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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Not The Best Pupil For Eye Care

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “I need to make an appointment for my cat. Something is really wrong with his eyes!”

    Me: “Could you explain to me what you’re seeing?”

    Caller: “They keep changing sizes!”

    Me: “Do you mean you see the eyelid coming over the eye, or…?”

    Caller: “No! His eyes keep changing sizes! Sometimes the eye gets really big, and sometimes it gets really small.”

    Me: “Wait, are you talking about the black part of the eye? Does the eye get skinny when it’s bright in the house or if your cat is in sunlight?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “And does the eye get wide when it’s dark out?”

    Caller: “Yes! That’s exactly it! I need to know how to fix it!”

    Me: “The black part of the eye is called a pupil. It changes size based on how much light is coming into the eye. When it’s bright out, the pupil gets smaller, when it’s dark out, the pupil gets larger. If there’s sunlight in one eye and darkness in the other, one pupil will be small and one will be big.”

    Caller: “So I can’t fix it?”

    Me: “No, you can’t. There’s nothing wrong with the eye. In fact, your eyes do the same thing.”

    Caller: “So… it can’t be fixed?”

    No Follicular Coupon Is A Folly

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (A man comes up to the pharmacy registers to purchase a bottle of hair growth product. These items come with coupons attached to the box so customers receive instant savings.)

    Customer: “I’d like to purchase this, and I have a coupon for it.”

    Me: “Excellent. I’ll ring this up for you.”

    Customer: “I also have two coupons from previous boxes that I forgot to use before but I don’t have them with me. You can just take the ten dollars off my purchase now, though.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but unfortunately I can only use one coupon per purchase of this item as it says here at the bottom of the coupon.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t get to use them before so I would like to use them now.”

    Me: “So you would like me to give you a discount for coupons that you do not currently have with you today?”

    Customer: “Yes. I don’t see what the problem is.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s not the way it works.”

    Customer: “Well what do you expect me to do with the coupons, then?”

    Me: “Give them to your friends or relatives?”

    Customer: “They won’t use them. They have hair!”

    Don’t Lose Shut-Eye Over A Bad Eye

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I’m considered legally blind. I can see, but not well enough to drive, etc. I also have to look very closely when reading, especially small print. It’s something I was born with, so now at age 24 I joke around about it, even with customers, unless, like this guy, you’re a d***head. His credit card won’t read so I’m keying in the numbers manually, and he notices how closely I’m reading.)

    Customer: “I’m surprised they let you work the cash.”

    Me: “They’ve even made me a cashier supervisor, but why do you say that?”

    Customer: “Well, you know, because of your eyes.”

    Me: “What about them?”

    Customer: “Well you have to look so close.”

    Me: “And this is a problem?”

    Customer: “Well… umm…”

    Me: “Tell you what, if you ever see me driving a forklift in the store, then you can comment about my eyes. Until then, don’t lose any sleep over it.”

    The Final Cherry On Top

    | Interlochen, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work at the retail store of an arts camp. Since the campus is about a half hour away from the annual Cherry Festival, we sell a number of cherry products. One of these was a bottle of cherry concentrate. It is about $20 for a 12 oz bottle. Being concentrate, not juice, you don’t drink it by itself. You take about a teaspoon of it and add it to water to make it into juice. Most people, though, think that it is just normal juice and so it doesn’t really sell well.)

    Camper #1: “What is this? Juice? Geez! Why would anyone buy juice for $20?”

    Camper #2: “THAT’S NOT JUICE!”

    Camper #1: “What? Isn’t it?”

    Camper #2: “NO! THAT IS CONCENTRATE! IF YOU DRINK IT BY ITSELF YOU WILL POOP FOREVER!”

    Hopefully His First Name Isn’t John

    | North Wilkesboro, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I work in a well-known national chain pharmacy. The particular store that I work in provides medicine to at least half of our well-sized county, so we stay rather busy and have a lot of customers. This exchange happens far more often than it really should:)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a prescription.”

    Me: “All right, what’s the name?”

    Customer: “Johnson.” *or some other common last name*

    Me: “Okay, and the first name?”

    Customer: “There’s more than one?!”

    Me: “…”

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