November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Canadian Hair-itage

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Canada, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am getting my eyebrows threaded; while in the chair, I hear this exchange between an employee and another customer.)

Customer: “How much to thread [facial area I didn’t see]?”

Employee: “Ten dollars.”

Customer: “But I don’t have that much hair there, can I get a discount?”

Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, it’s a flat rate; it’s ten dollars no matter how much hair you have.”

Customer: “But I’m Canadian.”

Employee: “…”

More Stupid Than Homer Simpson

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(It is the Halloween season and I’m working in the cosmetics aisle, advising customers on what kinds to use, letting them test products, etc…)

Customer: “So,I want to be Homer Simpson.”

Me: “Oh, okay.” *proceeds to show him our various kinds of yellow makeup* “Would you like to test some?”

Customer: “Sure!”

(He holds out his hand for me to dab some makeup on, but halfway through, says:)

Customer: “I might be allergic to this. I’m not sure.”

Me: “Oh! Well, here, let me get you a makeup wipe and we’ll get it off of you.”

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ll just walk around the store a bit and if it’s not too bad I’ll buy some.”

Customer’s Wife: *opens the new container of makeup* “Here, honey, put a little on your face and we’ll try that.”

(I momentarily wonder if she’s actively trying to kill her husband, but manage to get out:)

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t use the makeup before you buy it.”

Wife: “But why not?”

Me: “Because then I can’t sell it if you don’t choose to buy it.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Customer: “We’ll be back!”

(They then walk off, leaving me standing there with a makeup wipe and the vague fear that he’s going to go into shock and die in the store, but instead they show up five minutes later.)

Customer: “So it’s making my skin all red and itchy, but I think it’s okay. I’ll tough it out!”

Me: “…These items are not returnable or exchangeable.”

Needs To See The Doctor For Their Stupidity

, | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I work in a call center that mainly serves as an after-hours line for local hospitals and clinics. Routine questions revealed this particular caller to be a pregnant teenager and someone who speaks English as a first language.)

Me: “Good evening. How may I help you?”

Patient: *using the most arrogant and condescending tone imaginable* “I need to speak to a doctor, right now!”

Me: “Miss, are you currently experiencing an emergency? Bleeding, difficulty breathing—”

Patient: “No, no, but this is really important!”

Me: “Would you like me to take a message?”

Patient: “NO! I said I need to talk to a DOCTOR, NOW!”

(The doctor’s line is reserved for emergencies only. Nonetheless, I continue politely.)

Me: “What seems to be the nature of the problem, miss?”

Patient: “The doctor gave me these prenatal vitamins, and I need them to tell me how much I should take!”

Me: “…You mean the dosage instructions printed on the side of the bottle?”

A Multidirectional Question

| Chennai, India | Health & Body, Language & Words

(This took place a few years ago when Mum and I were at a pharmacy. We are stocking up on some over-the-counter medications and witness this gem of a conversation between the busy pharmacist and another customer:)

Customer: *in a low voice, clearly embarrassed* “I, umm… need some medicine for the toilet.”

Pharmacist: “For diarrhea or constipation?”

Customer: *with a confused look on his face* “What does that mean?”

Pharmacist: “You wanna make it stop or make it go?”

Said With The Breast Intentions

| Arlington, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I work at a maternity store. I arrive and go behind the counter to clock in. A pregnant customer I have never met is draped over the counter, complaining to my coworker about back pain from her large breasts. She looks at me, glares, and says loudly to my not-large breasts:)

Customer: “Of course, SOME PEOPLE don’t have that problem!”

Me: “Thanks for that.”