Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
    (1,800 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Geography

    You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

    Has A Vocation For Location

    | Rochester, NY, USA | Geography, Top

    (I work in a very high end grocery store, with many rich customers. I approach a lost-looking customer.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “I doubt it; the last time I shopped here no one could help me find a d*** thing!”

    Me: “Sorry about that, sir. I know where everything is, and I’m sure I can help you if you’d like.”

    Customer: *sarcastic* “Oh really, you know where everything is?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Pickles?”

    Me: “Aisle 16B.”

    Customer: “Note cards.”

    Me: “17.”

    Customer: “Anchovies.”

    Me: “16B again.”

    Customer: “Batteries.”

    Me: “Next to register one.”

    (This rapid fire Q&A goes on for five more minutes. I never mess up.)

    Customer: “Alright smart guy, where are the shores of Tripoli?”

    Me: “Libya.”

    Customer: “Wow, I was just trying to throw you off there. How did you know that off the top of your head?”

    Me: “I told you; I know where everything is.”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 6
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    Inferior Knowledge On Lake Superior

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I work at a movie theatre in a museum which specializes in showing documentary features. We currently have one about the Great Lakes.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! What’s the next movie about?”

    Me: “Well, it’s mostly about the attempts to re-introduce sturgeon into the rivers surrounding the Great Lakes and—”

    Customer: “Well yeah, but which Great Lakes?”

    Me: “Um… all of them.”

    Customer: “No, WHICH GREAT LAKES? Like, the ones in Canada, or the ones in America?”

    Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure they’re the same lakes.”

    Customer: “No no no, there are the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America. They’re different.”

    Me: “Well, I think the border runs through most of them—”

    Customer: “Who would put a national border in the middle of lake? Honestly, you’d think they’d teach you something about the movies you play here.”

    That’s Natch The Way You Say It

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Funny Names, Geography, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “How do I get to ‘Natchy-toe-chess?’”

    Me: “It’s pronounced ‘Nak-a-tesh,’ and it’s a straight shot from here.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow. I was way off, wasn’t I?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What about that ‘Provencial’ place I saw on a sign?”

    Me: “It’s ‘Prahv-en-saw.’”

    Customer: “Wow. Then I suppose the name of this town isn’t ‘Robe-line?’”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s ‘Ro-buh-lean.’”

    Customer: “Next year I’m going on vacation in Texas. None of the places there have such weird names!”

    Lightning Fast Sarcasm

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

    Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

    Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

    Guest: “And when will that be?”

    Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

    Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

    Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

    Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

    No Vocation For Location, Part 6

    | Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a South African, working at a hotel restaurant in Israel. The establishment has both servers and guests from all over the world. Generally people are interested in finding out where people are from and why they’re here. One day I am clearing a table for an American couple.)

    Me: “Shalom! I hope you enjoyed your meal. May I take your plates?”

    Husband: “Yes, please. It was great.”

    Wife: “Hey, you sound weird. Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from South Africa.”

    Wife: “Really?! South Africa… where is that?”

    Me: “Err…”

    Husband: *embarrassed* “Honey, it’s in Africa. If you look at a map, it’s right down at the bottom.”

    Wife: “Oh…” *blank look* “Oh! Kangaroos, right?”

    Husband: “Err…” *looks at me apologetically*

    Me: *just smiles* “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay!”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4


    Page 9/24First...7891011...Last