October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Health & Body

Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

A Card-Carrying Member Of The Idiot Club

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

Me: “Will this be everything?”

Customer: “Yes.” *watches as I pick up each item, handle it to turn it over, scan it and place it in a bag*

Me: “Your total is [total]. You can slide your card now, right there.”

Customer: *slides card*

Me: “Oh, is it credit? May I see the card?”

Customer: *holds the card in front of my face and waves it back and forth, so I can’t see it*

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “You can SEE it, but you can’t touch it.” *patronizing smile* “That’s how GERMS get passed around.”

Me: “Well, can you hold it still for just a moment?”

Customer: “I don’t want to catch anything…” *holds card still… and continues lecturing about germs*

Me: “Okay, now you just sign there on the pin pad and hit ‘Done.'”

Customer: “You have to be very careful!” *grabs pin pad and attached pen (which has, by that afternoon, been handled by hundreds of people)* “I never let anyone touch my cards!”

Not In Good Insurance Company, Part 2

MN, USA | Health & Body, Money

(I work in the business office of a specialized eye care clinic. We often get calls from people who are confused by their statements, since we switched to a new system halfway through the year. )

Me: “[Business], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I’m calling about the bill I received. I already paid this, and you fools are still charging me!”

Me: “Let me take a look at your account. Can I have your name, please?”

(She gives me the name of the account, and I pull it up in my system.)

Me: “It looks like the bill is due to an office visit that was done in November; the insurance company did not cover the whole cost.”

Woman: “See, that’s the thing, you idiot. I wasn’t supposed to have that visit. I just needed a referral, and the stupid doctor forced me to come in. I don’t think I should have to pay.”

Me: “Well, it does look like a full exam was done, and so you would need to pay for services that you received.”

Woman: “Are you a f****** r****d? I just said that I shouldn’t have to pay for it because I didn’t want to come in! Jesus, I can’t believe how stupid you people are! The damn doctor made me come in to get my damn referral, and I shouldn’t have to pay because he just wants to make more money off him. Reverse the charges right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but from what I’m able to see, it does look like services were performed, and not just a referral. I’ll need to check with my supervisor and the doctor to see what we can do.”

(I explain the situation to my supervisor, and we both go talk to the doctor. I tell him what’s going on, and give him the name. He sighs.)

Doctor: “Obviously she thinks I don’t remember the visit, but I do. She skipped four visits in a row, so I didn’t know she needed a referral until she finally came back in and I checked her out. Tell her to send a check in and pay us, for God’s sake.”

Me: *I call the woman back, to tell her the outcome* “So, I did speak to the doctor and my supervisor, and that visit will need to be paid for, as the doctor was not able to refer you until he could examine your eyes.”

Woman: “Well, I suppose I’ll arrange for some money to be sent in. But I’m going to tell my insurance company about you and your ways!”

Not In Good Insurance Company

Hit The Nail On The Head

| VA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(A couple of months ago, the replacement crown on my front tooth fell off as I was habitually biting on one of my fingernails. I set up an appointment for the next day to get it replaced.)

Assistant: “So, what were you doing when it fell out?”

Me: “Well, I was biting my nail…”

(I look over and see a look of horror on the woman’s face. I’m very aware that a lot of people find this habit disgusting, and she was elderly, so I just assumed it was a combination of the two.)

Me: “I know. I know. It’s a bad habit…”

Assistant: “Why would you do that?!”

Me: “…I’m sorry? It’s just biting my nails.”

(I lift up my thumb to my mouth and making a biting motion, and she sighs in relief.)

Assistant: “You mean your FINGER nails! Oh, thank goodness.”

Me: “What did you think I meant?”

Assistant: “NAILS. Like you hit with a hammer.”

Me: “WHAT?! Why would anyone just be biting on nails?”

Assistant: “We get a lot of people…”

A-Salt-ed By Stupidity

GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I manage a large fast food chain that uses sea salt on their French fries. A customer orders her fries with no salt.)

Me: *handing her order to her* “Here’s your order. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “There’s no salt on these fries, right? I hope so. I’m allergic to salt!”

Me: *staring blankly* “Ma’am, do you want me to remake your burger then? We salt the patties. In fact, there is salt on everything that goes on your sandwich.”

Customer: “No. I’m only allergic to sea salt.”

Me: “You do realize that they’re both just sodium chloride, right? In fact, table salt has iodine added and is usually bleached, so if you had an allergy it would be more apt to be…”

Customer: *cutting me off* “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t have! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” *grabs ketchup packets and storms out*

Me: *I grab a ketchup pack and begin reading packet ingredients to a coworker* “…tomato paste… corn syrup… sea salt… Huh, would you look at that. They put sea salt in the ketchup.”

Coworker: “Yeah, do you know what the clinical term is for someone who is allergic to salt?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Coworker: “Dead.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 6

, | San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a combo number three, please.”

Me: “Okay, what size would you like that combo?”

Customer: “No tomatoes! I’m extremely allergic to tomatoes!”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I’ll personally ensure there are no tomatoes on your sandwich. Now, what size did you want your combo?”

Customer: “Eh, medium, I guess. Oh! Can I get extra ketchup on that?”

Me: “…Sir, ketchup is made from tomatoes.”

Customer: “Yeah, and?”

Me: “Sir, you’re allergic to tomatoes.”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s why I ordered it without tomatoes!”

Me: “But, you want extra ketchup—”

Customer: *interrupts, but still clueless* “Yeah!”

Me: “Which is made from tomatoes…”

Customer: “…”

(I gave him his total, he paid, and I served him his sandwich exactly as he ordered it.)

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 5

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