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    Category: Geography

    You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

    Giving The French Stick

    | AK, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: *with a strong French accent* “I would like a ticket to Paris, USA.”

    (His friends are snickering.)

    Me: “The one in Illinois or in Tennessee?”

    Customer: *pauses* “What?”

    Me: “Do you want Paris IL, or Paris TN?”

    Customer: “How about Marseilles?”

    Me: “Okay, Marseilles in Illinois or Ohio?”

    Customer: “Berlin?”

    Me: “So, Connecticut?”

    Customer: “Moscow?”

    Me: “Idaho?”

    Customer: “You’re making that up.”

    (I show him the screen for Moscow, Idaho.)

    Customer: “Look, I was only pointing out that American movies always list the city and country for a location because you’re too d*** stupid to know that Paris is in France!”

    Seeing The Sun In A Whole New Light

    | Narvik, Norway | Geography, Math & Science, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a store, where a lot of tourists come through. A German motorcyclist couple are on their way up to the North Cape.)

    Customer: “Oh, your country is so beautiful! We’re going all the way up to the North Cape on our motorcycle.”

    Me: “Wow, how fun! Hope you get lucky with the weather then.”

    Customer: “Thank you dear. Yes, we have always wanted to see the midnight sun. We have saved up for this trip for years.”

    Me: “Well, then I really hope the weather gods are on your side. Would be a shame if it were all cloudy and grey when you get there.”

    Customer: “Oh, they say the midnight sun is so bright, it’ll shine through just about anything when it comes up! Can’t wait!”

    Me: “When it comes up? The sun is up all the time now.”

    Customer: “What? We’re here to see the midnight sun! You know, the one that shines at midnight?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the midnight sun is the sun. The only sun. Only difference is that it’s so high here up north that it never sets. It just circles around a little. Therefore we can see it at night.”

    Customer: “What!” *she turns to her husband and rants in German* “Did you hear that? We’ve been ripped off! It’s the same sun as we have at home! And to think we came to this s*** expensive country, drove all the way, and it’s the same Sun!?”

    American’t

    | British Columbia, Canada | Geography, Technology, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Alright in order for me to see your screen, you have to select your region.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “You need to select the United States on the map.”

    Caller: “Why would you think I would know where that was on a map?!”

    Me: “It’s just a standard world map.”

    (The caller reads places’ names aloud as they hover their mouse over the map.)

    Caller: “Asia…Africa…Russia…China…I don’t think it’s here.”

    For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Geography

    Caller: “Hi. I’m trying to find you, but seem a bit lost.”

    Me: “That’s no problem. Do you approximately where you are?”

    Caller: “Nova Scotia.”

    Me: “That’s good, but I will need a bit more information. Are you in Halifax or Dartmouth?”

    Caller: “Canada.”

    Me: “Do you know which city you are in?”

    Caller: “Canada.”

    Me: “Canada is the country. Which area of the city are you in. Do you know which road you are on?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Where have you driven from?”

    Caller: “My aunt’s house.”

    Me: “Do you know your aunt’s address?”

    Caller: “She lives in Nova Scotia.”

    Me: “Can you see any signs or landmarks?”

    Caller: “I have some water on my right and some trees on my left.”

    Me: “Any shops or gas stations?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “You will need to keep going straight and call me back as soon as you see a sign or can stop at a gas station or shop and ask for help.”

    Caller: “I thought you were guest services. Why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “I am trying, but need a basic idea where you are.”

    Caller: *shouting* “I’m. In. Canada!”

    Related:
    For The Love Of God, Get GPS

    Here Today, Gone To Maui

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Geography

    Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [travel agency]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I need to get to Hawaii by Saturday.”

    Me: “Okay, let me just see what flights are available.”

    Caller: “Flights? As in flying? No way! I am terrified of flying! Can you look up some train tickets for me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, Hawaii is in the middle of Pacific Ocean. There is no train service to Hawaii.”

    Caller: “What? Hawaii is part of the United States, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is.”

    Caller: “Then how can it be in the middle of the Ocean? Fine then, what about taking a boat?”

    Me: ”Ma’am, there are cruise services to Hawaii, but I can assure you that the only way you are going to get to Hawaii by Saturday is by flying.”

    Caller: “Well, what about those speed boats that drug users use from Cuba?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, those boats don’t have the ability to cross the ocean, and Cuba is only 90 miles from the United States.”

    Caller: “90 miles? Sonny boy, Cuba is out in the middle of the ocean. Haven’t you ever looked at a map?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Forget it, I’ll just call another travel agency that knows their history.”

    Me: “Do you mean geography?”

    Caller: *click*


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