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    Category: Health & Body

    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    A Boy For All Seasons

    | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m taking a four-year-old boy back for a check up. He seems a little nervous so I’m talking to him to make him calm down a little bit. Note: the Broncos are playing in the play-offs.)

    Me: “Is it still snowing outside? You look like you’re freezing!”

    Kid: “Uh-huh, I don’t like the cold!”

    Me: “Aw, that’s too bad. I love the cold. I love it when it’s winter! What’s your favorite season?”

    Kid: “Post-season!”

    Me: “Huh, what? Can you name the four seasons?”

    Kid: “Duh! Pre-season, regular season, post-season and off-season! The Broncos made it to post-season! YAY!”

    (Little guy sure showed me! And wasn’t nervous for the rest of his visit.)

    Playing The Roll Of The Manager

    | Branson, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I have a project due that requires me to dress up really nicely and give a presentation. It goes very well, so my husband decides to take me out to lunch right after the class. I am still dressed up really nicely. The entire time my husband and I have sat at the table, an older man keeps looking at me and shuffling in his seat but I ignore it. I get up to go to the bathroom and when I come out, I find him standing outside the ladies’ room.)

    Old Man: *still doing a little shuffle* “You’re out of toilet paper.”

    Me: “What?”

    Old Man: *getting upset* “You’re out of toilet paper in the men’s room!”

    Me: “Uh… I don’t work here. You should find an employee.”

    Old Man: *getting more upset* “But you look like you’re the manager! You sure you can’t get some toilet paper in there? I have to go, but I didn’t want to interrupt your break. But, I really have to go and I shouldn’t have to wait on you to do my business!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I really don’t work here. I just had a big presentation at school today. Again, find an employee and I’m sure they’ll help you.”

    Old Man: “BUT YOU LOOK LIKE THE MANAGER!”

    (Finally after his outburst, the ACTUAL manager came over, asking what was going on. I explained my side and the old man blamed me for the lack of toilet paper! The real manager quickly replaced the toilet paper and even gave me and my husband a free appetizer on the house for our trouble. The old man glared at me throughout the rest of my meal, but hey, free appetizer!)

    Baby Boa

    | PA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a pet store in a large shopping mall. We sell pets and supplies. The customer in question is a well dressed woman in her late twenties.)

    Customer: “Do you sell rabbits?”

    Me: “Not year long; they are a seasonal item.”

    Customer: “Do you have any large rats or guinea pigs? I need to feed my snake and it is quite large.”

    Me: “Well, we do have some rats. Let me show them to you.”

    (I take the customer over to the enclosure with the rats.)

    Me: “Will any of these do?”

    Customer: “Well they are a little small. I will just buy two of them. The snake is probably really hungry since he escaped for a while and we just found him.”

    Me: “I am glad you got him back safe and sound. Was he gone for long?”

    Customer: “Yes he was missing for quite a while. In fact, he hasn’t even met the baby yet.”

    (I don’t know if it ever occurred to her that a missing snake large enough to eat a full grown rabbit could be a danger to her infant child!)

    Not Chickening Out Of Saying The Right Thing

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (I am waiting in line at a local place that’s known mostly for its hot dogs and unbelievably spicy buffalo wings. All of a sudden a customer comes storming into the place, literally shoves several people aside from the line and slams a take-out container on the counter.)

    Customer: “I DEMAND TO TALK TO THE OWNER RIGHT NOW!”

    (The man behind the counter working the fryers and grills turn around.)

    Owner: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I didn’t say some stupid fry cook. I said the owner of this place, the woman!”

    Owner: *points up to the wall of pictures she’s standing next to* “That would be me in every one of those ceremonies and events up there. This place is called [Restaurant] because I named it after my daughter. Now, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “You tried to POISON ME! I ordered the veggie bites and the fried cauliflower, and there was CHICKEN IN THERE!”

    Owner: “Oh! I’m terribly sorry ma’am. There must have been some kind of accident. I would be happy to replace—”

    Customer: “OHHHH, no. I’m not letting you off that easily. I could have DIED! I want some kind of compensation!”

    (After witnessing this overreaction from the customer, I have had enough:)

    Me: “All right, I’m sick of this. You storm in, shove three people out of the way including an older woman half your size, you insult the owner of the place to his face, he STILL offers to replace your food, and then you demand he give you more money back!?”

    Customer: “I COULD HAVE DIED!”

    Me: “Not unless you’re the first reported case of CHICKEN ALLERGIES, or you just swallow everything whole and can crush broccoli on the way down but not a chicken nugget! Let it go, python-lady!”

    (At this point the rest of the people there burst out laughing, including most of the staff. The customer storms out.)

    Owner: “THANK YOU! I don’t like being rude to customers no matter what, but she was totally out of line! What were you getting? It’s on the house.”

    Me: “Ah, don’t worry about it. I just better not find any fried cauliflower in my chicken nuggets!”

    The Situation Has All Gone Pear-Shaped

    | Basingstoke, England, UK | Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I’m assisting an older customer trying to find some nice shrugs to cover her arms when she wears strappy dresses. I have found her a few and, for some reason, we have changed topic to women’s shapes.)

    Me: “So, there are five general different shapes.”

    Customer: “Five?”

    Me: “Yup! Straight: where you’re equal measurements across the board, strawberry or top heavy: where your shoulders (or breasts) are the largest part of you, apple: where your waist is the biggest part, pear: where your hips are the widest and the hourglass: where your top is in proportion to your hips.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m a small hourglass as my shoulders are in line with my hips. You must be too!”

    Me: “Oh no, I’m pear-shaped. My hips are easily the widest part of me; my top half is a lot narrower.”

    Customer: “Oh… you look in proportion though. Oh! Probably because you have big boobs!”

    Me: “Er… thanks. Anyway, was there anything else you were looking for?”

    (I help the customer and check her out.)

    Customer: “Thanks for your help, Big Boobs!”

    Me: “You’re welcome. Bye!”

    (There’s a small pause.)

    Manager: “Good job, Big Boobs.”


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