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  • Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Trying To Blow Smoke

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m running the express lane when a lady approaches my till holding an infant of about a year old. Note: it’s October and around 68° outside.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

    Customer #1: *sets infant on counter * “Yes, I’d like two packs of [Brand] cigars.”

    (I go get the cigars, and as I return and start ringing up her cigars, another customer walks by who also has an infant that is in only shorts, minding their own business.)

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2′s infant* “Oooh, baby, you’re gonna get sick wearing only shorts. It’s, like, zero degrees outside.” *to me* “Some people.”

    (She happily walked away with her cigars and baby.)

    Taking The Man Out Of Spiderman

    | Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I work as a receptionist for my dad’s chiropractic office. Most of the patients are lovely, but we do have some odd ones. One patient in particular is a little bit sexist, but because he’s never intends to be outright rude, I just try to ignore his somewhat sexist comments. Today when he comes in he tries to play a little joke on me.)

    Patient: *comes up to the desk and starts pointing at a random spot on it* “There’s a spider! Get it! Get it!”

    (I casually look around, as I have had spiders sneak their way to my desk before, but I don’t see anything.)

    Me: “Where is it? I don’t see it.”

    Patient: *gives a bit of an odd look* “Right there! Get it!”

    Me: *look again but still doesn’t see anything* “I still don’t see it. I guess it got away.” *shrugs*

    Patient: *gives me another weird look* “Why aren’t you freaking out?”

    Me: “Spiders don’t really bug me.”

    Patient: “Oh… should I have said it was a snake?”

    Me: “They don’t bug me either. I actually like snakes.”

    Patient: *looks baffled* “What kind of woman are you?!”

    Getting A Call From The Idiot Factory

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “So what’s in this supplement? I don’t want the product label; tell me what it’s MADE OF.”

    Me: *after five minutes of searching and her complaining how long it was taking* “It’s made from chicken cartilage. Is that what you were wondering?”

    Customer: “Oh, I knew that. I just wanted to know if you knew.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “So, where are your factory locations? Do you work there? You better work there if you’re selling me these products.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work in the factory. I take phone call orders. We don’t release our manufacturing locations.”

    Customer: “Well, what kind of shady company are you?!” *hangs up*

    Think Before You Ink

    | ACT, Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for plain black drawing ink. I want the best quality you have here.”

    Me: “Wonderful! We have [Good Brand] here, and we have it in plain black as well. These are the most popular inks we sell as they are of such good quality. Are you working on a project?”

    Customer: “Oh, well, kind of. I am going to give myself a tattoo tonight! This should do the trick.”

    (Shocked, and thankful to myself that I asked, I suddenly stop putting my thoughts together as to what to say next and just blurt out the first thing that falls out of my mouth out of feeling the urgency of the situation.)

    Me: “Yes, it should do the trick if you WANT TO DIE! THIS IS NOT TATTOO INK, MA’AM. It will KILL you, like DEAD, if you use it in your skin! Please DON’T use this for tattoos! It’s for art and craft projects only!”

    Customer: *taken aback and gasps* “Oh, my gosh! I had no idea! I just thought ink was ink! So glad you asked. You saved my life! Thank you!”

    (After explaining to her where she could look into purchasing tattoo ink and recommending she also look into the best tattoo artists in town, as well as carefully putting into less-stressed words about why you don’t use drawing inks for tattoos, she leaves, white as a ghost but very thankful.)

    Coworker: “And that just happened… Lucky you asked what the ink was for!”

    He’s Not Exactly Professor X(Ray)

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (An elderly man in a wheelchair comes into the clinic waiting room accompanied by his adult son. This clinic is held upstairs.)

    Nurse: “Mr. [Man]?”

    Man: “Yep.”

    Nurse: “You’ll need an x-ray before you see [Consultant].”

    Man: “I’m not having no x-ray. I’ve had enough x-rays!”

    Nurse: “Well, [Consultant] has requested a new x-ray before he sees you today.”

    Man: “No, I’m not having no x-ray.”

    Nurse: “Did you want me to cancel your appointment today, then?”

    Man: “No, I’m here. I want my appointment.”

    Nurse: Well, [Consultant] can’t do anything unless you have a new x-ray.”

    Man: “Fine! I’ll have the x-ray.”

    Nurse: “Okay, then. If you’ll just take the lift to go downstairs to x-ray—”

    Man: “Down? I’ve just come up in the lift! I’m not going down again! I’ve had enough of this: up in the lift, down in the lift. I don’t like lifts! I’m not going down in any lift. You can’t make me.”

    Son: “I reckon you’ll be staying here all night, then, Dad. We’re on the second floor.”

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