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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    Just Got Bumped Despite The Bump

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I am 9-months pregnant and just opening the door to the restroom as a patron taps me on the shoulder.)

    Patron: “Excuse me. Is this the ladies room?”

    Me: “Sorry. This is a single use stall, but we have restroom facilities in the main lobby.”

    Patron: “Great. That’s not too far for you to walk.”

    (The patron steps around me into the bathroom and slams the door in my face.)

    Only Slipping On The Truth

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (It is about 11 pm in a grocery store. I am the supervisor on duty. It is just me, cleaning the customer service counter, and one cashier working a register. An elderly customer ambles up to the checkout lane.)

    Cashier: “Hey, ma’am. How are you tonight?”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m just- AHHHHHHHH!” *waves her arms dramatically and hops backwards.* “Oh, my gosh, honey. There’s a HUGE puddle of water there! Oh, I slipped. I think I hurt something! Oh, my hip!”

    Cashier: “Really? Are you okay?”

    Customer: “Oww, my hip! Oh, I think I strained something! Get me your manager right now!”

    (The cashier pages the manager to the register.)

    Manager: “Oh, my goodness, ma’am. What happened?!”

    Customer: “There was a huge puddle of water! I slipped and I hurt my back! Oh, gosh. It hurts!”

    Manager: *to cashier, who is wiping the floor with paper towels that are remaining suspiciously dry* “Ring up her groceries for me, please.” *to the customer* “Here, ma’am. Have a seat. Please, tell me exactly what happened.”

    Customer: “Oh, there was all this water, and I slipped like this.”

    (The customer makes exaggerated lunges, trying to demonstrate how she fell.)

    Customer: “Oh, it was awful. My hip hurts! Oh, I threw out my back! Oh, it hurts!”

    (The customer makes more movements an injured person would be quite incapable of making.)

    Customer: “I’ll be contacting my lawyer!”

    Manager: “I see. Here’s my store and my personal information. Please give me yours as well, and we’ll be in touch. I’m terribly sorry about this. I hope you make it home alright.”

    (The customer ambles out to her car, shouting ‘oh, my back!’ the entire way.)

    Manager: “I need written statements from both of you. Good thing we have this on camera.”

    Cashier: “Do you think she’ll sue?”

    Manager: “I hope so. I’m putting her a** in jail if she does.”

    Should Take A Brake From Driving

    | Kennewick, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (Whenever we have a child that seems to be too short to ride the go-karts, we tell the parents we need to size them on one of the karts. Doing so with her mother watching over my shoulder, this little girl is barely too short to press the brake pedal hard enough.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. She’s not quite tall enough. She can reach the gas, but can’t press the brakes hard enough.”

    Mother: “So…?”

    Me: “I can’t let her ride.”

    Mother: “But she can press the pedals. Yes?”

    Me: “Yes, but she can’t press the brake pedal hard enough to engage it. It takes a bit of pressure.”

    Mother: “So why can’t she go? If she can press the pedals, then she can make the kart go.”

    Me: “Yes… but she couldn’t get the brakes to work.”

    Mother: “But she can go! So what if she doesn’t press the brakes enough?”

    Me: “…she won’t be able to slow or stop without them.”

    Mother: “Oh! That’s what that does?”

    Santa Will Know Who’s Nicer Than Nice

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Holidays, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I work in a party store. I am serving an eight-year-old customer.)

    Eight-Year-Old: “Can I see your Christmas decorations? I need to get special Christmas decorations.”

    Me: “Sure you can. Is there something special you want to get, little guy?”

    Eight-Year-Old: “I want to get a pretty tree with ornaments, and stockings, and presents, and Christmas lights! It’s for my neighbor.”

    Me: “That’s a lot to get for your neighbor, sweetheart. Why do you need all of that?”

    Eight-Year-Old: “Their daddy died. They don’t have Christmas this year, so I wanted to give it to them. I even got $100 from my mom to do it.”

    Me: *on the verge of tears* “That’s very generous of you. Tell you what, let’s pick out some stockings and a tree. Then I’ll talk to my manager to see what we can do about some toys. How many kids does your neighbor have?”

    Eight-Year-Old: “Three. [Name] is my best friend. I’m going to give him my presents for Christmas. I asked Santa to bring him an XBox, too, but Santa might be busy. So I’m going to give him my XBox.”

    Me: “I’m sure, in this case, Santa will be listening very hard.”

    (I help him pick out some special decorations and a tree. I ask my manager what we can do. Apparently, the boy’s mother has told my manager about the neighbor’s husband having passed away a few weeks ago in a bad accident, leaving the wife to support their family. We do a special discount of 50% off everything. We even donate some bulk bags of toys and stockings. By this time, we’re trying not to cry. On their way out, the mother thanks us.)

    Mother: “He doesn’t know it, but both he and his best friend are getting an XBox for Christmas. He’s only eight and he wanted to give them everything. He even demanded we have them over for Christmas day. He is adamant they’re going to have a Christmas, no matter what.”

    Needs Glasses To See The Irony

    | Cornwall, England, UK | Health & Body

    (I work for a large chain opticians. One of our main competitors has a store three doors down.)

    Customer: “I have an appointment. My name is [Name].”

    Me: “Can I take your date of birth as well. I can’t seem to find your name on screen.”

    Customer: “It’s [date]. I know I have an appointment in five minutes with Mr. [Name].”

    Me: “We don’t have anyone here with that name and I can’t find you in our customer list. Are you sure the appointment isn’t with [Competitor]?”

    Customer: “Just because I need the test doesn’t make me blind! I know where my appointment is and I have the card to prove it!”

    (The customer throws his appointment card on the desk. It becomes immediately clear that he is supposed to be three doors down.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, Mr [Name]. That is [Competitor]’s card. You need to go there.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that. I know where I am! Just because you’ve redecorated in the last week doesn’t mean you can pull the wool over my eyes.”

    Me: “I assure you, sir. You are in [My Opticians’]. This happens all the time.”

    Customer: “No! I want to speak to your manager! How dare you refuse to see me! I’ve been a customer of Mr [Name]‘s for years and—”

    (The customer looks closely at my uniform and the large logo on my shirt.)

    Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me I was in the wrong place? I’m going to be late because of you!” *runs out*


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