Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Calling At All Stations To The 19th Century
    (1,635 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Santa Will Know Who’s Nicer Than Nice

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work in a party store. I am serving an eight-year-old customer.)

    Eight-Year-Old: “Can I see your Christmas decorations? I need to get special Christmas decorations.”

    Me: “Sure you can. Is there something special you want to get, little guy?”

    Eight-Year-Old: “I want to get a pretty tree with ornaments, and stockings, and presents, and Christmas lights! It’s for my neighbor.”

    Me: “That’s a lot to get for your neighbor, sweetheart. Why do you need all of that?”

    Eight-Year-Old: “Their daddy died. They don’t have Christmas this year, so I wanted to give it to them. I even got $100 from my mom to do it.”

    Me: *on the verge of tears* “That’s very generous of you. Tell you what, let’s pick out some stockings and a tree. Then I’ll talk to my manager to see what we can do about some toys. How many kids does your neighbor have?”

    Eight-Year-Old: “Three. [Name] is my best friend. I’m going to give him my presents for Christmas. I asked Santa to bring him an XBox, too, but Santa might be busy. So I’m going to give him my XBox.”

    Me: “I’m sure, in this case, Santa will be listening very hard.”

    (I help him pick out some special decorations and a tree. I ask my manager what we can do. Apparently, the boy’s mother has told my manager about the neighbor’s husband having passed away a few weeks ago in a bad accident, leaving the wife to support their family. We do a special discount of 50% off everything. We even donate some bulk bags of toys and stockings. By this time, we’re trying not to cry. On their way out, the mother thanks us.)

    Mother: “He doesn’t know it, but both he and his best friend are getting an XBox for Christmas. He’s only eight and he wanted to give them everything. He even demanded we have them over for Christmas day. He is adamant they’re going to have a Christmas, no matter what.”

    Needs Glasses To See The Irony

    | Cornwall, England, UK | Health & Body

    (I work for a large chain opticians. One of our main competitors has a store three doors down.)

    Customer: “I have an appointment. My name is [Name].”

    Me: “Can I take your date of birth as well. I can’t seem to find your name on screen.”

    Customer: “It’s [date]. I know I have an appointment in five minutes with Mr. [Name].”

    Me: “We don’t have anyone here with that name and I can’t find you in our customer list. Are you sure the appointment isn’t with [Competitor]?”

    Customer: “Just because I need the test doesn’t make me blind! I know where my appointment is and I have the card to prove it!”

    (The customer throws his appointment card on the desk. It becomes immediately clear that he is supposed to be three doors down.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, Mr [Name]. That is [Competitor]’s card. You need to go there.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that. I know where I am! Just because you’ve redecorated in the last week doesn’t mean you can pull the wool over my eyes.”

    Me: “I assure you, sir. You are in [My Opticians’]. This happens all the time.”

    Customer: “No! I want to speak to your manager! How dare you refuse to see me! I’ve been a customer of Mr [Name]‘s for years and—”

    (The customer looks closely at my uniform and the large logo on my shirt.)

    Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me I was in the wrong place? I’m going to be late because of you!” *runs out*

    No Paws For Thought, Part 3

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a customer at a big-box superstore. I have an invisible disability. I have just gotten a small service dog to help me with it. We don’t have a ‘service dog’ vest for him yet. He’s currently sitting quietly in the child seat of a grocery cart, well out of reach of any of the store’s products. I’m waiting to check out. A customer right in front of me in line turns to me.)

    Customer: “They let you have a dog in here? That’s not allowed.”

    Me: “They don’t seem to mind as long as I keep him up and away from food. Plus, he’s a service dog.”

    Customer: “You can’t have dogs where’s there’s food. I know; I have a dog. I’d like to bring him with me but I can’t. You can only have service dogs inside.”

    Me: “He is a service dog.”

    Customer: *to cashier* “Can you believe that some people bring their dogs everywhere? You can only have service dogs inside.”

    Me: *louder* “He IS a service dog.”

    Customer: *still talking to cashier “People need to learn you can’t just bring your dog anywhere you want. Only service dogs are allowed.”

    (I give up and talk to the cashier.)

    Me: “He IS a service dog. I have the papers for him and everything.”

    (The customer ignores me. She finishes checking out and walks off, still muttering.)

    Customer: “Only service dogs are allowed inside.”

    Cashier: “What the heck was her problem? Some people need to spend some time living in real society like we do and figure out how things work.”

    Older Couple Behind Us In Line: “D*** right!”

    (We proceed to finish checking out. We spend five minutes laughing with the older couple behind us and telling jokes about entitled people. Thanks for making our day, grouchy customer!)

    Related:
    No Paws For Thought, Part 2
    No Paws For Thought

    A Sinking Feeling About A Floater

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I work in a corporate coffee shop chain. Due to some customers using way too much toilet paper, our toilets often get blocked. A customer blocks one of our toilets so badly that we close off access to it and put a big no entry sign on the door. About two hours later I’m on till when a customer come up. He can’t speak English very well.)

    Customer: “Toilet.” *points to toilet* “It broke.”

    Me: “Yes. That’s why we have the no entry sign and have blocked it off.”

    Customer: “But it broke!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We kn—”

    (I get a sinking feeling.)

    Me: “You didn’t try and use it, did you?”

    Customer: “Yes! I use and it broke!”

    (At this point the customer comes to the realisation and slinks back to his seat. I go over and find he had torn down the barricade and forced the door open. He had not only flooded the toilet more, but also crapped right on top of the existing blockage. I tell my supervisor. I look over at the customer, who very quickly gets up and leaves, leaving us with his mess.)

    Feeding The Baby And The Trolls

    | KS, USA | Health & Body, History, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a renaissance festival every year for the past 11 years. My son is about 6 months old. As there is no spot designated for breastfeeding, I just find somewhere quiet and out of the way. Two patrons notice me.)

    Patron #1: “Oh, my God. What are you doing!?”

    Me: “Beg your pardon? Are you talking to me?”

    Patron #1: “Yes, of course! That is so nasty. You should be ashamed. That is absolutely disgusting, and sinful, and child abuse.”

    Me: “Oh, please. I do not want to hear it. I’m feeding my son. There is nothing wrong with it and it’s my right to do it wherever I want.”

    Patron #2: “He’s right. You can’t do that here. Take that nasty s*** where it belongs. Get a f****** bottle.”

    Me: “Leave me alone, please. I have a right by Kansas law to feed my son anywhere I want.”

    Patron #1: “Feed him with a bottle. That’s nasty and unsanitary. You’re abusing him by making him do that. Why you feminist b****es want to do that is beyond me. You’re so gross.”

    Me: “Okay. I’m not going to defend myself to you. So, just keep moving guys.”

    (One of my fellow festival participants comes along.)

    Participant: “Excuse me, gentlemen. Is there something I can do to help you?”

    Patron #2: “Yeah. You can make her leave. No one wants to see that!”

    Patron #1: “You guys shouldn’t allow that in your festival. You’re promoting child abuse.”

    Participant: “She actually has every right to be here as she’s a member of the faire, as is her baby. She has to feed him, gentlemen. If it bothers you, please feel free to look away from her.”

    Patron #1: “No. I want to sit on that bench right there and watch the gypsy’s dance. She needs to move.”

    Me: “I’m not moving. If you want to watch the show and don’t want to sit by me, go sit somewhere else.”

    (All the participants carry a walkie-talkie to contact security. This participant calls them.)

    Patron #1: “That’s right. You get someone here to make her leave.”

    (I move my son to burp him and switch sides. One of the patrons grabs my arm and attempts to remove me himself. I have my hands full with my son. I spot a group of yeomen (royal guards) walking by and immediately start yelling for them.)

    Me: “Insuth! Insuth!”

    (This is a way to alert other performers that I am NOT acting, and that I am in actual danger. The yeomen run over and one of them draws his sword, which is very real.)

    Yeoman: “I’d suggest you let the lady go. It appears she does not wish to accompany you.”

    Patron #2: “This little b**** needs to get the f*** out and we’re going to help show her the way.”

    (The other three yeomen draw their swords as well.)

    Yeoman: “I’m really thinking that is not going to happen. As it is, you gentlemen will be the ones leaving the grounds.”

    Patron #1: *sarcastically* “Oh, yeah. You and your fake weapons are gonna make us, right?”

    (One of the yeomen steps up to the tree that is next to him and takes a swing at it. The sword embeds several inches before he pulls it back out to show it is very real and sharp.)

    Yeoman: “Is that demonstration enough for you, sir? Would you like another?”

    (Finally, security arrives and holds the patrons until two state troopers come and arrest them. The yeoman who helped me was given a pin of achievement, as he had not broken character during the entire ordeal. I made them muffins every morning for the rest of the festival and have done so every year since.)


    Page 23/94First...2122232425...Last