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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Putting The Pee Into Preparation

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I work in a radiology practice. I have just finished booking an appointment for a patient for the following day and am explaining the preparation procedure for his examination.)

    Me: “One hour prior to your appointment, you will need to drink six glasses of water and hold your bladder.”

    Patient: *nods slowly, but clearly does not understand*

    Me: “Do you understand the preparation, sir?”

    Patient: “Oh, yes. Yes, of course.” *nods vigorously*

    (Unconvinced, I write him an appointment card and explain the procedure again. A short while later, the patient returns.)

    Patient: “I, um, just have one question regarding that preparation.”

    Me: “Yes, drinking the water and holding the bladder.”

    Patient: “Yep. So, where do I get a bladder from? Can you just buy them from the chemist?”

    Me: “Sir, you already have a bladder. It’s a part of your urinary tract system. It’s an organ inside your body.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay! I get you! I get you! So… I don’t need to go to the chemist?”

    Going Barking Mad

    | Surrey, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am working the customer service counter at a local grocery store.)

    Customer: *puts a bag of dog food on the counter* “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “Certainly. Was there anything wrong with it?”

    Customer: “No. I’m pregnant, and I’m losing my mind. I have a cat.”

    Trying Not To Read Ahead

    | Iceland | Books & Reading, Health & Body

    (I’m working the checkout counter when a cheerful old man, one of our regulars, comes to check out a book.)

    Customer: “Do you also have that autobiography by [Author]?”

    Me: “Let me check… Yes, we do have it. Would you like me to get it for you?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I’ll borrow it at a later date. I only ever borrow one book at a time, you know. After all, I’m in my 90s now. I might not live to return it!”

    Hot On The Scent For Trouble

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I have a service dog and request a booth so he can sit or lie underneath without being in anyone’s way. He wears a bright red vest with the proper identification of his use and I also carry an ID card proving his certifications for use. That also means there is a little bit of a wait unless we make reservations to let them know about the dog and table requests. This happens when waiting for a table.)

    Customer: “I didn’t know this was one of those dog friendly places.”

    Waitress: “It’s not.”

    Customer: “Well you’d better tell that girl over there she needs to put her dog in the car. Wait, you’re not allowed to sass customers are you? Don’t worry. I’ll tell her.” *to me* “Hey, you. B**** with the dog!”

    (I’m thinking he sees someone else waiting for a table with their dog but when I look over I see him waving a cane at me.)

    Me: “Me?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’m talking to you. Didn’t you hear? You’re not allowed to bring your f****** dog here. You young people think the rules don’t apply to you! Well, let me tell you, sweetie, the rules apply to everyone!”

    Me: “He’s a medical dog which makes him allowed everywhere your cane is allowed. So why don’t you turn around and take your self-righteous a** back to your seat and keep your nose out of business you have no right to be in?”

    Customer: “You respect your elders, missy! I fought a war for you to be able to take that beast in this fine establishment!”

    Me: “I give respect where respect is deserved. You may have fought a war back then but I need this dog because I fought a war so you can keep your freedoms. And as for my beast, he’s better mannered than you are. At least he knows how to act in public.”

    (The customer paled before scurrying back to his seat and the other people in the restaurant applauded me. We were given a booth as far away as the man as possible right away and the manager brought out food and water for my dog as well.)

    His Excuse Is A Total Cop Out

    | SC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

    (I work for security in a very rural hospital and am dealing with a very unruly patient who isn’t allowed to leave due to medication he has taken.)

    Me: “Sir, I just want to make you aware that because of the medications you have taken, for your safety, I need you to go back inside and call a ride to pick you up.”

    Patient: “F*** you! I’m an adult! I’ll do what i want!”

    Me: “Sir, I understand that you don’t feel well, and I’m trying to be nice to you. So, will you please return to the ER?”

    Patient: “F*** YOU!”

    (I notify my partner of the incident and the police are called to deal with the individual. As we await the police, the patient comes back to the ER lobby and confronts the very outspoken desk clerk who has no idea what is going on.)

    Patient: “WHO SENT THAT RENT-A-COP OUTSIDE TO WATCH ME LIKE A CHILD?!”

    Desk Clerk: “Can I help you?”

    Patient: “I want to speak to the rent-a-cop who followed me to my vehicle to watch me like I’m some three-year-old! I’ll have him know that I’m very good friends with the owner of his company and I’ve been a security guard for over 10 years!”

    Desk Clerk: “Well, sir, wouldn’t that make you a rent-a-cop, too?”

    Patient: “That’s not the same!”

    (As the patient is leaving, he has one more question.)

    Patient: “Hey, man. I would like to apologize for the behavior. It was the meds talking. But I do have a question.”

    Me: “What’s that?”

    Patient: “Are y’all hiring?”


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