Featured Story:
  • Enough To Bring A Teal To Your Eyes
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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Going To Great Pains

    | NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a nurse for outpatient procedures. A patient has come in for a not-very-painful procedure, and has already received all of the drugs that we can safely give her for pain. This amount would have had a normal person sleeping by now.)

    Patient: *screaming like she’s being tortured*

    Me: “Oh, sweetheart, I know this is hard.”

    (I put my hand in hers.)

    Me: “Here. Try and breathe, and squeeze my hand.”

    (She throws my hand away from her.)

    Patient: “I don’t want your f****** hand. I WANT MY GODD*** DRUGS!”

    Like Getting Blood From A Stone

    | Miami, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (My friend and I are walking into a store with a blood drive van parked up front.)

    Recruiter: “Hi! Would you like to donate blood? It could save a life!”

    Friend: “Sorry. I don’t believe in helping others.”

    Needs To Clean Up Their Act

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “Can you come around to the front of the case so I can show you which steaks I want?”

    (I could have gotten the steaks perfectly easily from behind the case, but I do as the customer asks. I put on my plastic gloves and open up the case from the front.)

    Customer: *reaching into the case with his bare hand* “I want this one right here and—”

    Me: *quickly putting my hand over the steak* “Sir, please don’t touch the steaks with your bare hands.”

    Customer: “I just want to feel the texture of them.”

    Me: “Texture? Sir, it’s meat.”

    Customer: “I mean I want to make sure it’s not all hard, like it’s been sitting out all day.”

    Me: “I can assure you these steaks were cut less than an hour ago and have been in our refrigerated case ever since then, sir. But if I let you touch them in there, that would be a health hazard.”

    Customer: *suddenly furious* “What do you mean, a health hazard?! My hands are clean! What do you think I am, some kind of slob sicko?!”

    (I can tell him several reasons why I can’t let him touch the steaks, no matter how clean he thinks his hands are. But I have a different idea.)

    Me: “I’m sure your hands are clean, sir. But let me ask you this. If the person in line ahead of you wanted to put their hands all over the steaks, would you want to buy one then?”

    Customer: “Ugh! No!”

    Me: “Well, there you go. That’s why I can’t let you do it either.”

    Customer: “But my hands are clean! My hands are CLEAN!”

    First Day Back And Already Pooped

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (A customer runs in.)

    Customer: *breathlessly* “Where’s your bathroom?”

    Me: “Down the hall to the right.”

    Customer: *runs off*

    (I see him a few minutes later, walking back.)

    Customer: “Thanks… Uh, could you tell the person who cleans the bathrooms that I’m sorry?”

    Me: *confused* “That you’re sorry?”

    Customer: “Yes I tried to hold it in but… I didn’t make it in time.” *leaves*

    (I go to the men’s bathroom and take a peek. Feces are everywhere, on the walls, on the floor, on the mirror. It looks like an explosion. I close the door. Sometime later the bathroom cleaner walks in.)

    Bathroom Cleaner: “Hey, [My Name]. Good afternoon.”

    Me: “Hey. Oh, before you go—”

    (Too late, she’s already opened the door to the men’s.)

    Bathroom Cleaner: “WHAT THE H*** HAPPENED HERE?”

    Me: “Er, well…” *explains*

    Bathroom Cleaner: “Geez! I just got back from vacation, to feces on the wall!”

    The Bruise Is A Ruse

    , | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Holidays

    (The restaurant I work for allows us to dress up on Halloween, provided we do not wear a mask or anything revealing, too scary, or otherwise inappropriate. I dress up like a female biker as this is the easiest way to dress up and still follow the rules. To add little extra touches to my costume I would slap on some fake tattoos and use makeup to create a black eye. I am working drive thru and a few people comment on the black eye, but would just remark on what a good job I had done with the makeup. Then a gentleman pulls up to the window.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God. Are you okay?”

    Me: *joking* “Yeah. You should see the other guy, though.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “You mean to tell me a MAN did that to you! I thought you got into a fight with another girl!”

    Me: “No, sir. No one did this to me. It’s makeup.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? You don’t have to lie if someone is hitting you.”

    Me: “I’m perfectly aware of that, sir, but I assure you it’s just makeup. See?”

    (I wipe my finger on the ‘bruise’ and show him the color on my finger.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I thought I was going to have to beat someone up for you.”

    Me: “I can tell you right now: if someone ever hit me I would make sure they SERIOUSLY regretted it immediately!”

    Customer: “I bet you would!”

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