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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Real Woman Versus Half A Man

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Health & Body, Top

    (I am in line to purchase books. The cashier is a teenage girl who has somewhat obvious dark upper-lip hair. The customer she is currently serving speaks up.)

    Customer: “Is there anyone else who can scan my books?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but the only cashiers we have today are my colleague and myself.”

    Customer: “Your manager, then.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry; she’s covering in the café right now. They’re very busy as you can see.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not having some hairy bimbo with a moustache touching my books!”

    (The cashier looks like she’s about to cry. Having heard his last comment, I look up from reading the back of one of my books.)

    Me: “Sir, there’s no need to be rude. She’s just doing her job, and you berating her isn’t helping.”

    Customer: “No one asked you!”

    Me: “No, but you just happened to have p***** off the wrong person. Do you have a smart phone?”

    Customer: “Pssh, who doesn’t?”

    Me: “Do me a favor and google ‘polycystic ovarian syndrome.’”

    Customer: “That isn’t real.”

    Me: “Google it.”

    (The male customer takes out his phone and starts searching the internet. By this point, nearly everyone is watching the exchange, and a few people have run for the manager.)

    Customer: “It’s some woman thing.”

    Me: “It’s a disease caused by an imbalance between the estrogen and testosterone in a woman’s body. It messes with her whole reproductive system, and the increased testosterone can cause excess oil production, a slightly deeper voice, increased body hair and the possibility of a visible Adam’s Apple. Oh yeah, and in extreme cases, it can cause a woman’s body to be more boyishly shaped.”

    Customer: “The h***! How would you know?! This s*** makes girls look like Bigfoot!”

    (I point to the surplus of blonde hair on my arms, my somewhat broad shoulders, the marks of waxing on my neck, and the very slight Adam’s Apple.)

    Me: “You happen to be talking to someone who has known she’s had the disease for the last 10 years. My case is on the line of moderate to severe. It’s treatable, but the only options out there have already nearly killed me once, so I just wax and the rest of me is what it is. Regardless of whether this poor girl has it or not, you shouldn’t just judge people because of a little hair.”

    Customer: “So, you’re really a man.”

    Me: “No, I’m all woman, but a woman willing to kick your a** if you don’t apologize to this girl.”

    (The customer turns around and sees that not only is the cashier crying, but the manager and security have appeared.)

    Me: “Miss, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been in your shoes. I got made fun of all through high school.”

    (Security takes the guy and disappears. I walk up to the counter and put my books down.)

    Me: “I know it was presumptuous of me to throw ‘PCOS’ out there, but the look on your face when he made his comment looked all too familiar. My apologies.”

    Cashier: “I was just diagnosed with it a few weeks ago; it hasn’t sunk in yet. I got my first paycheck from here today and was going to get my lip waxed after work. How did you know?”

    Me: “Pretty much the comment he made about your lip. You know, aside from that, I can’t tell at all.”

    Cashier: “Really?”

    Me: “Really. You are a very lovely girl. There are support groups and such online where you can talk to other women and girls. You’re not alone.”

    (The cashier starts crying again, so the manager sends her on her break, and gives me an extra discount on top of my member card to thank me!)

    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop, Part 2

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Regular Customer: “I’ll have a toffee-hazelnut iced coffee, but can you make it decaf?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Switching to ‘D,’ then?”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, my doctor told me I should cut down on sugar, so I’m going with decaf!”

    Me: “Um… there’s no sugar in regular or decaf coffee. But there is sugar in the two syrups I use to make that flavor; are you sure you want them?”

    Regular Customer: “Oh yes, I’m not cutting out every bit of sugar! Just the caffeine sugars.”

    Me: “There are zero calories, zero sugars in plain black coffee, either regular or decaf.”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, but my sister says she cut out iced coffee and she’s lost 20 pounds! I have to have my coffee, but I figured I could just do decaf instead.”

    Me: “I can use sugar-free flavors for you if you’re trying to—”

    Regular Customer: “No! I hate that fake stuff. Just the decaf iced coffee with toffee and hazelnut. Oh, and extra cream.”

    Related:
    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

    No Common Scents, Part 2

    | Destin, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work in a skin and body care store part time. We have dozens of different scents and lotion types.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a lotion.”

    Me: “Absolutely! Did you need something ultra-moisturizing, or hypoallergenic? Or maybe a certain scent?”

    Customer: “Just give me one that smells good.”

    Me: “Okay, do you prefer floral scents, or fruity ones, or—”

    Customer: “God, why are you making this so difficult? Just give me one that smells good! How hard can that be?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, what I think smells good may not be what you think smells good. Every customer is different.”

    Customer: “Just give me some d*** lotion!”

    Me: *sighs* “Here, try this one.”

    (I hand her our best-selling verbena lotion.)

    Customer: “Thank you, was that so hard?”

    (One hour later…)

    Customer: “I want to return this lotion! It smells TERRIBLE! Why would you give this to me?”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. The outlet store does not allow returns. However, if you would like to tell me what kind of scent you prefer, maybe we can exchange it.”

    Customer: *grumbles* “Fine. Got anything in rose?”

    Related:
    No Common Scents

    Also Need Some Iron(y) Supplements

    | GA, USA | Health & Body

    (I am at a store specializing in healthy foods, supplements, vitamins, and such. My friend is carefully browsing through the supplements.)

    Employee: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Friend: “I don’t think so. I can’t remember what I was looking for.”

    Employee: *jokingly* “Wouldn’t it be funny if you were looking for memory aids?”

    Friend: *gasps* “THAT’S IT!”

    Interested In Ply-Red, Not Blood-Red

    | England, UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I am working one day, repackaging some glass bottles of beer where one had shattered, and am knocking off the shards of glass with a safety knife. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hello, I am wondering if you could help me find some three ply red napkins. You have three ply in other colors.”

    Me: “I’m sure we do; I’ll just check the system to find a shelf location and see if we have any in stock.”

    (As I go to put down the bottle I am holding, a shard of glass embeds itself in my hand.)

    Me: “Agh! Sorry, bear with me one second.”

    (I pull the shard out.)

    Me: “Okay, so, three ply red right?”

    Customer: “Sorry, were you helping me, or were you busy tending to your own business? Jesus, I’m here to spend my hard-earned cash, and you can’t even give me the time of day!”


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