Category: Geography

You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

Putting The Dire Into Directions

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Geography

Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to your mall?”

Me: “Sure; just tell me where you’re coming from and I’ll give you directions.”

Customer: “I’m not telling you where I live.”

Me: “That makes it hard for me to tell you how to get here.”

Customer: “Oh. Washington, D.C.”

Me: “Hop a plane to Cincinnati; call me when you get here.”

He’s Not All Aboard

| Tel Aviv, Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Top

Customer: “Hello, I’m calling to make sure that my flight back to Israel departs as scheduled, and that my request for a kosher meal has been approved.”

Me: “Sir, your ticket has already expired. Your flight was on May 15th.”

Customer: “What?!? That’s not possible! I am absolutely sure that my flight is on May 29th!”

Me: “Sir, have you perhaps changed your ticket’s return date?”

Customer: “No way! I would remember that! I’m not senile. My flight is on May 29th and I did not change my ticket!”

Me: “The computer says your flight was on May 15th. Could you look at the printout of your ticket and tell me what date appears there?”

Customer: “Oh, my God…”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I forgot! I completely forgot! I am calling you from Netanya! I already am back in Israel!”

Putting The Dire Into Directions

| Berlin, Germany | Geography

(My department store doesn’t sell all the ranges of clothes that the chain produces. However, there is another store just 200 meters to the left that I always tell people to go to when they are looking for an item we don’t have.)

Customer: “Do you have these shoes in [size]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any in stock, but if you can’t find your size here you could try the other store, which is two hundred meters to the left.”

Customer: “So, I go out and then to the right?”

Me: “No, the store is just to the left.”

Customer: “How far is it?”

Me: “As I said, just two hundred meters from here.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know? I’m from [another big city nearby].”

Me: “Yeah, but two hundred meters is the same distance in that place as it is here.”

Customer: *sighing* “This city is just too big for me!”

Lone Star State, One Country State Of Mind

| OH, USA | Geography

(The caller is already upset when she calls in. I am trying to obtain her information to set up service. I ask her for her phone number and she rattles off 7 digits.)

Me: “Ma’am, I need your area code as well.”

Customer: “I’m in Austin, Texas! What do you think it is?”

Me: “Well, because of multiple cellphone companies with their own area codes, I don’t automatically know your area code. I’ll need you to provide it.”

Customer: “Where are you?”

Me: “I’m in Ohio.”

Customer: *becomes hysterical* “Oh my God! Oh my God! We need jobs here and they keep outsourcing and sending all of our jobs overseas!”

Me: “Ma’am, I promise you, Ohio is a state.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! It’s not in Austin!”

No Vocation For Location, Part 4

| Chicago, IL, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(A nice German family is checking into the hotel around 10:30 at night.)

Father: “We have to be up early tomorrow. We’re driving to Disneyland tomorrow.”

Me: “Wow, that’s a heck of a drive. When do you think you’ll get there?”

Father: “I don’t know. I was hoping mid-afternoon.”

Me: “I think you might want to check your directions. California is 2,000 miles away.”

Father: “But it’s just the other side of the country.”

Me: “The US is a big country, sir.”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 3
No Vocation For Location, Part 2
No Vocation For Location

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