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    Category: Geography

    You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

    Way South Of Average Intelligence

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I am a light-skinned South African living in the United States. I occasionally get to perform my own music in a local hip-hop-oriented bar. I try to keep my lyrics clean of profanities, which is unusual for this audience.)

    Bar Patron #1: “It’s nice to hear some clean hip-hop here for a change.”

    Me: “Thanks. I just don’t see the need for me to swear, since most of my songs are about partying and that sort of light stuff.”

    Bar Patron #2: “Usually with the people who perform here, it’s ‘n-word this’, and ‘n-word that’.”

    Me: *laughing* “Can you imagine, a white South African using that word a whole bunch of times?”

    Bar Patron #2: “I know you could do that if you wanted to, since your country is run by African-Americans and all, but it’s nice that you don’t.”

    Me: “… Oh boy.”

    Foiled His Plans

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Math & Science

    Customer: “I need some paint for my trailer.”

    Me: “Okay. What material is it made from? I’m assuming metal?”

    Customer: “No. It’s aluminum.”

    Me: “Aluminum is a kind of metal, sir.”

    Customer: “No, it isn’t! Aluminum doesn’t come from underground!”

    Common Knowledge Has Deserted You

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, History, Tourists/Travel

    (We get a lot of people from different countries or other states who know nothing about Texas.)

    Tourist: “So is the Alamo like out in the desert or something?”

    Me: “Oh, have ya’ll not been downtown yet? It’s pretty much smack dab in the middle of the city.”

    Tourist: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “It’s not like in the movie. The city has grown around it,. It’s actually one of the more boring missions that’s pretty much completely covered by urban sprawl. I you want to see more traditional missions you should try San Jose or the other ones in the National Park areas.”

    (They’re silent for awhile while I guess they’re having trouble with the term ‘missions.’)

    Tourist: “Where’s your desert, anyway?”

    Me: “Um… Like, 400 miles west of here?”

    Tourist: “So, we’re not in Texas yet?”

    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 4

    | Cheyenne, WY, USA | Bigotry, Geography, Language & Words

    (My family lives in a predominantly Caucasian town. We are half-Korean and half-Caucasian, but we were born in the US. While shopping with my sister, we are approached by an elderly lady and her younger friend.)

    Elderly Customer: “Where are the cotton balls?”

    Me: “I do not work for the store, but my sister and I can walk you to the display of cotton balls.”

    Elderly Customer: “When did you come to the country? Your English is so good!”

    (I answer with a smile, since I get asked this all the time.)

    Me: “Well, actually, we were both born and raised here in this very town. Our father met our mother while he was stationed in Korea for the Air Force. We’re first-generation American on our mother’s side, but our father is from Kansas. Our family actually owns a ‘century farm’ there.”

    (The elderly customer looks puzzled and her friend offers us an apology)

    Customer’s Friend: “Sorry. I don’t know what is wrong with her today.”

    My Sister: “It’s okay. Many people assume we aren’t American. We just correct them. It’s the nice thing to do.”

    Elderly Customer: “You people are always so nice! Orientals are the nicest people, aren’t they? And you have such pretty skin and hair, too. Isn’t Chinese food the best? Those people are so nice at the restaurant, but you must know them since they’re Oriental, too!”

    Customer’s Friend: *turning red* “They said they are American and they aren’t even Chinese!” *to us* “I am so sorry about all of this! Thank you for helping us find the cotton balls.”

    (My sister and I smile at her and bid them both a nice day. As they walk away, the elderly customer turns back, smiles at us, and yells out with her hands open:)

    Elderly Customer: “Welcome to America!”

    Related:
    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 3
    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 2

    Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms, Part 2

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

    (I’ve lived in New Jersey all my life, but had moved to Missouri roughly two months ago. I’m managing the fitting rooms in our store when a husband and wife approach me.)

    Husband: “Ma’am, do you think you can help my wife find something?”

    Me: “Oh! Of course! What were you looking for?”

    (The couple stares at me in shock for a few seconds.)

    Husband: “Where are you from? You have a very strange accent.”

    Me: “I just moved out here from Jersey.”

    Wife: “That’s in Europe, right?”

    Me: “Er… no. I mean New Jersey. The state.”

    Husband: “Oh, so you’re from Eastern Europe?”

    Me: “No, sir. The East Coast of the United States.”

    Husband: “Was New Jersey one of those Soviet countries?”

    Wife: “It must have been. You poor dear, living under such oppression. Welcome to America! Your English really is excellent!”

    Me: “Uh… thanks. What was it you were looking for?”

    Wife: “Oh, I’ll get someone else to help me. I really dislike being helped by foreigners.”

    Related:
    Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms

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