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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    His Humor Is A Bit Rusty

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, One-Liners

    (A patient arrives at the reception desk with some paperwork.)

    Patient: “So, what do I do with this?”

    Me: “This is for some bloodwork. You need to take it to the lab, but you need to have been fasting. That means you can’t eat or drink anything but water for 12 hours before you get your blood drawn.”

    Patient: “Oh, I never drink water. It makes me rust!”

    (The patient then walks away like a robot going ‘squeak, squeak.’ Thank you, sir, for making me laugh! I’d had a crazy day and really needed it!)

    Crazily Honest

    | USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (The store I work at is about a block from a mental health services office. We often see their clients in the store and know that some can be a bit eccentric.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you today?”

    Customer: “Not bad for a crazy guy but as long as I take my meds, I’m okay.”

    Me: “Well, there’s something to be said for honesty…”

    Some Customers Will Even Pull Your Hair Out For You

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I am trying to fix the printer on a self-check out machine. I am a girl with long hair pulled back in tight braids and a bun. A loop of hair has snagged on a lag screw on the raised portion of the screen.)

    Me: *calling coworker on the phone* “Hey, I got myself stuck in the self-check. Can you come help me?”

    Coworker: “Sure.”

    (A customer pulls up to her station with a large order. I can’t see her and she can’t see me, so I wait patiently, bent completely over.)

    Customer: *walks up to me* “Can you check these out for me?”

    (The customer hands me a bunch of bolts.)

    Me: “I would be happy to, sir, just as soon as I get unstuck from this machine.”

    Customer: “Have you called anyone to help you yet?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. She should be here in a moment.”

    (There is a very long awkward pause, while the customer just stands there looking at me.)

    Customer: “Well….she’s not here yet. I guess I could help ya out.”

    Me: “I would appreciate that. Thanks!”

    (The customer proceeds to yank violently on my hair. A few strands come completely out of my head. Finally, the loop of hair comes off the lag screw.)

    Customer: “There. Will you ring me out now?”

    Turning Them Red With Purple

    | VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I’m in the shopping centre queuing up to buy something. My hair is dyed bright purple for ‘World’s Greatest Shave.’ There are two customers in line behind me.)

    Customer #1: “Teenagers these days. Dying their hair so they can ‘stand out.’ Well, they just look ridiculous.”

    Customer #2: “I know! How on earth do their parents let them do this?”

    (I turn around.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but I have dyed my hair for the ‘World’s Greatest Shave’ because my younger brother has leukemia. My whole family either have shaved their heads or dyed their hair for support. I have not dyed my hair to ‘stand out.’ I have dyed it so I can contribute in helping those in need.”

    (The two customers turned red and hurried out of the queue into another line.)   

    Total Nincompoop

    | Russellville, AR, USA | Health & Body

    (I work in a restaurant as a teenager. The restroom is crowded and I’m in a stall when all leave except two young girls. Girl #1 is in a stall and Girl #2 is waiting by the sinks.)

    Girl #1: “Is everyone gone?”

    Girl #2: *apparently hasn’t noticed me* “Yeah, they left.”

    Girl #1: “Oh good. Now I can poop.”

    (I take that as my cue to flush and wash my hands, trying not to laugh at the sudden awkward silence. As I open the door to leave I say:)

    Me: “Okay. Now you can poop.”

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