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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Giving Him A Good Dressing Down

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, One-Liners

    (I am bartending. A nicely dressed couple in their 20s comes in and order drinks at the bar. They’ve been polite and quiet. The woman is on the heavier side, but still quite cute in her skirt. When the woman’s boyfriend goes to the restroom, a rowdy customer in a polo shirt, who has been obnoxious all night, approaches the bar.)

    Rowdy Customer: “Hey! Hey! I need another gin and tonic! Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be right with you. Just let me fill this order.”

    (As I’m filling the other order, I look up and see the rowdy customer eyeing the woman. He leans onto the bar while staring at her.)

    Rowdy Customer: “Hey, you.”

    (The woman ignores him, and turns slightly away.)

    Rowdy Customer: “You know, a pig in a dress is still just a pig in a dress!”

    (At this point, I’m speechless. I see the woman’s face turn from a smile into an extremely angry frown. Before I can say anything, the woman turns towards him.)

    Woman: “Yeah, and you know, an a**hole in a polo is still just an a**hole in a polo!”

    Rowdy Customer: “I… what?”

    Me: “You can pay up and get out of here for harassing other customers. That’s what!”

    Rowdy Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

    (The rowdy customer leaves some money on the counter and storms out. I turn to the woman.)

    Me: “Hey, that was the best thing I’ve heard all night! Can I get you and your boyfriend the next round?”

    (She smiles and accepts, ordering a drink for herself and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend comes back after everything has quieted down.)

    Me: “Here’s your free round. Really, that was a great come back! It made my day!”

    Woman: “Thanks!”

    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m standing in line at a Black Friday sale, waiting to check out my purchases. We’ve been standing about 45 minutes as the lines are very, VERY long. There is a man all by himself, with no cart and no purchases, standing two customers in front of me. All of a sudden his wife pulls two carts over, with their daughter pushing another one. All three carts are filled completely. They push through the line and get in with him. One of the customers in the line speaks up.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! You can’t just cut in line like that. We’ve been waiting an hour. Get to the back!”

    Cutting Customer: “F*** you! It’s not my fault you don’t know how to shop. Mind your own f****** business!”

    Me: “Excuse me. Would you mind watching your language? I don’t want my son to hear that.”

    Cutting Customer: “You can kiss my a**, b****! That little p**** is going to learn it one way or the other. He’s an ugly little SOB with that hair cut, anyway!”

    My Son: “I’m growing my hair to donate to kids with cancer, like my best friend!”

    (The cutting customer’s daughter decides to speak up.)

    Cutting Customer’s Daughter: “Your little f** friend should just die. Why do they give them treatments for that s*** anyway? I hope he dies, you little a**-wipe.”

    (My four-year-old son starts crying, asking me if his friend is going to die. I try to calm him down. Meanwhile, my friend gets the manager of the store.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, this woman just told me what you said to her son and that you cut in line. I’m going to ask you once to please move to the back of the line; otherwise, you’ll need to leave the store.”

    Cutting Customer: “Now, you look here! You can’t make us move. We’re buying more than $1000 worth of stuff here! And that b**** and her snot nosed kid got what they deserved.”

    (The manager gets on his walkie-talkie and has security escort them out. Upon the managers and several customers suggestions, we file verbal harassment charges on the customers who cut in. The manager made a donation for $500 to the charity that my son’s friend had out in my son’s name. We cut his hair three months later, donating 18 inches, which they made into a wig. His friend made a full recovery, by the way. They both donate their hair about every five years.)

    Related:
    In Line And Out Of Line

    Got The Wrong (Hair) Extension

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (My salon has had the weeks before Christmas booked out since way back in March. In mid-November, I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I need a booking to get extensions, a full head of foils, and a cut, for Saturday the 21st of December.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have anything for the entire month of December.”

    Caller: “Great. So how’s 10 in the morning?”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. We just don’t have any appointments in December. The next appointment for what you need is on January 30th.”

    Caller: “Listen you stupid little cow. I SAID, the 21st of December, at 10. Grab your little appointment book and book me in with [Name]. I swear, she’s the only competent one of the lot of you!”

    Me: “You do realise I’m [Name], right?”

    Baby On Board (The Bus)

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Health & Body, Top, Transportation

    (I am 27 weeks pregnant and starting to have contractions. I am on the bus on my way to the hospital. The driver is aware of this. I pull the buzzer to get off the bus and start walking to the door.)

    Driver: *to me* “You sit back down!” *to the rest of the bus* “Is anyone going to need any of the next four stops? Because if so, I suggest you get off now, as we are detouring!”

    (The driver then takes us directly to the hospital. He stops the bus, gets out of his seat, walks me down the steps, and into the hospital! The next day I am still in the hospital. I call up the transit office.)

    Me: “Hi, yes. I was on bus [number] yesterday evening and the driver detoured from his route for me. I just wanted to make sure he is not in trouble. Because of him, they were able to save the life of my unborn son!”

    Transit Employee: “No worries, miss. We only got one complaint from a passenger. The driver called us as soon as he got back with everyone on the bus. He has been given a commendation for his actions yesterday. Thank you for calling, and take care!”

    Piercing Judgments, Part 3

    | WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I’m a waitress at a popular tavern. We’re lucky, in that the owners and managers of the bar fully back up the staff when customers are rude to us. I have a septum piercing and two small scars on my lip from old piercings. An older couple and a few of their friends have just sat down.)

    Me: “Hey, guys! Can I get you anything to drink?”

    Customer: “Have you had those piercings in very long?”

    Me: “Oh, the nose ring I’ve had since I was in high school. I took out my lip piercings a few years ago, though.”

    Customer: “Ugh. You’d be so much prettier without all that garbage in your face.”

    (I reply with my ‘aggressive smile’ on.)

    Me: “Wow. Thank you for your completely rude and unsolicited opinion. Since my face offends you so much, feel free to order all of your beers and food up at the bar from now on.”

    (As I’m walking away to help my other tables, the customer’s wife grabs my arm quite roughly and yanks me back.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Ignore him. He just likes talking s***. Can we get some beers now?”

    Me: “I really appreciate your incredibly sincere apology. Until you can get your husband to stop ‘talking s***’ to complete strangers, especially those who are waiting on you, you might consider keeping him on a leash.”

    (One of my regulars at the next table overhears the entire exchange. He leaves me a $20 tip and a note with ‘I like your garbage face!’ written on it.)

    Related:
    Piercing Judgments, Part 2
    Piercing Judgments

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