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  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Acting Childish

    | NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (It’s my first day working at a restaurant in town. I am a dishwasher, and am told to bring cups to the front because the waitresses are too busy. I pick up a tub filled with glasses, and open the kitchen door, which is right by the bathroom.)

    Small Child: “I’M COMING MOM!”

    (Suddenly I feel something small ram me in the middle of my back, and I topple to the floor, still holding the tub.)

    Small Child: “OH MY GOD, MY LEG!”

    Childs Parent: “OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU DELIBERATELY TRIED TO HURT MY SON! YOU MONSTER! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

    (The child and his parent seek out the owner. They go into a rant about how I tried to kill the small child, while I have finished limping back to the kitchen. Eventually, the owner comes into the kitchen and pulls me aside, barely able to keep a straight face.)

    Owner: “Look kid, I know it’s your first day, but you can’t go around trying to kill small children. I know they are a pain in the a**, but we usually go for crippling moves, not killing ones.”

    (The owner grins and walks away, before stopping for a moment and turning around.)

    Owner: “Oh, and [waitress] says you didn’t drop a single glass. Keep that up and you might stick around for a while.”

    He Got Burned

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, School, Top

    (I am appointed as a volunteer marshal at college. The college hosts a book launch, and the fire alarm goes off. Most people follow directions to the fire exits, but one guest is sat there drinking his free champagne.)

    Me: “You can bring your drink if you like, sir, but we have to go outside and wait for the fire brigade to tell us it’s safe to re-enter.”

    Guest: “No, I shall stay here. It’ll be a false alarm.”

    Me: “I have no way of knowing if it’s a real fire or a false alarm, so please come with me to the assembly point, sir.”

    Guest: “I’m not taking instructions from you! Who do you think you are?”

    Me: “Just a voluntary fire marshal, sir.”

    Guest: “Just a student, then.”

    Me: “Yes, I’m a student here. Sorry about this, sir, but there’s a formality I have to conduct.”

    (I take out my phone and start the video camera. I point it at him.)

    Me: “It’s 12:57 pm. The fire alarm is sounding. I’m instructing you to follow me to the fire exit.”

    Guest: “Pathetic. And I’m refusing. What’s the point of that little charade? To show it to your friends on Youtube?”

    Me: “No, sir. If it proves necessary, to show it to the coroner at your inquest.”

    (I turn and leave. The guest waits until I’m turning the corner, and then follows.)

    The Bald And The Beautiful

    | Roseville, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I’m stocking food in one of the grocery aisles. At the opposite end of the aisle are two teenage boys and a pair of bald women customers. One of the customers has dark brown patches on her scalp and is wearing sunglasses. The other has clear skin, is wearing a nice dress and extravagant earrings. I’m a male with alopecia, so seeing young, balding people doesn’t really mystify me. The two teenage boys start to point and laugh at them.)

    Teenage Boy #1: “Man, these two d***’s think they look so good! Bald b**** trying to look girly; she’d look hot if she didn’t have a nasty man head!”

    Teenage Boy #2: “Look at the nasty spots on her head!”

    Teenage Boy #1: “Nasty spotty b**** with her nasty lesbian friend!”

    (Horrified, I start to storm over to stop this, when the customer with patchy skin whips around, mere inches from the teenage boy’s faces and speaks through gritted teeth.)

    Customer #1: “I have f****** cancer! Metastatic breast cancer. I probably don’t have very long to f****** live. These ‘nasty spots’ are lesions. My best friend shaved her head to support me. She’s the best support system you could f****** ask for, and if you two have a support system in making fun of two women whose lives you don’t even know, then I’m sorry for you. So, I’ll thank you to hold off on these comments in the future, just in case the people you’re berating are either dying or about to lose someone they love.”

    (The color leaves the boys faces, and they hang their heads low, while the women walk down the aisle toward me. Customer #2 turns back to them.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, and even if we were bald lesbians, you still had better keep your d*** mouths shut!”

    (As they walk past me, I tip my hat off to them to reveal my smooth, shiny head. The women high five me, and walk to the next aisle arm in arm.)

    No Paws For Thought, Part 2

    | NC, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am disabled and have a service dog that assists me. My disability isn’t physical, so sometimes people stop me to try and figure out what my service dog is for. He is completely trained and certified. I am shopping when another customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Oh, are you training that service dog? How kind of you!”

    Me: “Actually, he’s my service dog. He’s completely trained.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t blind!”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How DARE you take a service dog away from a blind person? You ought to be ashamed!”

    Me: “Ma’am, not all disabilities are visible. Plenty of people who aren’t blind have service dogs. He’s not trained to assist the blind.”

    Customer: “You’re just faking it! He’s just a pet and you’re lying! Give me that!”

    (At this point, the customer grabs for my service dog’s leash. The leash is looped around my chest and shoulders like a purse, so this does not go well. An employee of this store sees the altercation happen, and comes running over.)

    Employee: “Ma’am! Let go of the dog!”

    Customer: “No! This girl is lying! He’s not a real service dog and she’s not blind!”

    Me: “Let go! This is assault!”

    Customer: *pushes down on my service dog’s behind* “Sit! Sit! Bad dog!”

    (At this point, I physically yank away from her and give my service dog the signal to tuck in behind me. The lady grabs him by the tail and he yelps.)

    Customer: “See?! See?!”

    (The employee keeps trying to get the customer to leave me alone, but she starts to grab at any part of us she can get to. The security officers show up and haul the screaming customer away. As they drag her out of the store, she is still yelling about me being a liar.)

    Employee: “Oh, my God! I am so sorry! I have never seen anyone so crazy!”

    Related:
    No Paws For Thought

    No Time For Patience And Patients

    | WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    Me: “[Doctor's office]. How may I help you?”

    Patient: “I need an appointment for tomorrow.”

    Me: “How about 10:20?”

    Patient: “20 minutes until 11:00?”

    Me: “No. 10:20.”

    Patient: *condescendingly* “Isn’t 10:20 just 20 minutes until 11:00?”

    Me: “No. That would be 10:40.”

    Patient: “How many minutes until eleven is 10:20?”

    Me: “40.”

    Patient: “So my appointment is at 10:40?”

    Me: “No. It’s 10:20.”

    Patient: “Okay. See you at 10:40.”


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