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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Putting The Prices Into Perspective

    | Newport, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    Customer: “How do you sleep at night charging this much for popcorn?”

    Me: *completely fed up with this crap* “I lie awake at night thinking about my mother’s cancer treatments.”

    (No response from Customer, and awed shock from coworkers.)

    He Is Weigh Out Of Line

    , | WA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    (It is a few days before Christmas. One of my coworkers is nearby.)

    Me: “Hi there, sir. Are you finding everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m just trying to decide which size sweater would fit my wife better.”

    Me: “Do you know what size she normally wears?”

    Customer: “Not really, but she is bigger than you… especially in the breasts… She is more like your size!” *gesturing to my coworker*

    (Turns around to address my coworker.)

    Customer: “What do you weigh?”

    Passes It No Sweat

    | Okotoks, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

    (A customer brings over a pair of wool socks and a large pack of toe warmers to my till. He is in his early twenties, but seems nice enough.)

    Me: “Getting ready for the cold weather? I heard it’s supposed to snow.”

    Customer: “No, it’s for a drug test.”

    (Thinking I didn’t hear right.)

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “They help me pass my drug test, every time.”

    Me: “…”

    Midwest Going South

    | West Yellowstone, MT, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    (Most of the time when guests have a clogged toilet they come down or call and ask for a plunger or someone to come up. After all, we really don’t need to know WHY it’s clogged to fix it (and honestly we don’t want you to tell us).)

    Guest: “Yeah, could I have a plunger? I just took a good old Midwestern s***!”

    Me: “I did not know that was something the Midwest was known for…”

    Will Make It Up To You

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I work for a popular makeup company that provides free ‘make-unders’ to clients for special occasions and events. I work in a full sized boutique. I have a client in for a homecoming look. She looks about 16. Her mother is there with her as well.)

    Client: “This is such a cool job. I’d love to work here.”

    Me: “Well, how old are you? You have to be 18 to work here.”

    Client: “Darn! I’m 17 for another few months. So close.”

    Mother: “Anyway, honey, you need to get a REAL job. You’re better than being a makeup counter girl.”

    (I proceed to drop the brush I’m using because I was so surprised that someone would say that right in front of my face. Her daughter looked mortified and gave me an apologetic look. I go behind the counter and get an application.)

    Me: “Here, fill out this application. I’ll put in a good word for you when you turn 18.”

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