November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Shouldn’t Have Made A Meal Out Of It

| Leipzig, Germany | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am working as an alternative worker in the endoscopy ward of our hospital. The rule here is that before the medical exam in our ward the patients are not allowed to eat for some hours. Another worker brings a new patient in her bed.)

Me: “What is her exam?”

Worker: “Endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes sure. Which kind of endoscopy?”

Worker: “Just endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But which one? Gastroscopy? Colonoscopy?”

Worker: “Sorry. I don’t know more. They just told me to bring her to you.”

(I check the patient’s files and see that it is a gastroscopy. I inform the nurse.)

Me: “Okay. So you are for the gastroscopy?”

Patient: “Yes, young man. So I just ate spaghetti and now you are gonna stick a tube down my throat?”

Me: “Yes. Wait, did you said you just ate?”

Patient: “Yes, of course. I had spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti. I just had them for lunch. And now I’m here.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. You are not allowed to eat before the examination.”

(I call the nurse and inform her who also confirms it with the patient.)

Nurse: “Yes, ma’am. You were informed about this, that you are not allowed to eat before the examination. We have to reschedule the medical exam. We will talk to the doctor about a new appointment. You will have to go back to your ward.”

Patient: “But it was spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti!”

Sick Of His Secrets

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A man brought his little dog in because she wasn’t eating or going to the bathroom. The vets examined her and found that she had something stuck in her stomach blocking entrance to her small intestines. We ended up inducing vomiting. My job was to search for what could have caused the blockage.)

Me: *digging through the pile of vomit with a tongue depressor* “Ugh. Why is there so much stuff here? The guy said she wasn’t eating!”

Coworker: “Never thought I’d be digging through puke on a Saturday morning. Hey, what’s this?” *holding up a pink lacy thong with fishnet stockings stuck on it*

Me: “Oh, my god.”

(We bagged it up so the vet could show the client before sending it to the lab.)

Vet: “Sir, we found the cause of the blockage.”

Client: “Oh. OH. OH, MY… Can… can you please dispose of it?”

Vet: “We have to send it to the lab. Don’t worry; we’ll have them dispose of it.”

Client: “Thank you…”

(After he left, we all just about died laughing.)

Doctor’s Disorders

| ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

Me: “Thank you for calling pediatrics, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yeah, I saw my doctor today and she recommended I use lotrimin on my daughter’s yeast infection diaper rash but I’m at the store and the bottle says not to use on children under two except under the advice of a doctor. So I’m not sure what to do now…”

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 9

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(I am a cashier with a long line of customers. Note: the store I work at requires us to wear an apron.)

Customer: “Look at you! When are you due?”

Me: “I’m not pregnant.”

(Awkward pause as I continue ringing through her items.)

Customer “Are you sure? Sometimes you can be pregnant and not know it.”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. I am not pregnant.”

Customer: “Well, I think you are pregnant. You should go get a test because I know you are pregnant.”

Me: “Trust me, I am really not pregnant.”

Customer: “Maybe you are and you’re just in denial.”

Me: “No. I am NOT pregnant!”

Customer: “But you could—”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not pregnant; I am just fat.”

Customer: “…”

Me: *finishes transaction* “Thank you and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Congratulations on the baby!”

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 8
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 7
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6

Dropping The Change You Want To See In The World

| Berkeley, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m ringing up a frail, elderly customer who is having a hard time getting her money out, when she drops a quarter onto the floor. She turns to the customer behind her in line, who is in her late 30s.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, do you mind helping me pick that up?”

(Customer #2 sighs, but bends down and picks it up for her.)

Customer #1: “Thank you so much.”

(I continue ringing her up, when she drops a coin again.)

Customer #1: *again to Customer #2* “I’m so sorry, do you mind helping me again?”

Customer #2: “Okay, but if this keeps happening, maybe you should ask somebody else.”

Customer #1: “I’m sorry; I have arthritis and—”

Customer #2: “Yeah, well, I have my own problems, lady.”

Me: *speechless*