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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Don’t Be Forward, Just Lean Forward

    | Springfield, VA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (A customer with rather large breasts approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me please?”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. What can I help you find today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for books about plastic surgery.”

    Me: “Ah, I see. Well, let’s just look on the computer and see what we can come up with. Do you have a particular area you’re interested in reading about?”

    Customer: “I bet you can’t guess!”

    Me: “I wouldn’t want to be forward!”

    Customer: “Well, breast reduction surgery, then. Shy, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Just a little, yes. Let’s see what I can find.”

    Customer: “I’m always having back problems! These are just too big; I want to see if I can get them smaller.”

    Me: “It’s probably best to check with a doctor first, but maybe we can find something that will help you know what questions to ask.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t you agree they’re too big?”

    Me: “Er, again, I wouldn’t like to be forward.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on. You can touch them and see how big they are for yourself!”

    Me: “WHAT!”

    Customer: “C’mon, touch ‘em!”

    (The customer reaches for my wrist.)

    Me: “No, that’s okay!”

    Customer: “TOUCH MY PUPPIES!”

    Me: “Let me see if I can find someone more experienced with this.”

    Customer: “Why won’t shy guys touch my breasts!?”

    Buy Him A Hot Slice Of Karma

    | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Themed Giveaway

    (I have just gotten off my shift as a cashier, and am filling up my gas tank at a gas station right near my store before I head home. My jacket is covering up my uniform. A man approaches me in his car, telling me basically his whole life story about being in the military, just getting out of the hospital, not having eaten all day, and needing food to take his diabetic medication.)

    Man: “Would you be able to give me some food?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t.”

    Man: “Well, why the f*** not?!”

    Me: “Because, not even an hour ago, I saw you at my work, buying a full cart of groceries, and munching on a donut from our bakery. Unless you’ve eaten through all that food in so little time, I’m sure you’d be able to eat something with which to take your medication.”

    Man: “F*** YOU!”

    (As I go inside to buy myself something to drink, I see another poor generous soul buying him food, as well as filling his gas tank. I hope one day he gets what’s coming to him.)

    A Detergent Deterrence

    | RI, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Themed Giveaway

    (The market I work at keeps the packages of detergent pods on the middle shelf. A customer sees where they are, and flips out.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss?!”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Is there anyone I can talk to about the placement of the detergent pods?”

    Me: “Our manager isn’t in right now. If you want, I can give you his name so you can bring the matter up with him at a later date.”

    Customer: “I want you to do something about it now! These are poisonous to young children. If a child were to open one of these and eat one in the store, you would have a major lawsuit on your hands!”

    Me: “We’ve never had an issue with the placement of the product before, but I could see if the acting manager can do something about it.”

    (I go to page the acting store manager to the aisle. When I return to the aisle, the customer is nowhere to be seen, but there is a young girl trying to open one of the containers. Upon seeing me the young child drops the container on the floor causing them to spill everywhere.)

    Child: “I’m sorry!”

    (As if on cue, the customer comes flying into the aisle.)

    Customer: “See what I mean?! It’s a good thing you were here to stop this little girl before she ate one! I can’t imagine what would have happened if you hadn’t come into the aisle when you had! See how easy it is for a child to get into them?!”

    Child: “But Mommy, you told me to open it!”

    (The customer turns beet red, grabs her daughter, and sprints from the aisle. Thankfully she is stopped by the acting manager who had heard the entire exchange. It turns out that the woman had pulled the same stunt at several other markets in the area to get some form of compensation. She was forced to pay for the detergent pods in the end.)

    A Roll Rehearsal Before Bowel Reversal

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m working the front desk and checking in a guest.)

    Me: “…and here are your room keys. Your room is located on the third floor and will be on the right hand side of the elevator. If there’s absolutely anything you need just press zero on your phone and I’ll be sure to assist you. Enjoy your stay.”

    Guest: “Can I ask you for something now?”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Anything you need would be my pleasure to serve.”

    Guest: “Can I get five rolls of toilet paper?”

    Me: “The rooms come standard with two rolls. Would you like an additional three rolls to total the room out to five rolls, or would you like five additional rolls to total seven rolls?”

    Guest: “I would like the five additional rolls, please.”

    Me: “I can do that for you, but unfortunately there is a $1 fee per excess roll. Between you and me, if you wait until the morning, the housekeepers will change out your toilet paper anyway and you won’t have to pay for it.”

    Guest: “I need the five rolls tonight. I only bought this room because if I’m going to destroy a bathroom after my mother-in-law’s cooking, it ain’t gonna be my job to clean it up…”

    Sage Age Advice

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m head cashier in a craft store, and do all the returns. I have a couple come in with several bags and are rummaging through receipts. I start working through their transactions and find items that aren’t from my company and items without receipts.)

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I cannot process a return for these items.”

    Wife: “You should give me the money for these items anyway, because I have had a hard life! I have to take care of my mother and my four siblings!”

    Me: “I can understand that, but—”

    Wife: “What do you know about taking care of the elderly?”

    Me: “Since I was 12 I cared for my father with cancer, who died when I was 18. Then my uncle was diagnosed also with cancer. He passed away two days ago. Between that I have another uncle diagnosed and living with me. Previously, my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s also lived with me and passed last summer. I’m also taking care of my mother who has severe arthritis. I have 5 siblings and 20 cousins, but everyone is dropped on me with no care or help.”

    Wife: “I’m so sorry; I guess you do know what it’s like. Does it get better?”

    Me: “No, but bubble wrap helps.”


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