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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Raisin Awareness Of Her Problem

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I give out free samples. I am serving a variety of grapes when I see a well-dressed woman in her 60s nearby with her daughter and grandchild. Listening to them talk, she seems very educated and well-spoken, and I see her approach my cart.)

    Me: “Hello, would you like to try some of our grapes today?”

    Customer: “Oh, no thank you, dear.”

    (I wish her a good day, and go back to preparing more samples. I realize a few seconds later that she is still just standing there, staring at me.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, ma’am?”

    (Suddenly she gives me a death glare, jabs her finger toward my bowl of grapes and yells at me.)

    Customer: “DEY GIVE ME DA POOPIES!”

    (She then stomps off in a huff, leaving me to wonder what the heck just happened.)

    Because She Isn’t Suffering Enough

    | TX, USA | Health & Body

    (After a weekend vacation camping with my husband, I wake up with a bad allergic reaction that swells me up and covers me with hives. It’s so bad that my tongue has even swollen up and my eyes are squinted nearly shut. We’re sitting at the hospital waiting room and waiting to be called when a lady comes in and notices me.)

    Woman: “Oh my god! What happened to you? Did you get hit by bees?”

    My Husband: “We went camping this weekend, so we think something in the woods got on her clothes and gave her a bad allergic reaction.”

    Woman: “And you’re all covered with bumps, too. Oh my god! Is she mute, too?”

    My Husband: “No, she can talk, but her throat is hurting her and her tongue is swollen.”

    (I even open my mouth to show her.)

    Woman: *freaked out* “Oh my god! She looks like a raspberry. Why haven’t you taken her to the doctor before now? She looks horrible!”

    My Husband: “Um…” *looks around the emergency room* “Well, it just happened this morning when she woke up. If it gets too severe, I’m sure the nurses will come out and give her an epi-shot or something.”

    Woman: “I hope they do. I can’t imagine going anywhere outside looking that bloated and blotchy. Don’t worry, honey; I’m sure you don’t look that bad when you look normal!”

    (As she says this, the woman pats my knee cautiously, like I’m going to give her some infection.)

    Woman: “Just… oh my god!”

    A Walk-In That Runs Out

    | NV, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work as a secretary in my husband’s practice. We don’t take walk-ins, and it’s clearly stated on the front door, but people still try to see him without an appointment. One day, someone comes in while my husband is out having lunch.)

    Walk-In: “Hi, can I see Dr. [Name]?”

    (I already suspect something, since my husband would never schedule appointments during his lunch break.)

    Me: “What time is your appointment?”

    Walk-In: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re by appointment only.”

    Walk-In: “That’s okay; I’m his brother. He’s expecting me.”

    Me: “Really? He didn’t tell me anything of the sort.”

    Walk-In: “Well, you’re just a silly secretary. You don’t need to know that sort of thing. Can I go see him now?”

    Me: “You said you’re his brother?”

    Walk-In: “Yes!”

    Me: “Well, that’s funny. You don’t look the least bit like him.”

    Walk-In: “Everyone says that.”

    Me: “Really?”

    Walk-In: “Look, b****, I don’t have time for this. Just—”

    (At this point, my husband has returned from lunch and has just heard the walk-in’s slur.)

    My Husband: “Excuse me! Don’t speak to her that way.”

    (The walk-in turns around and looks my husband square in the face.)

    Walk-In: “Hey, mind your own business, moron. This doesn’t concern you, so butt out.”

    Me: “Actually, it does concern him. That’s the doctor.”

    (The walk-in goes white in the face. My husband crosses his arms.)

    My Husband: “And moreover, that’s my wife you’ve just insulted.”

    Me: *sweetly* “How did you say you were related, again?”

    The Height Of Unreason, Part 2

    | UK | Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am sitting in front of my computer trying to get on with work whilst my colleague is dealing with a patient. Another patient approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hi there! How can I help today?”

    Patient: “You know, you really should grow taller. I could hardly see you over the desk.”

    (I go on to sign the patient in, and continue with my work. 10 minutes later, the patient comes back to the desk.)

    Patient: “You know, you’re still no taller; you really need to grow.”

    (I take the patient’s money, and she leaves.)

    Me: *to my colleague* “Did I just get told off for not growing any taller in the space of 10 minutes?”

    Colleague: “Erm, yes, I think you did.”

    Related:
    The Height of Unreason

    A Long Night Is In The Cards

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    (I work night shift at a local chain convenience store, so I see many different people come in. One customer in particular is very drunk.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How are you doing tonight?”

    (The customer just grunts and puts his items on the counter. I ring them up.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

    (The customer swipes his card.)

    Me: “Sir, your card was declined.”

    Customer: “Bull-s***! I know I have enough. Try it again!”

    (He proceeds to swipe it again and like before, it is declined.)

    Me: “Sir, it’s still declining.”

    Customer: “F***! Again!”

    (This repeats four more times, meanwhile a line has started to form behind him.)

    Me: “Sir, do you have another form of payment?”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t need it, because I have money on my f****** card!”

    (He goes through his wallet anyway. His face falls and then he starts laughing.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I was using the wrong d*** card! Here ya go.”

    (He hands me the card and I run it through. It’s approved, and his receipt prints.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Have a good night!”

    (I smile as he grabs his bag and leaves. I turn to the next customer in line.)

    Next Customer: “Long night, huh?”

    Me: “You have no idea.”


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