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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    No Further Steps Were Taken

    | Wales, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (Some of our storage space consists of large cupboards in the walls above our displays. I am standing at the top of a ladder checking a cupboard for stock, when I vaguely overhear an older woman talking to someone behind me.)

    Customer: “…see if he notices.”

    (The customer proceeds to shake the bottom of the ladder I’m standing on, then speaks to the man she is with.)

    Customer: “I wonder if he’ll get scared?”

    Me: “Um, hi. Did you want me to move the ladder out of the way?”

    Customer: “No, I was just wondering if you’d notice.”

    Me: “I did notice. And you’d certainly have noticed if I’d landed on your head…”

    Gift Carded And Dearly Departed

    | Tacoma, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Health & Body, Top

    (I am working as an assistant manager at a retail store. A customer comes in while it is slow, so I am able to pay a lot of attention to her, and find her exactly what she wants.)

    Customer: “Is it okay to pay by gift card?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (I start ringing her in.)

    Customer: “I hate to use it though.”

    Me: “Oh really? Why is that?”

    Customer: “My mom gave it to me for my last birthday, and she passed away two months ago.”

    (I pause for a moment to make eye contact with her.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. I lost my own mom a little over a year ago, so I know what you’re going through.”

    Customer: “Oh! I guess you do understand then. Does it get easier?”

    Me: “No. I still miss her horribly, and still want to pick up the phone and call her every single day. But I suppose I’m not as raw as I was. You’ll get to that point too, though you’ll always miss her.”

    Customer: “Yeah…”

    (I finish ringing her up, and swipe her gift card, which pays for everything. Afterwards, I bring her bag around the counter for her, and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “Can I… can I make a really strange request?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Can I keep the gift card?”

    Me: “Oh, of course you can!”

    (I hand it to her. She puts it back in the envelope that bears her name, and caresses it. I can see she’s on the verge of tears.)

    Me: “Right before my mom died, she gave me the package she never sent me for my birthday, which had some Avon perfume in it. I like the perfume, but I hardly ever use it, because I don’t want to have to throw away one of the last things she ever gave me.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you completely understand why I want to keep this!”

    Me: *eyes filling with tears* “Oh yes, ma’am, completely!”

    (We wind up chatting for close to 45 minutes, sharing stories about our moms. By the end of it, we’re both crying openly, but they’re good tears.)

    Customer: “I’ve taken up so much of your time; I’m sorry.”

    Me: “No, don’t apologize. I’m so glad you came in, and that you were willing to share with me!”

    Customer: “Can I… can I hug you?”

    Me: “Of course you can!”

    (We hug for a long time, with both of us still crying. She thanks me profusely, and vows to come back and ask for me especially. I never did see her again, as I quit not long after that, but it was a wonderful experience. I hope wherever she is, her grief has become less raw than it was when I saw her. I’ll always, always remember her as being one of the best customers I ever had.)

    Make Appoint To Forget

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of hospital]; how can I help you?”

    Patient: “I need to cancel an appointment I have today.”

    Me: “Alright, let’s verify your information and then we look at the appointments.”

    (As the patient verifies everything, I note he is 25 years old, the appointment is urgent, and was made earlier that day. He has already spoken to a nurse as well.)

    Me: “Okay, I see the appointment with [name of doctor] at [time], and you want me to cancel it?”

    Patient: “Yes. Oh and can you tell me what the appointment was for? I can’t remember.”

    (I hover over the cancel button as I tell the patient.)

    Me: “Sir, it is for forgetfulness. Are you sure you want to cancel?”

    Patient: *silent for a moment* “Yes, go ahead and cancel it.”

    Hear-Resistible

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Themed Giveaway

    (Both of my earlobes are stretched to half an inch.)

    Young Girl: *in a loud kid’s whisper* “Mommy, her ears are broken!”

    Mother: *mortified* “I am SO sorry!”

    Me: *laughing* “No, no, it’s fine! That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!”

    CPR = Criminally Poor Reaction

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

    (I am sitting in a diner. A man, a teenage girl, a woman and a few other diners are sitting there eating. Suddenly, the woman falls down and starts having a seizure.)

    Man: “Everybody back. I know what to do. I’ll start CPR. Somebody call an ambulance.”

    (He kneels next to the woman, whose head was cut on a railing when she fell and is bleeding, and gets ready to start CPR. Suddenly, the teenage girl yells out.)

    Teenage Girl: “NO! STOP! Don’t do CPR!”

    (She runs over.)

    Teenage Girl: “Sir, move over and let me help.”

    Man: “Little girl, you don’t know what you’re doing. Get out of the way and let me start CPR!”

    Teenage Girl: *shoves him out of the way* “You don’t do CPR on a seizure patient.”

    (She moves the woman away from the railing and cushions her head. It’s obvious she knows what she’s doing.)

    Man: “Someone grab this b****! I need to start CPR before it’s too late!”

    (He pulls the girl away and she fights back. By the time she gets free, the woman has stopped seizing. The girl puts her on her side and starts giving first aid. The woman starts breathing again and turns onto her back.)

    Teenage Girl: “It’s over. I told you she didn’t need CPR.”

    Man: “Okay, so you were right. Move over, I’ll take over now. I know what to do.”

    Teenage Girl: “No chance, mister. She’s postictal, and you need to stay back in case she gets combative.”

    (Luckily, the woman doesn’t start fighting. As the teenage girl keeps talking to her and takes her pulse, she eventually starts responding.)

    Woman: “I’m [name.]”

    Teenage Girl: “Hi. I’m [name]. Do you remember what happened?”

    Woman: “Yeah, I lay down, and then I woke up like this.”

    Man: “YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK! You’ve got to remember that!”

    Teenage Girl: “You had a seizure; it’s all right to not remember it. Does anything hurt?”

    Woman: “Just my back and my neck.”

    Teenage Girl: “All right. I’m going to ask you to lie still; you may have injured your back. You’re doing fine. Oh, here comes the ambulance.”

    (The paramedics walk in with a stretcher and lift the woman onto it.)

    Medic #1: “What happened here?”

    Man: “I’ll tell you what happened. This lady fell over and started having a heart attack, and this little b**** wouldn’t let me do CPR. I’m amazed the woman survived. You should have her arrested! She could’ve killed someone!”

    Teenage Girl: “No, it was a seizure. Lasted about 90 seconds; she fell and sustained a laceration to her head. I’d look at that and possible concussion. Postictal about two minutes, seems mostly oriented and is answering questions, pulse slightly elevated, no memory of the event. She did state she’s having some back and neck pain and she fell hard, so I’d take spinal precautions.”

    Man: “Just listen to her! Pretending she knows what she’s doing! I’m calling the police!”

    Medic #2: “Actually, she does know what she’s doing. Pretty well, in fact.”

    Man: “And how exactly do you know that?”

    Medic #2: “Because we’re going to be working on the same ambulance on her shift tonight.” *high-fives teenage girl*

    (The teenage girl was in fact at EMT! The man was banned from the diner and arrested for grabbing the girl.)


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