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  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Hair + Arm = Harem

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (My uniform exposes my arms that, for a woman, are hairy.)

    Customer: “Wow, you have hairy arms.”

    Me: *embarrassed* “Um, yeah.”

    Customer: “I love women with hairy arms.”

    (He grabs my arm and feels it. I am shocked, and start backing away from him.)

    Customer: “Would you like to join my harem of hairy women?”

    (At that point I abandoned my post and ran to my manager. When we came back the customer was gone.)

    Wouldn’t Wish Him On Your Worst Enema

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer wanders around drug store for half an hour, feeling too embarrassed to ask where the enemas are.)

    Employee: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’m looking for an enema bag.”

    Employee: “Oh… you want a bag? We have some bags.”

    (I lead the customer to a small case full of purses in the cosmetics section.)

    Employee: “Here are the bags.”

    Customer: “Do you know what an enema is?”

    Employee: “No…”

    Customer: “I’ll ask someone else.” *leaves drug store*

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (While I’m cleaning the men’s washroom, a regular has walked in.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll just be a minute longer and then you can use the washroom.”

    Customer: “Nope. Gotta go now.”

    Me: “Well, then, I’ll leave and finish when you’re done.”

    Customer: “Nah, don’t worry. I don’t have anything to hide.”

    (I only just managed to get out of the room before he finished opening his pants!)

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 6
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 4
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
    On The Need For Hazard Pay

    Bound(ary) To Serve

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a regular that comes in every Wednesday or Thursday night. This time, I’m on the register when he comes in. I am female, wearing a knee-length tunic over linen pants as it’s high summer and very warm.)

    Customer: *without saying hello* “Are you pregnant?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you were pregnant. Are you?”

    Me: “I don’t see how it’s any of your business, but no.”

    Customer: “It’s just that I had a haircut today, and my hairdresser was wearing a similar outfit to you. She was four months pregnant and got angry at me because I didn’t notice or say anything. So now I’m wondering, do all women wear what you wear when they’re pregnant?”

    Me: “I’m not sure why your hairdresser had such a strong reaction, but I’m pretty sure most women are wearing what I’m wearing right now because its 45 degrees celsius outside and not because it’s a secret code that we’re reproducing.”

    Customer: “Oh, good point. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude by asking personal questions.”

    (The very next week, he returns and again walks right up to the register.)

    Customer: “Do you have a boyfriend?”

    Me: *sigh* “Yes.”

    Customer: “Are you going to marry him?”

    Me: “Okay, sir, I think we need to have a quiet chat about boundaries…”

    Sadly They Aren’t Cracking A Joke

    | St. George, UT, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in customer service at a very large store. One day a customer comes up to me looking very upset and holding his cell phone in his hand.)

    Customer: “I need to see a manager.”

    Me: “Certainly! I’ll call them over now. May I ask what you need to see a manager for?”

    Customer: “I need to file a complaint about an employee.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll call the manager over now.”

    (The manager takes the customer to the side to talk, but I can still hear them.)

    Manager: “What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I was browsing your store when I saw an employee stocking shelves. His butt was hanging out of his pants. Look!”

    (The customer holds up his phone, and he has actually taken a picture of my coworker’s butt crack hanging out of his pants!)

    Manager: *stifling laughter* “I’ll talk to that employee and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

    (He never talked to said employee.)

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