(A husband and wife are staying at our hotel because they are visiting the wife’s father, whose own wife is giving birth. One evening, the husband and father-in-law come stumbling into our front office.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Husband: “Quick, I need… um…” *turns to father-in-law* “What’s the word…”

Father-In-Law: *shrugs*

(The husband says the word several times in another language. My coworker hears this and approaches.)

Coworker: *to me* “I got it.”

(My coworker speaks to them in the language they were speaking. She then nods, calls them a taxi, and enters a note on their account for the manager.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Coworker: “Well, you know how he and his wife were here to celebrate with her dad?”

Me: “Yes?”

Coworker: “Yeah, well, since his wife is pregnant and can’t drink, he and his father-in-law were in the hotel bar alone. The father-in-law wanted to tell him he was ordering traditional Irish baby gifts when they got a call that his wife had gone into labor.”

Me: “Oh wow! That’s great! Wait… what was he confused about, then?”

Coworker: “Oh, they were too drunk to remember the English words for ‘hospital’ and ‘taxi’.”

Me: “I’m so glad you weren’t on your lunch break!”

(A customer in maybe her late 40s or early 50s walks up to the counter while she waits for her drink.)

Customer: “Oh honey, are you okay?”

Me: “Well, yeah…why?”

Customer: “Your skin… it’s so pale!”

Me: “Oh, I’m just naturally very fair-skinned. Whole family is.”

Customer: “But sweetie, you look awful.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You look just AWFUL! So sickly.”

Me: “Well, thank you for your concern, but I feel just fine.”

Customer: “No, really, you look TERRIBLE!”

Me: “Gee, thanks.”

Customer: “What?! I’m just trying to be helpful! You should really see a doctor about that skin of yours, you just look horrible!” *takes her drink and leaves*

Me: “Uh… what just happened?”

(At this point, another younger, female customer speaks up.)

Another Customer: “Some giant piece of old burnt toast trying to reclaim her long lost youth.”

(A customer approaches my register and drops her items on the counter in two separate piles without acknowledging me or diverting attention from her cellphone. There is a line forming as there is only one cash register. Note: I work part-time here; my other job is at a pharmacy.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: *to her phone* “So, I went to the doctor and he prescribed me zithromyacin…”

Me: “Okay, were you going with all of these today or is this pile here to go back?”

Customer: *to her phone* “Well, I didn’t want to spend money on another prescription, so I just took some Diflucan I had at home.”

Me: “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to know what you plan to purchase before I can ring you up.”

Customer: *to her phone* “That should be okay, right? I mean, I don’t even know what Diflucan is, but I figured it was stupid to spend more money on pills.”

Me: “So, should I go ahead and ring these?

Customer: *to her phone* “I mean, what is Diflucan anyway?”

Me: *a bit loudly* “DIFLUCAN is most frequently prescribed for YEAST INFECTIONS. Were you ready to check out or would you like to step into a more private area to finish your call?”

Customer: “Okay, these are the items what I wanted to purchase!” *pays and quickly leaves, embarrassed*

(I am a pharmacist working at 24-hour pharmacy. This takes place on a late Sunday evening.)

Female Caller: “Hello, um… I… um… you know the morning after pill?”

Me: “Yes, certainly. What would you like to know about it?”

Female Caller: “Is there an anti-morning after pill?”

Me: “Sorry? An anti-morning after pill?”

Female Caller: “Yes. You see, this guy, he came around today, and he brought some flowers and everything, so now I’m kind of regretting taking that pill. So is there an anti-morning after pill I could take?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, there isn’t such a thing.”

Female Caller: “Oh, that is a shame. Do you think they will make one?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I really don’t think they will.”

Female Caller: “Really? Oh, that is a bummer.” *hangs up*

(I’m customer-facing tech support, and I’ve just fixed up a customer’s phone after a few issues she’s been having.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s brilliant! Thank you so much! Oh, and I love your hair! It’s so trendy!”

Me: “Thanks! Well, if you need any more—”

Customer: “Yeah, sort your weight out and you’d be alright looking.”

Me: “Sorry?!”

Customer: “It’s okay, just exercise! Bye!”