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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Combo Number Four(skin)

    , | Des Moines, IA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working the drive-thru at about nine pm. A car comes up and a teenager gives his order of a burger.)

    Me: “And what size do you want for that?”

    Customer: “Uh… circumcise me!”

    Me: “You mean supersize?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Circumcise me.”

    (He drives to the first window, paying. I stick an extra plastic knife in his bag. When he drives to my window, I hand him his food.)

    Me: “Sir, I included one of our plastic knives. Unfortunately, we can’t perform your request here.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (The girl in the passenger seat, presumably his girlfriend, leans over and whispers in his ear.)

    Customer: *eyes widen and looks at me horrified*

    Me: “You did ask.”

    Customer: *steps on the gas and speeds out of the drive-thru*

    You Can Hear The Irony From Here

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in the call centre for an insurance company. The caller I am speaking to is an elderly gentleman who has called to make sure his new hearing aids are covered under his policy.)

    Me: “Yes, hearing aids are fully covered under your contents policy. And the good news is that if you have to make a claim, you won’t have to pay an excess.”

    Caller: “What was that, dear?”

    Me: “If you need to make a claim for your hearing aids you won’t have to pay any excess.”

    Caller: “No, I still didn’t get that.”

    Me: *nearly shouting* “IF YOU NEED TO CLAIM FOR YOUR HEARING AIDS IT WON’T COST YOU ANYTHING! WE’LL REPLACE THEM FOR FREE!”

    Caller: *cheerfully* “You must be thinking; ‘why hasn’t he got the f****** things in?’”

    One Is In Sickness, The Other Is in Health

    | France | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I am returning to a patient after we have received a call from his worried wife.)

    Me: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”

    Patient: “Which one?”

    Me: “Which one what?”

    Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”

    Me: “… No. She just said she was your wife.”

    Patient: “D***.”

    Me: “…”

    Me: “Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”

    Green Eyes Don’t Get You The Green

    | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Money

    (I am keying in banking and income information for a customer who really wants to borrow 200 dollars.)

    Me: “Congratulations! You’ve been approved for $150 today!”

    Customer: “Oh, man! Thanks! Did you know you have the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen, young lady?”

    Me: “Thank you so much, but our loans are computer generated amounts based on your income and banking information. I can’t approve for more than the $150.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, they aren’t that pretty after all.”

    Me: *just staring at him* “Umm?”

    Customer: “That came out wrong.”

    Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (A male customer comes up to me and shows me a male dog’s belly. Note that I am a rather young woman.)

    Customer: “What are those bumps on his belly?”

    Me: “Those are nipples.”

    Customer: “But I thought you said it was a boy.”

    Me: “He is a boy.”

    Customer: *horrified* “So why does he have nipples?”

    Me: “All mammals have nipples, sir. Don’t you?”

    Customer: “I… I guess you’re right.”

    (The customer turns six shades of red and walks away. This is not the first time that exact exchange has transpired.)

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