Category: Geography

You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

Have Ambiguity, Will Travel

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Geography

Customer: “I need some maps.”

Me: “Maps of what?”

Customer: “Places.”

Me: “What kind of places?”

Customer: “Other places!”

The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Geography

(We provide a legal advice service, but we do not take calls about criminal matters.)

Client: “Yes, hello. I live in Mississippi, and I’m calling because my husband got arrested and I—”

Me: “Ma’am, I am very sorry to cut you off, but I do need to let you know we do not provide advice for criminal matters.”

Client: “Oh. Um, can you tell me someone who might?”

Me: “I do not have any numbers to give you, but you’ll want to contact a criminal attorney in your state.”

Client: “Can you give me a number for that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, our office is in Maryland. I do not have any numbers for your area.”

Client: “Well, I’m in Mississippi, but he was in Georgia. Can you give me a number for a lawyer?”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but we’re in Maryland. I do not have any numbers for down that way.”

Client: “Can’t you just look in the phone book and give me the number for the police department?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We’re in Maryland. I do not have a Georgia phone book.”

Client: “What about the number for information?”

Me: “I do not have that.”

Client: “You don’t have the information number for your state?”

Me: *speaking a little more obviously* “No. That is not our state, ma’am.”

Client: “Well what state are you in?”

Me: *sigh*

Related:
The Great State Of Confusion, Part 3
Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
The Great State Of Confusion
The Great State Of Ignorance

Parlez-vous Down Under

| California, USA | Geography, Language & Words

(I’ve just finished ringing up a customer. Note that I have a very noticeable Australian accent, as I am from Australia.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “You too! By the way, I’m surprised, your English is really good!”

Me: “Er… thanks?”

Customer: “No, really! I mean it! If it weren’t for your accent, I’d have no idea you were French!”

Me: “Um… actually, I’m from Australia.”

Customer: “Oh, nonsense! I know a French accent when I hear one! Come on, say something in French!”

(To humor her, I make up some random sounds that vaguely sound like French, as I do not actually speak French.)

Customer: “See! I knew you were French! So what does that mean?”

Me: “It means, ‘I don’t speak any French because I’m not from France.'”

Customer: “Oh, you! You French have such great senses of humor!”

Asia: It’ll Amaze Ya, Part 2

| Stockport, UK | Geography

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any books on Asia?”

Me: “Are you looking for history of Asia, or travel?”

Customer: “Just books on Asia.”

Me: “Well, we have a few travel books on India, China—”

Customer: “No, I just want a book about Asia. I’m going to Asia.”

Me: “I don’t think we have any travel books on the entirety of Asia. Where are you going specifically?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Asia!”

Me: “Okay, yes, but where in Asia? Turkey? Pakistan? North? South?”

Customer: “Oh, is Turkey near Asia?”

Me: “Um… it’s in Asia. Asia is a continent. It has lots of countries in it. It’s not a country itself.”

Customer: “Wait, you think Asia’s not a country? Asians have got to come from somewhere!”

Me: *gives up* “Ah. Well our travel section is just over here. Give me a shout if there’s anything you need…”

Related:
Asia: It’ll Amaze Ya

The Comradewealth Of Moscowchusetts

| Rockport, MA, USA | Geography, Language & Words

Customer: *in a Southern drawl* “Do you speak English?”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I said, DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that I speak English. Why would you ask?”

Customer: “Hey, look, I ain’t never been to Massachusetts. I thought all y’all spoke Russian or some s***!”

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