November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

The Vapor Has Parted

| PA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(We have a strict no smoking policy. E-cigarettes have been causing problems because they look like cigarettes from far away. We’ve been told to ask the guests to be discreet with them to prevent others thinking it’s okay to smoke but they usually get defensive and berate us anyway.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a no smoking environment. Please put that out now.”

Woman: *immediately yelling* “This is an e-cigarette! It’s not smoke! You have no right—”

Me: “I see. Ma’am, I still have to ask you to conceal it because it looks real and we can’t have people thinking it’s okay to smoke around the kids.”

Woman: “It’s not smoke! It’s vapor! You can’t do this!”

(She walks away, still yelling. A little while later she comes back.)

Woman: “I just wanted to apologize to you. You were right. I didn’t even think about what the kids would think seeing me smoking. I’m sorry.” *she walks away*

Me: *to my coworker* “I’m awake, right?”

Blowing A Lot Of Hot Air About A Lot Of Gas

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(On this particular morning, the other baristas and I have to evacuate the building due to a gas leak on an upper floor. We are outside on the patio, waiting for fire rescue to finish checking it out.)

Customer: *walks up and tries to open the locked door*

Me: “Ma’am! Please do not go in!”

Customer: *pulls on the door again* “Why not? You’re supposed to be open!”

Me: “We had to evacuate the building due to a gas leak!”

Customer: “Well, you should have put up a closed sign!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we were instructed to exit the building as fast as possible so we didn’t have time.”

(The customer leaves in a huff. Two hours later, after we have reopened:)

Customer: “I can’t believe I had to come back because you guys were closed this morning!”

Me: “…Sorry. Again, we had to evacuate the building so we didn’t die.”

Customer: “Hmph!”

Pink Alert!

| Canada | Health & Body

(I’m working as a cashier at a clothing store. A customer brings up his purchase, and I begin to ring it through and fold it.)

Customer: “Do you have any hand sanitizer back there?”

Me: “Yes, you’re welcome to use some if you’d like.”       

Customer: “Oh, no thanks, but you should probably use some. I have pink eye and I hear it’s somewhat contagious.”

Me: “…”

Running Afoul Of The Customer

| USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant. The day before, I tripped and fell while jogging. As a result, all the skin on my knuckles, my palms, my elbows, and my right cheek is gone. I’m heavily bandaged for aesthetic and sanitary reasons. I’ve been fielding questions all day about them. A guy drives up to pay for his order.)

Customer: “Wow, what happened to you?”

Me: “I had a jogging accident.”

Customer: “A jogging accident?”

Me: “Yeah, I tripped over my own two feet and landed hard.”

Customer: “That sucks. You need a better cover story.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Tell people you fell off the back of a motorcycle. That’s so much cooler!”

Me: “…”

An Answer That Isn’t Cheating

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Health & Body

(I am at the first appointment with my new family practitioner when he asks me one of those awkward questions that you don’t expect and don’t have any idea how to answer… except you don’t want to outright lie to your doctor. So, I say the first thing that pops into my head…)

Doctor: “Have you been sexually active within the last six months?”

Me: “Uh… not with anyone else?”