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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Total Nincompoop

    | Russellville, AR, USA | Health & Body

    (I work in a restaurant as a teenager. The restroom is crowded and I’m in a stall when all leave except two young girls. Girl #1 is in a stall and Girl #2 is waiting by the sinks.)

    Girl #1: “Is everyone gone?”

    Girl #2: *apparently hasn’t noticed me* “Yeah, they left.”

    Girl #1: “Oh good. Now I can poop.”

    (I take that as my cue to flush and wash my hands, trying not to laugh at the sudden awkward silence. As I open the door to leave I say:)

    Me: “Okay. Now you can poop.”

    A Cancer Of Society

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (Our store is selling stuffed toys to give to children undergoing cancer treatment. I’m on register checking out a couple.)

    Me: “Would you like to purchase one of the toys and donate it to a child?”

    (The customer reaches for one of the toys and I think I’ve made a sale. But then she puts the toy back on the counter and says:)

    Customer: “My hunch is that kids who have cancer get enough of these.”

    Common Sense Is In The Bag

    | Selangor, Malaysia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (An in-house guest walks back into the hotel lobby.)

    Guest: “I demand to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. I’ll call the manager now.”

    (The manager comes down to the lobby.)

    Manager: “Yes? How can I assist you, ma’am?”

    Guest: “I would like to claim MYR5000 from the hotel for the loss of my bag!”

    Manager: “I am sorry, but when did this happen and where was the last place you kept the bag?”

    Guest: “No. I just bought the bag from the mall and it was snatched by a motorist on my way back. It cost me MYR5000 for the bag. Now it is stolen so the hotel must pay me back!”

    Manager: “I am sorry, ma’am. Would you like to lodge a police report?”

    Guest: “No. Just pay me my money back.”

    Manager: “I am sorry again, ma’am. But the loss of the bag is not the responsibility of the hotel as it happened outside the hotel premises. However, we can send you to the nearest hospital for a check-up if you need it, or the police station to file a report. We are sorry for the loss, but we cannot pay you for something that is not taken by the hotel or our staff.”

    Guest: “But I am your guest and I lost a bag. How is that not your responsibility? I am never coming back and I will tell all my friends and family about your poor attitude!”

    In Too Deep (Voice)

    , | Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (I’m a fairly feminine looking guy and my voice is relatively high. Sometimes I get mistaken for a girl. I’m checking a lady out at the register.)

    Customer: “You have beautiful eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?”

    Me: “Thank you! That’s very kind of you!”

    Customer: “I see you here all the time and you’re so friendly and fun to talk to. I’d love to speak with your manager about your excellent service!”

    Me: “Wow! Thank you so much! Unfortunately my manager isn’t in today, though. I think she’ll be in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “All right, then. I’ll give the store a call tomorrow to speak with her. What’s your name, Miss?”

    Me: “Sam.”

    Customer: “Your full name?”

    Me: “… Samuel.”

    Customer: “… Oh.”

    Me: *quietly, trying to make my voice a little deeper* “Would you like your receipt?”

    Hair + Arm = Harem

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (My uniform exposes my arms that, for a woman, are hairy.)

    Customer: “Wow, you have hairy arms.”

    Me: *embarrassed* “Um, yeah.”

    Customer: “I love women with hairy arms.”

    (He grabs my arm and feels it. I am shocked, and start backing away from him.)

    Customer: “Would you like to join my harem of hairy women?”

    (At that point I abandoned my post and ran to my manager. When we came back the customer was gone.)

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