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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Going To Get Charged With Nine Months

    | CT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in this small grocery store and we don’t get many customers until one day…)

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, could you help me with my stuff.”

    (The lady has a large stomach.)

    Me: “Sure, ma’am.”

    (I help her, but she slips a bit and I see a watermelon sticking out a bit from her shirt.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to remove the watermelon from your shirt.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU DISRESPECTFUL B****?! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M PREGNANT?!”

    Me: “I can see it slipping from your shirt…”

    (At this point the customer started running away, but fell over herself. The watermelon splattered everywhere and she kept screaming MY BABY! MY POOR BABY! but realized it was useless and she was caught. That really made my day.)

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    Trying To Get Through Her Thick Helmet

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I worked in a chain of high-end ski and mountain sports stores. On this occasion, I was standing at the till whilst my assistant manager was moving some items nearby. A lady in her mid-60s comes storming into the store with a ski helmet in her hand; it’s obvious it’s taken a heavy hit on the back and there’s a big dent in it.)

    Me: “Hi there, madam. How can I help?”

    Customer: “You sold me a faulty product. I demand to see the manager.”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that, madam. Our manager’s just on a conference call with our head office at the moment, but our assistant manager’s over the—”

    (She stormed over to my assistant manager before I could finish, and I listened to the rest of the conversation whilst I carried on with my work.)

    Customer: “You sold me a faulty product. I bought this [ski helmet] for my grandson last month, and it broke on his first trip. I want a refund and compensation.”

    Assistant Manager: “Okay, madam, may I take a look at the helmet and see what’s wrong with it?” *the lady hands over the helmet*

    Assistant Manager: “Madam, could I ask if your grandson took a fall at any point during his trip?”

    Customer: “What? Yes, of course he did. He was on a school trip and they were learning. He told me they did some off-piste skiing on their last day and he fell and hit his head on one of the chair lift pylons. What’s this got to do with anything, though? The helmet’s clearly failed and is faulty, I want a refund!”

    Assistant Manager: “Madam, I understand your frustration considering you only just bought this, but company policy is that we don’t refund damaged helmets in any way. Essentially, the helmet’s done its job by protecting your grandson’s head.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU TRY AND BRUSH THIS OFF! YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I DON’T CARE IF YOUR MANAGER’S ON THE PHONE TO THE SULTAN OF BRUNEI, I WANT HIM OUT HERE, WITH MY MONEY, NOW!!!”

    (My assistant manager goes to the office where my manager’s just finished the call. She’s a rather petite woman, but has a very strong personality and is not known for backing down easily.)

    Manager: “Hello, Madam. My name is [Manager] and I’m the store manager here. What seems to be the issue?

    (The customer re-rants her story and the manager stands there looking at the helmet briefly.)

    Manager: “So, what you’re saying is, your grandson took a tumble, hit his head on a ski lift pylon, and the helmet suffered damage as a result of this?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “So your grandson’s still alive then?”

    Customer: “I… What?”

    Manager: “Madam, if your grandson had gone off piste without the helmet on and hit the pylon, he wouldn’t have come back at all. The helmet did its job in protecting his head from the impact. I appreciate the fact you’ve spent money on a protective device and it has become damaged so quickly, but that’s what it’s for: protection. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: *practically bellowing* “THIS IS DISGUSTING! I’VE SPENT THOUSANDS IN YOUR STORE SINCE IT WAS OPENED AND I’VE NEVER BEEN TREATED LIKE THIS BEFORE! THIS PIECE OF C*** IS BROKEN, AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU WON’T REFUND IT?! WHAT THE H** CAN I DO WITH IT NOW, USE IT AS A PAPERWEIGHT?! I’LL TAKE THIS TO HEAD OFFICE AND GET TREATED CORRECTLY AND HAVE YOU FIRED FOR YOUR IDIOCY!”

    (My manager doesn’t like being shouted at by anyone, and looks directly at the customer.)

    Manager: “Madam, I’m sorry, but your outburst has just cost you a store credit I was considering offering by way of a goodwill gesture. I’ve been manager since this store has been open and I have never seen you here before, let alone on regular occurrences. Please feel free to contact our head office to discuss this further; their details are on our website. But for now I would like you to leave, please.”

    (The customer stormed out without another word. Later that week, we heard from head office that she’d managed to get the contact details for the CEO who then proceeded to provide a replacement helmet, free of charge, plus about £100 worth of vouchers to use at any store as compensation “for the utter humiliation” she suffered in our store. Nice to know that despite standing by what you believe is right, the customer can still get what they want if they go high up and moan loudly enough.)

    ‘V’ For Victory

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I work in a call center that offers referrals for mental health clinicians. This lady has been chewing my ear off about how she can’t find anyone in her area, despite there being around 50 clinicians within 20 miles of her.)

    Caller: “I have to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist. NO NURSE PRACTITIONERS!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “I need to see someone who is an actual professional.”

    Me: “Well, nurse practitioners are licensed professionals. They actually can prescribe medication, whereas a PhD can’t.”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t want to deal with someone who couldn’t make it in medical school.”

    Me: “No psychologist in your area went to medical school, either.”

    (This goes on for a few minutes, until I find her a clinician that fits her picky standards.)

    Me: “So the provider’s name is Tivoli. ‘T’ as in Tom, ‘I’ as in Idaho, ‘V’ as in Victor, ‘O’ as in—”

    Caller: “Hold it, hold it! What the h*** do you mean ‘C’ as in Victor? Are you brain-dead or something? There’s no ‘C’ in Victor!”

    Me: “Well, for one thing, there is. It’s the third letter. And for another, I said ‘V’ as in Victor.”

    Caller: “Oh. I thought you said ‘C.'”

    Me: “That’s why I gave you a phonetic word. To avoid that very confusion.”

    Caller: “Still… *she had nothing to follow this*

    Lack Of Touching Sentiment

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am working on the teller line when a customer comes into the lobby. He smells like he hasn’t bathed all week, and his hands are filthy. Also, our bank requires customers who don’t have an account with us to put a thumbprint on the front of any checks they cash. This is a fairly common procedure at many banks.)

    Customer: “I’d like to cash this check.”

    Me: “Okay, if I could just get your thumbprint on the check…” *holds out ink pad*

    Customer: *raising his hands and backing away* “I am NOT touching THAT. I don’t know where it’s been. It could have Ebola. I gotta protect myself.”

    Me: “You do realize the cash you are getting has been more places than this ink pad has right?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t have any idea who’s been touching that pad. They could’ve picked their nose and then touched it for all I know.”

    (I count out his cash, and right before he leaves he grabs a pen off the counter, that EVERY SINGLE other customer has touched, and says:)

    Customer: “Is it okay if I take this?”

    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 2

    | Hampshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    Customer: “I’m allergic to tree pollen, but I don’t have hay fever, so don’t try to sell me any hay-fever medication!”

    New Colleague: “Sir, an allergy to tree pollen is hay fever. If you take these it will help.”

    Customer: “It say’s trainee on your badge. You don’t know what you’re talking about! I’d like to speak to a more senior member of staff!”

    (The new colleague fetches me. I am 20 years younger than my colleague.)

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I asked to speak to a senior member of staff! Why are you getting involved?!”

    Me: “As I’ve been here the longest. I am more than capable of answering any problems you may have.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re a child. You can’t possibly be able to deal with the responsibility! Get me someone more senior!”

    (I go and get the pharmacist who has been listening to the whole thing.)

    Customer: “Finally, an adult who knows what they’re doing! How can you leave a child in charge of your chemist counter?”

    Pharmacist: “Well, sir, [My Name] has passed all of her courses with the highest mark we’ve ever seen in this store, so I’m perfectly happy to let her deal with any queries, but as I’m here – what’s the problem?

    Customer: *looking sheepish* “I’m allergic to tree pollen and want something for it.”

    Pharmacist: “That’s called hay fever; try an antihistamine.”

    Related
    Allergic To Common Sense

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