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    Category: Geography

    You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

    For The Love Of God, Get GPS

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Geography, Top

    Customer: “Hi. I’m coming from the intersection at *** and ***. How would I get to your store from here?”

    (I give the guy directions. I can tell he’s tuned me out after the first street or two. He then cuts me off before I finish.)

    Customer: “Good, good! I got it. Thanks!” *hangs up*

    (The phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “Hi! I just called you a few minutes ago, asking for directions.”

    Me: “I remember.”

    Customer: “Yeah… I took that turn on *** like you said. Then I got lost again. I’m at *** and *** now.”

    Me: “Okay…” *gives him directions again*

    Customer: “Okay! I got it this time. Thanks!” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Me: “Hi again. Where are you now?”

    Customer: *laughs* “I’m at *** and ***.”

    Me: “Okay. You’re almost here. Turn on *** and go straight until you see a gas station. We’re in the strip mall a little after it.”

    Customer: “Okay!” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “It’s me again! I’m at the gas station. I don’t see your store.”

    Me: “We’re in the strip mall after the gas station, it’s down the road a little bit.”

    Customer: “Oh! I see it. Okay, I’ll be right there.” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “I’m in the strip mall now… and I don’t see your store. I’m gonna feel SO stupid if I’m in the wrong strip mall.”

    Me: “At this point, I’m not even sure you’re in the right state.”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Me: “Okay. Do you see a donut shop?”

    Customer: “Yes! I see a donut shop!”

    Me: “Good. Drive to the donut shop. Now, do you see a cell phone store?”

    Customer: “Yes! It’s next to the donut shop.”

    Me: “Good. Drive to the cell phone shop. Now drive a little past that. Do you see the girl in the next store who’s on the phone and waving at you?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Is that you?”

    Me: “Yeah. Come on in…”

    Brown-Skinned Savage, I Come From Distant Shores

    | Reno, NV, USA | Geography, Top

    (I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…)

    Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?”

    Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.”

    Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?”

    Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…”

    (I finish loading her trunk.)

    Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!”

    Me: “…”

    Da, Is Union of Soviet Socialist Retirees

    | Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Bigotry, Geography, Wild & Unruly

    (I work every summer in a beach shop in Florida. One morning a man had come in and bought a beach chair, and returned after a few hours with his family.)

    Customer: “I would like to return this chair.”

    Me: “Of course. Do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “No, I just went to the beach. Why would I keep the receipt?”

    Me: “Is there a reason why you are returning the chair?”

    Customer: “It’s broken.”

    (The chair was soaked with water, coated with sand, and has a hole in the seat from what looks like a footprint on the cushion.)

    Me: “I am sorry sir, but we cannot accept used, broken items for return.”

    Customer: “What! I didn’t break it!”

    Me: “I am sorry sir, but without a receipt it still cannot be returned.”

    Customer: “Son of a b*tch! You hear that kids? This Russian b*tch is going to f*ck up our vacation!”

    Me: “…Russian? I live here.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I hear that accent.”

    Me: “…What accent?”

    Customer: “THERE! You just did it. No one talks like that in the Northeast.”

    Me: “…I’m a Southerner. You’re in the South.”

    Customer: “Whatever, you piece of racist sh*t!”

    (The man left only after he threw the chair at a clothes rack. Quite the job experience for a 15 year old.)


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