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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Dilate It Down A Little

    | Aurora, CO, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m nine months pregnant, on literally my last week before maternity leave, working the front desk. I have just checked into his room an older man, about 55 to 60 years old.)

    Guest: *turning to go fetch his suitcase from the car* “Oh, and, are you pregnant?”

    Me: “Yup. I’m due March 6th.”

    Guest: “So, are you dilated yet?”

    Underwear Scare

    | Duluth, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Excuse me? I need to get some underwear. I know what I want, but I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Can you describe the brand to me?”

    Customer: “Well, actually, I’m wearing it right now. Could you just look at it and tell me if you have it?”

    (At this point, in the middle of the sales floor, she literally UNZIPS her pants, pushes them down a little, and pulls out the tag.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am really not comfortable doing this. If you could go into a fitting room and write down the information on the tag, I would be happy to help you.”

    Customer: “No, just read the tag! It’s right here!”

    (I’m backing away, and she actually manages to CORNER me.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I would have to touch your underwear in order to do that. I’m really not comfortable with that while it’s ON YOUR BODY.”

    Customer: “I don’t see what the big deal is! REACH IN THERE AND READ THE TAG!”

    Me: *squinting and pretending to read, lying through my teeth* “You know what? I think we discontinued that brand a while back. We don’t have this anymore.”

    Customer: “Oh really? That’s a shame. I always liked this underwear.”

    Me: “Yeah, ma’am. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Well… have you met Jesus yet?”

    They Just Can’t Cut the Mustard

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working the copy desk when a customer walks in.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to print some photos on my flash drive.”

    (She hands it to me.)

    Me: “Alrighty. I’ll just hook it up and we can go from there.”

    (I connect the flash drive to my computer and open the folder for it, to find that there is only one photo on it: a photo of the customer naked and rubbing ketchup and mustard on her large belly.)

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Yes, that one. I want it blown up to poster size, and I want 100 copies of that.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it’s against our company policy to print, er, photos of an explicit nature, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Really? Oh, darn. Well, do you at least like the picture?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Then it was worth it to come here after all!”

    Asking Ballsy Questions

    | Roseville, CA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    Female Customer: “I’d like to return these men’s underwear.”

    Return Counter Clerk: “That’s fine. Was there something wrong with them?”

    Female Customer: *with a totally straight face* “My husband says his balls keep falling out of them.”

    (No further questions!)

    A Messy Apology

    | Hattiesburg, MS, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work the afternoon shift at a mid-market hotel, so I make a lot of welcome calls to guests that have checked in just to make sure that they like the room.)

    Me: “Hey, this is [My Name] at the front desk. How are you?”

    Guest: “I’m good!”

    Me: “Wonderful. How do you like the room so far?”

    Guest: “Oh, the room’s great, except for the semen we found on the floor… Oh, wait, that’s mine!”

    Me: *stammering for the right words* “Um, ok, well, if you have any questions or if you need anything just let me know.”

    (The guest called back around five minutes later with an apology and an explanation. Apparently, he thought I was a friend of his by the same name that was due to check in to the hotel later that afternoon. Suffice it to say he was incredibly embarrassed.)

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