November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Pink Alert!

| Canada | Health & Body

(I’m working as a cashier at a clothing store. A customer brings up his purchase, and I begin to ring it through and fold it.)

Customer: “Do you have any hand sanitizer back there?”

Me: “Yes, you’re welcome to use some if you’d like.”       

Customer: “Oh, no thanks, but you should probably use some. I have pink eye and I hear it’s somewhat contagious.”

Me: “…”

Running Afoul Of The Customer

| USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant. The day before, I tripped and fell while jogging. As a result, all the skin on my knuckles, my palms, my elbows, and my right cheek is gone. I’m heavily bandaged for aesthetic and sanitary reasons. I’ve been fielding questions all day about them. A guy drives up to pay for his order.)

Customer: “Wow, what happened to you?”

Me: “I had a jogging accident.”

Customer: “A jogging accident?”

Me: “Yeah, I tripped over my own two feet and landed hard.”

Customer: “That sucks. You need a better cover story.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Tell people you fell off the back of a motorcycle. That’s so much cooler!”

Me: “…”

An Answer That Isn’t Cheating

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Health & Body

(I am at the first appointment with my new family practitioner when he asks me one of those awkward questions that you don’t expect and don’t have any idea how to answer… except you don’t want to outright lie to your doctor. So, I say the first thing that pops into my head…)

Doctor: “Have you been sexually active within the last six months?”

Me: “Uh… not with anyone else?”

Physically Hilarious

| PA, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science

(I work at a science museum, running interactive exhibits that demonstrate scientific principles, although mostly it’s just fun and games. I’m currently running an exhibit that consists of a unicycle on a track 20 feet in the air; it’s held steady by a 300-pound weight underneath it, and rides simply like a bike with an elaborate seat belt. The bike does wobble, and we’re told to warn people of that.)

Me: “Once you put your feet on those peddles, you will feel the bike sway. That’s alright; it’s supposed to happen. With the weight underneath you, there’s no possible way you’ll fall.”

Guests: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m sure. If you fall, I’m going to be way more concerned about the laws of physics breaking.”

(Surprisingly, not many guests think I’m funny.)

Not Sue-ted To Parenting

| Pasco, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m in my check-stand when I see a customer’s child is standing on the cart’s seat.)

Me: “Sir, you really shouldn’t have your child standing on the seat.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because he could fall and injure himself.”

Customer: “It’s okay. I can just sue you guys if he falls.”

(The customer then proceeded to shop with the child standing on the seat. Luckily the child didn’t fall.)