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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Said It Without Batting An Eye

    | Reno, NV, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I was born with a very rare degenerative eye disease which, after several corrective surgeries, has left me with some very unusual eyes (off-centered pupil, over-sized green-gold iris). I’m used to how they look, but a lot of people are taken aback by them, sometimes even asking if they’re real. This incident takes place while I’m hanging up clothing.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m fine, thank you. We’re looking for— Are you wearing contacts?”

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “Your eyes look really weird.”

    Me: ” …Thanks.”

    Trying Your Patients

    | New Zealand | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Charge Nurse: “Hello.”

    Caller: “Is Mr [Name] one of your patients?”

    Charge Nurse: “Yes. Why?”

    Caller: “He’s in the gynaecology ward. Please retrieve him.”

    Charge Nurse: “How did he get there? He needs one assist just to walk around his bed!”

    Caller: “Well, either the dementia made him forget he couldn’t walk or he’s just been alone for too long in life.”

    Charge Nurse: “Pardon me? I’m sure he’s just in his bed in his room”

    Caller: “Look, just come and get him. He took the elevator up four floors, found the gynae ward, walked into a room with a cervical smear in progress, and asked if he could be of assistance.”

    Charge Nurse: “…”

    Desist The Tourist Assist

    , | Bali, Indonesia | Comics Single, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m Indonesian and I live in an area where there are lots of tourists. Being Bali itself, there are barely any traffic laws enforced and lots of tourists tend to rent out scooters and treat them like toys. I’m turning into my favorite restaurant at a T-junction with no red light and my blinkers on, and today I felt like being extra cautious since the scooter I borrowed is my friend’s. I slow down and see a tourist and her son far away in the opposite direction but as I cross from the other side of the street, I see her actually speed up in her attempt to pass me when clearly there is a hump coming up. It’s rainy season so the roads are wet and of course when she tries to brake while going 40 miles/hour the bike violently slides. I am watching the whole thing since I have already parked my motorbike. Luckily no one was badly hurt.)

    Me: “Are you all right, lady?”

    Tourist: “This is your fault, you stupid girl! That was an illegal turn!”

    Me: “Well, no, that wasn’t illegal. This is a two-way road.”

    Tourist: “You apologize and you go pay for my bike!”

    Me: “No, you were going too fast on rainy day. I had my blinkers on and clearly about to turn in. I saw you and you were far away.”

    Tourist: “I don’t care! I have an international license!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t mean anything, especially when you drive like that! I’m sorry this happened though. I suggest you go to the mechanics. They’ll fix up the scratches and it’s really cheap. Don’t go to the place where you rented the bike or they’ll make you pay $100.”

    Tourist: “So you admit it? It’s your fault!”

    Me: “I meant sorry this had to happen to you, not sorry my bad. Lady, I did nothing wrong. In fact I was actually trying to help you out!”

    Tourist: “No, this is your fault! You owe me money! YOU OWE ME MONEY!”

    (I look at the bike, it’s brand new but with a few scratches because of the crash. While the argument just goes back and forth, her son is clearly huddled under a tree crying and also he was wearing NO helmet while riding on the back with his mother.)

    Tourist: “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? YOU OWE ME MONEY OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!”

    Me: “Lady, go ahead. I’m not worried. But clearly the money seems more important to you than your son who could be injured.”

    (She looks at her son who is in shock. She asks him if he’s all right and takes a second to check for any bleeding and then goes back to me.)

    Me: “If you’d like I can point you towards the closest hospital or clinic.”

    Tourist: “NO! You owe me money! You are just a stupid girl! I’m calling the cops! Give me your address, phone number, and the money!”

    Me: “Lady, I have no money! Not on me and certainly not enough in the bank and if I did I wouldn’t give any of it to you! I’ve offered to go to the mechanics with you but I’m not paying a cent for your own negligence! I’m a painter, lady! I’m broke!”

    Tourist: “Well, I’m broke, too!”

    Me:” Right, you’re so broke you rented a brand new bike during your vacation in Bali. Here let me call the police for you.”

    (At this point I decided to call my boyfriend’s mom, a cop who is head of the district we’re in. As I’m calling I began to tear up a bit from all the frustration. I wait on the phone for a good five minutes until the tourist gave up and asked me for my number to show her a good mechanic. And after that full hour of arguing, she didn’t even feel it important enough follow through on the mechanic BECAUSE SHE WAS LATE FOR A MASSAGE!)

    Yellow Asparagus Will Make You Quite Green

    , | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Okay, what kind of veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer: “I’ll take lettuce, spinach, olives, and asparagus.”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t have asparagus.”

    (Her tone suddenly becomes very snide and she points at a bin of vegetables.)

    Customer: “Well, what do you call that then?”

    Me: “…banana peppers.”

    Customer: “So that’s not yellow asparagus?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure if we sold yellow asparagus we’d be shut down. Asparagus is green.”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “Well, I’m sure a lot of people make that mistake.”

    Me: “Nope.”

    It’s All Peachy

    , | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I work as a sales associate at a large chain bath product store that caters mostly to women. I am stationed at the front of the store, greeting customers and handing out shopping bags. A huge, tough-looking man walks into the store and looks around awkwardly. He looks like a motorcycle gang member from a movie: tattoos, leather, and a bandanna.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. I’m [Name]. Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: *shifts uncomfortably* “Yeah, I need lotion and shower gel.”

    (I knew he felt as out of place as he looked so rather than just pointing, I walk him over to the largest display of bath products.)

    Me: “Are you shopping for someone special?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Me.”

    (He was pointedly not making eye contact with me so I allowed myself a split-second look of shock.)

    Customer: *mutters* “My girlfriend likes it when I smell like a peach.”

    (Needless to say, I walked around the entire store with him. I even introduced him to some new fruity fragrances!)

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