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    Stupid customers in stories are bad enough. However, dealing with a customer’s health issues may be hazardous to your own health! Please consult your doctor before continuing.

    An Epidemic Of Stupidity

    , | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Holidays

    (I work for a company that sells emergency preparedness gear, including gas masks, chemical suits, and other disaster response equipment. Any time there’s a disaster or terrorist attack, our sales go through the roof by ‘preppers’ and other panicking individuals. Recently, there’s been an Ebola epidemic with the first cases occurring in the United States; thousands of orders have been coming in and those who ordered entire sets of equipment are backlogged at least a month.)

    Customer: “I’m checking on an order. I was charged but haven’t seen any shipping info yet. I placed it 7-10 days ago.”

    Me: “And did you order any gas masks or full sets of equipment?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure. I ordered a suit. For Halloween.”

    Me: *thinking such a small order should have been finished, I pull up his information* “Sir, you didn’t order just a suit, you ordered an entire protective kit… mask, filter, suit, gloves, boots, etc.”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s a minimum one month delay on protective gear right now due to high order volume.”

    Customer: “So, you mean I won’t have it for Halloween?”

    Me: “No, sir. There is a panic epidemic going on and you were one of thousands who’ve been ordering these products.”

    Customer: “Wow. I had no idea. So there’s no way I’m going to get a protective suit by Halloween?”

    Me: “Sir, the entire industry is wiped clean. GLOBALLY. It will take them months to get back up to speed.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should really let people know when there’s an epidemic going on, so we know there’ll be delays.”

    Not A Regular Response

    | TX, USA | Health & Body, Movies & TV

    (I’m at the ticket booth ordering my ticket for the movie. I happen to be 57 years old.)

    Me: “One for [Movie], please.”

    Ticketer: “Senior or regular?”

    Me: “Uh, ummm… uh… regular.”

    Ticketer: “Seven dollars, please.”

    Me: “You know, when you ask a senior if he’s regular that has a different meaning. I may be a senior but I’m regular.”

    Ticketer: *smiles*

    Going Too H2-Slow

    | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work at a gym that’s rather expensive, so all of the clients are rather well off. I’m a lifeguard year round, since they have both an indoor and an outdoor pool.)

    Woman: “Hi. The indoor pool is too cold. My child is absolutely freezing.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can provide your child with warm towels directly from the dryer if he needs to be warmed up quickly.”

    Woman: “No, I just need you to heat up the pool. ”

    Me: “The pool is heated, ma’am, but unfortunately, we can’t directly control the temperature of the pool.”

    Woman: *getting angry* “What do you mean you can’t control it?! Just pour a bunch of hot water in it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are almost half a million gallons of water in this pool. We couldn’t possibly get enough water to meet your demands.”

    Woman: “Well, you’re not doing your job, then. I’ll be speaking to your manager!” *storms off in a fit of pretentious rage*

    Smooth Out The Allergy Situation

    | KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Hiya! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to exchange this peanut butter.”

    (She hands me the peanut butter and the receipt.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. Any reason? Is it bad?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not bad. It’s just that it’s the chunky kind, and I need creamy.”

    Me: “Oh! Well, if you want to go grab the one you want, I’ll get you fixed up and on your way!”

    (She goes and gets the creamy peanut butter and comes back. I check the prices and hand her the right one.)

    Me: “All righty, you’re all set! Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *laughs* “I can’t believe I picked this up. I can’t have the one with the chunks in it. I’m allergic to peanuts!”

    (She walked off and my manager and I exchanged very confused glances.)

    Needs A Prescription Of Common Sense

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the mail order branch of a popular pharmacy chain. On my way to work I stop by a local retail branch of the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I happen to be wearing a company t-shirt which, while having the variant of the company name used by the mail order branch, is nothing at all like the uniforms worn by retail employees nor is it at all professional-looking. A woman comes up next to me while I’m waiting at the pharmacy counter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where are allergy medicines?”

    Me: *looking around* “Over there, I think.”

    Customer: “What, don’t you know where things are in your own store?”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. I actually work at [Mail Order Branch] on [Road].”

    Customer: “Oh, ok. So, which kind is safest for my son to use?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Which allergy medicine is safest for my son? He’s ten.”

    Me: “You would really have to ask a pharmacist.”

    Customer: “But you said you work for [Company].”

    Me: “I just package orders. I’m not a pharmacist.”

    Customer: “So why are you at the pharmacy counter?”

    Me: “I’m picking up a prescription…”

    Customer: “So you can stand here but you can’t help a customer?”

    (The pharmacy tech tells me my prescription is ready. I get it and pay, all while the woman stares at me. As I walk away the tech notices the woman standing behind me.)

    Pharmacy Tech: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Apparently no one else around here can!”

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