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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Not A Hair Out Of Place

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I work as a driver for a car rental office. I pick up customers from their homes, or from the local service centers and body shops, and return them to the same locations when they return the car. I am male and have worn my hair long for nearly ten years. During this trip, I am returning a customer home. His head is shaved. After making small talk for a few minutes, he asks a question.)

    Customer: “So, why do you have your hair like that? You look like a f****** f**.”

    Me: “Well, sir. I’ve been blessed with the ability to grow thick, healthy hair, so I grow it out, and once a year I cut it off and donate it to ‘Locks Of Love.’ They take it and make wigs for kids with cancer, who DON’T have the ability to grow their hair anymore thanks to chemo.”

    (There is silence in the car for a few minutes.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’m sorry about before. I actually lost my son to cancer a couple years ago. I shaved my head to match his, and I keep it shaved to remember him…”

    Health Conscious Mosquitoes Source Their Food

    | Dominican Republic | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (My wife and I are on vacation in a resort. We just had a ‘new arrivals’ meeting, and were told about possible malaria infection from mosquitoes. We both took the appropriate medication before traveling, but not everyone agrees that it is indeed necessary.)

    Tourist: “Taking that medication is not necessary you know. I should know, since I work for [our country's health regulation service]. Every person that has contracted malaria while on holiday here was from [a certain province]. Since we are from [another province] there are absolutely no risk!”

    (We laughed so hard we had to leave the room, and are still wondering how the mosquitoes manage to determine the province of origin of the tourist they are about to feast on…)

    Suddenly Not Feeling So Hot

    | NC, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body

    (The male in this story is a regular customer who has become a really good friend. Working the door at a Gentlemen’s Club, I have to use a fake name at work. When at work, the regular customer refuses to call me by my fake name, which is ‘Jessica.’)

    Regular: “Sandy! How’s Monday going?”

    Me: “Okay, slow, but the name’s not Sandy. That’s not even my real name. You know that.”

    Regular: “I know. You’re just… not a Jessica. I can’t call you Jessica.”

    Me: “What exactly makes me ‘not a Jessica’?”

    Regular: *pauses* “Well, because I know another Jessica, and she’s really hot.”

    Me: “…”

    Regular: “I gotta go study. See you later!”

    Club Manager: *over radio* “Did he… did he really just say that?”

    Piercing Judgments, Part 4

    | PA, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Religion

    (I am delivering oxygen to a new patient at their home. It is mid-summer and I am wearing a short sleeve work shirt. I have tattoos visible on both arms and hands as well as the front of my neck. I also have three piercings in each earlobe as well as my septum and three in my lower lip. There are all currently being filled by clear spacers. I also have shoulder length hair, a long full beard, stand 6’4″, and am clearly a biker. Generally, patients are a little timid at first when they see me but once they speak to me they are generally more at ease with my appearance and demeanor.)

    Me: “Will that be it for you today, ma’am?”

    Woman: “Why don’t you have any religious tattoos?”

    Me: “Pardon me, ma’am?”

    Woman: “Why don’t you have any religious tattoos like the saints or scriptures?”

    Me: “Well, I suppose because I don’t actively practice any religion, ma’am.”

    Woman: “Those things might be acceptable if they were religious.”

    Me: “I’ll agree to disagree, ma’am, but then I have to ask, why don’t you have any religious tattoos?”

    Woman: “Because the bible says to alter your body’s appearance is a sin! Leviticus says it.”

    Me: “I am somewhat familiar with the passages you are referring to, but if you believe that, then why would you ask why I don’t have any religious tattoos, when the bible says that tattoos are a sin?”

    Woman: “Well, you are obviously going to go to Hell for your sins, but I thought if you had some scripture instead of those other things you might be forgiven and get to walk with Jesus.”

    Related:
    Piercing Judgments, Part 3
    Piercing Judgments, Part 2
    Piercing Judgments

    A Seriously Crumby Job

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m cleaning the tables when I hear a customer yelling.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! You just sprayed that poison on me!”

    Me: “Poison? Oh, I’m sorry. You’ll be okay though. It’s just sanitizer. It’s no worse than the type you’d put on your hands.”

    Customer: “You put that on all the tables?!”

    Me: “Well, yes. It’s to keep germs from building.”

    Customer: “What if a customer eats it?”

    Me: “That could only happen if they licked the table.”

    Customer: “It could happen. And stop knocking those crumbs to the floor! It’s making the floor dirty!”

    Me: “How else can I get the table clean? I will sweep up once I’m done with the table.”

    Customer: “Sweep the crumbs into your hand!”

    Me: “I need a raise…”

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