Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

Doctor’s Disorders

| ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

Me: “Thank you for calling pediatrics, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yeah, I saw my doctor today and she recommended I use lotrimin on my daughter’s yeast infection diaper rash but I’m at the store and the bottle says not to use on children under two except under the advice of a doctor. So I’m not sure what to do now…”

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 9

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(I am a cashier with a long line of customers. Note: the store I work at requires us to wear an apron.)

Customer: “Look at you! When are you due?”

Me: “I’m not pregnant.”

(Awkward pause as I continue ringing through her items.)

Customer “Are you sure? Sometimes you can be pregnant and not know it.”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. I am not pregnant.”

Customer: “Well, I think you are pregnant. You should go get a test because I know you are pregnant.”

Me: “Trust me, I am really not pregnant.”

Customer: “Maybe you are and you’re just in denial.”

Me: “No. I am NOT pregnant!”

Customer: “But you could—”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not pregnant; I am just fat.”

Customer: “…”

Me: *finishes transaction* “Thank you and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Congratulations on the baby!”

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 8
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 7
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6

Dropping The Change You Want To See In The World

| Berkeley, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m ringing up a frail, elderly customer who is having a hard time getting her money out, when she drops a quarter onto the floor. She turns to the customer behind her in line, who is in her late 30s.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, do you mind helping me pick that up?”

(Customer #2 sighs, but bends down and picks it up for her.)

Customer #1: “Thank you so much.”

(I continue ringing her up, when she drops a coin again.)

Customer #1: *again to Customer #2* “I’m so sorry, do you mind helping me again?”

Customer #2: “Okay, but if this keeps happening, maybe you should ask somebody else.”

Customer #1: “I’m sorry; I have arthritis and—”

Customer #2: “Yeah, well, I have my own problems, lady.”

Me: *speechless*

Not The Most Piercing Observation

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(A lady has come in to get her tongue pierced. At the moment, she has been looking at jewelry while our lead piercer sterilizes her jewelry.)

Customer: “You guys have a lot of jewelry on sale!”

Me: “We certainly do. We switched to implant grade titanium and these pieces were left from before the switch.”

Customer: “That’s cool! I just don’t understand how someone could wear this piece. I feel like they would bite it.”

Me: “We’ve never had that problem. Mainly because it’s a belly button ring. “

Making Room For Error

| Caddo Valley, AR, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(It’s almost two am and I am about to start running the night audit when my manager, who stays on the property, calls the front desk.)

Manager: *sounding alarmed* “There’s a guy in our room. He says he can’t find his room. Can you look him up in the computer?”

Me: “Uh… okay.”

(She gives me the man’s name, and I check the computer, but he is not one of our listed guests. I explain this, and she tells me that she’ll send her husband down with the errant guest. A few minutes later, the husband comes in with a man who seems disoriented and smells so strongly of alcohol that I notice it from behind the desk.)

Customer: “…Yeah, my wife checked in, and now I can’t find my room! So I just went around and tried opening doors.”

Me: “Oookay. What’s your wife’s name?”

Customer: “[Name]. Or she might be under [Other Name]. I don’t know. Can you hurry up? I just want to go to sleep.”

(The manager’s husband and I exchange looks. Both he and his wife are sick, and have work at seven in the morning. I’m surprised they didn’t just call the cops when they found a strange man in their room. After about twenty minutes, we manage to explain that there is no record of either the man or his wife checking into our hotel.)

Customer: “Well, sh***! I know it was this hotel! Maybe she checked out and left me?”

Me: “No, sir. Nobody’s checked out since this afternoon.”

Customer: “What am I supposed to do now? I don’t wanna sleep in my car!”

Manager’s Husband: “You know what? You can always rent another room tonight, and we’ll sort this out in the morning.”

Customer: “But I don’t wanna spend any more money!”

Manager’s Husband: *red-eyed and fed up, but still smiling* “Well, you can’t stay with us!”

(Eventually, we persuaded him to check into a room, and he went there to sleep off his hangover. When I came in to work the next night, I found out that he disappeared without a word during the day. We figured he went to the local drinking spot, got blitzed, and ended up at the wrong hotel. We never figured out how he got into the manager’s room, though!)

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