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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Trying To Engender The Gender

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (I’m at an OB/GYN clinic. This clinic has a strict policy against giving out the sex of unborn babies, though many expecting parents try to get around this rule. I am overhearing a prospective father talking to one of the doctors.)

    Prospective Father: “Tell me, Doc, is my wife gonna have a boy or a girl?”

    Doctor: “Sorry, I’m afraid I can’t tell you. It’s still hard to determine at this point.”

    Prospective Father: “Aw, come on! Don’t give me that! I know you’re just saying that because of your policy! Just please tell me if I’m gonna be having a son or a daughter!”

    Doctor: “You know the rules. Can’t tell you.”

    Prospective Father: “D*** it… Okay, then, is it all right if I asked you for your opinion on something?”

    Doctor: “Sure, what is it?”

    Prospective Father: “Well, since we’re expecting a child and all, it would be a good idea to buy all the necessities ahead of time, right? So, what colour of clothing should I buy for our baby? Blue or pink?”

    Doctor: “I think your baby would look adorable in either colour.”

    Prospective Father: “Really? Can’t you do better than that? If you HAD to pick a colour, what would you choose?”

    Doctor: “Well, if you really can’t decide between those two colours, why not just get one of each? Or mix-and-match, say a blue top and pink bottoms?”

    Prospective Father: “What if you had to pick only ONE colour?”

    Doctor: “White’s a good colour. It’s a very popular choice for baby clothes, actually.”

    Prospective Father: “Ugh, fine. I’ve got another question for you, Doc.”

    Doctor: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Prospective Father: “When you did the ultrasound, did you notice anything… different?”

    Doctor: “What do you mean by ‘different’?”

    Prospective Father: “Like, did you notice anything dangling on the baby ‘down there’?”

    Doctor: “Oh, I did notice something on your baby down there.”

    Prospective Father: “REALLY? WE’RE GONNA HAVE A BOY?”

    Doctor: “Now hold your horses, young man. I never said that. Here, let me show you. Take a good look over here on this screen. If you look over here on the right, there’s something hanging down low. In the medical field, we call that an umbilical cord.”

    Prospective Father: “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TELL ME IF IT’S A BOY OR A GIRL?!”

    Sodium And So Dum

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    Customer: “I’d like a half-pound of the [Cheap Brand] low-sodium ham, please!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have [Cheap Brand] low-sodium ham. We do have the [Premium Brand] low-sodium ham, though.”

    Customer: “No, you do have the [Cheap Brand] kind. It’s right there.”

    (She points to the Cheap Brand boiled ham, which is the lowest quality meat we sell, and is loaded with salt and fat.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid that ham isn’t low-sodium. Actually, that’s the highest-sodium ham we have.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! I’ve been eating that ham for three months because I thought it was healthy! My doctor said my blood pressure was dangerously high!”

    Me: “Um… that’s not good. Did one of the employees here tell you that ham was low-sodium?”

    Customer: “No! I just assumed it was!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you probably should have asked someone here about that.”

    Customer: “SHUT UP! IF I HAVE A HEART ATTACK IT’S YOUR FAULT!”

    Not Been Teenage For An Age

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I’m older than I look, and married. I also have my nose pierced and a couple of tattoos that show if I’m wearing a t-shirt.)

    Older Male Customer: “Do you have a boyfriend, young lady?”

    Me: “No, I’m—”

    Customer: “No wonder with all that nonsense on your arms and that hoop in your face. How do you ever expect to get a boyfriend looking like that?”

    Me: “Well, my husband doesn’t seem to mind them.”

    Customer: “Married?! You’re only a teenager.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m 25…”

    Customer: *blushes and turns away, fuming*

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m 26 but quite petite, so I often get mistaken for being a lot younger. I’m also married and seven months pregnant. I’m at a higher end department store trying on dresses. I’m just leaving the changing room with a very helpful salesgirl. The next person goes in leaving a customer and her teen daughter next in line.)

    Customer: *in a stage whisper* “See! That’s why you keep your legs closed at school. So you don’t end up buying your prom dress looking like that.”

    (Her daughter goes red as several other customers stare in disbelief.)

    Daughter: “For God’s sake, mum! Shut up!”

    Me: “Oh, no, your mum’s right. That’s exactly what my mum told me. When I was 16. 10 years ago.”

    (The customer reddens as her daughter glares at her.)

    Me: “So what I did was, I studied hard at school, went to university, and got a degree. I started my own business, bought a car, and then a house. I met my partner, dated for a couple of years, then got married. Now that we’re financially comfortable we’re having a baby. I’m not saying that’s for everyone but you don’t want to wake up one day to find you’re 50, miserable, bigoted, and rude.”

    Customer: *very embarrassed by everyone’s stares* “I’m only 42!”

    Me: “I’m sure that’s what your daughter will remember about today.”

    Related:
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 5
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    Sugar And Spice And Naughty And Nice

    | Bloomfield Hills, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Movies & TV

    Customer: *after purchasing tickets and popcorn* “And I need to get my husband a drink. Give me a bottle of water. Or… what do you have that’s not naughty?”

    Me: “Um, naughty like… ‘sex on the beach?’”

    Customer: “No. Just without any high-fructose crap. Saccharine is fine, aspartame isn’t…”

    (She begins to look at the options in our cooler as her husband, wearing a ‘live free or die’ hat, enters.)

    Customer: “Get something to drink. Something not naughty.”

    Customer’s Husband: *to me* “You got Coke products?”

    Me: “Yes. We have fountain drinks which have HFCS, and the bottled drinks are all cane sugar. So they aren’t, um, quite as naughty.”

    Customer: “Oh, he’ll just have a bottle of water.”

    Me: “Okay. So that’s two bottles of water? One for him and one for you?”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”I think I’ll have a Cherry Coke.”

    Customer: “Cherry Coke? What are you, 12?”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”We’re at a movie!”

    Customer: “But it’s NAUGHTY!”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”Fine. Make it a small.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll be in the theater while you’re getting diabetes! WITH MY WATER!”

    (I prepare the Cherry Coke for him and ring it up.)

    Me: “Live free or die, man. Here’s your drink.”

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