets behind the customer service desk when one of the cleaning crew comes over.)

    Janitor: “Hey, is [Manager] around?”

    Me: “No, he’s on the phone with corporate for a while. What’s up?”

    Janitor: “You’d better come with me, then.”

    (I follow him to the back of the store where the water fountains and bathrooms are, and I hear someone hollering from the men’s room.)

    Me: *knocking on the door* “Um, hello, is there someone in there?”

    Customer: “Yes! I’ve been sitting here calling for help for almost a half hour!”

    Me: “Oh, my god, sir. I’m so sorry. The store closed and no one was around this area. Do you need medical attention?”

    Customer: “No, of course not.”

    Me: “Oh, uh, did you run out of toilet paper?”

    Customer: “No, there’s plenty here.”

    Me: “Okay… Then, what did you need help with?”

    Customer: “I finished reading this Time magazine I picked up from the book section. Can you bring me the latest issue of Car & Driver?”

    (We had to go get the manager, who threatened to charge him with trespassing if he didn’t finish his “business” and get out of the store. The man flushed, didn’t wash his hands, and stormed out the front door.)

    Me: “He left the Time magazine in there. You don’t want me to put it back, do you?”

    Manager: “H***, no. BURN IT.”

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