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    Category: Geography

    You may call them “lost”, but we prefer the name “geographically disadvantaged.”

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Geography

    (We provide a legal advice service, but we do not take calls about criminal matters.)

    Client: “Yes, hello. I live in Mississippi, and I’m calling because my husband got arrested and I—”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am very sorry to cut you off, but I do need to let you know we do not provide advice for criminal matters.”

    Client: “Oh. Um, can you tell me someone who might?”

    Me: “I do not have any numbers to give you, but you’ll want to contact a criminal attorney in your state.”

    Client: “Can you give me a number for that?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, our office is in Maryland. I do not have any numbers for your area.”

    Client: “Well, I’m in Mississippi, but he was in Georgia. Can you give me a number for a lawyer?”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but we’re in Maryland. I do not have any numbers for down that way.”

    Client: “Can’t you just look in the phone book and give me the number for the police department?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We’re in Maryland. I do not have a Georgia phone book.”

    Client: “What about the number for information?”

    Me: “I do not have that.”

    Client: “You don’t have the information number for your state?”

    Me: *speaking a little more obviously* “No. That is not our state, ma’am.”

    Client: “Well what state are you in?”

    Me: *sigh*

    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 3
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    Parlez-vous Down Under

    | California, USA | Geography, Language & Words

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a customer. Note that I have a very noticeable Australian accent, as I am from Australia.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “You too! By the way, I’m surprised, your English is really good!”

    Me: “Er… thanks?”

    Customer: “No, really! I mean it! If it weren’t for your accent, I’d have no idea you were French!”

    Me: “Um… actually, I’m from Australia.”

    Customer: “Oh, nonsense! I know a French accent when I hear one! Come on, say something in French!”

    (To humor her, I make up some random sounds that vaguely sound like French, as I do not actually speak French.)

    Customer: “See! I knew you were French! So what does that mean?”

    Me: “It means, ‘I don’t speak any French because I’m not from France.’”

    Customer: “Oh, you! You French have such great senses of humor!”

    Asia: It’ll Amaze Ya, Part 2

    | Stockport, UK | Geography

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any books on Asia?”

    Me: “Are you looking for history of Asia, or travel?”

    Customer: “Just books on Asia.”

    Me: “Well, we have a few travel books on India, China—”

    Customer: “No, I just want a book about Asia. I’m going to Asia.”

    Me: “I don’t think we have any travel books on the entirety of Asia. Where are you going specifically?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “Asia!”

    Me: “Okay, yes, but where in Asia? Turkey? Pakistan? North? South?”

    Customer: “Oh, is Turkey near Asia?”

    Me: “Um… it’s in Asia. Asia is a continent. It has lots of countries in it. It’s not a country itself.”

    Customer: “Wait, you think Asia’s not a country? Asians have got to come from somewhere!”

    Me: *gives up* “Ah. Well our travel section is just over here. Give me a shout if there’s anything you need…”

    Asia: It’ll Amaze Ya

    The Comradewealth Of Moscowchusetts

    | Rockport, MA, USA | Geography, Language & Words

    Customer: *in a Southern drawl* “Do you speak English?”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I said, DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that I speak English. Why would you ask?”

    Customer: “Hey, look, I ain’t never been to Massachusetts. I thought all y’all spoke Russian or some s***!”

    Wherever You Go, There US Are

    | Ireland | Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a tour guide at a 15th century Irish castle. I am covering the desk when two tourists come through to exit.)

    Me: “Thank you for visiting. Did you enjoy your tour?”

    Tourist #1: “NO!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. May I ask why?”

    Tourist #1: “That tour guide talked funny.”

    Tourist #2: “Yeah, she had a funny accent.”

    Me: “You mean Irish?”

    Tourist #1: “Yeah, we didn’t understand a word she said.”

    Tourist #2: You shouldn’t have guides we can’t understand!”

    Me: “I’m sorry but this is Ireland.”

    Tourist #1:You don’t have an Irish accent!”

    Me: “I’m not from here, though.”

    (At this point, another tourist who has been waiting to be served speaks up.)

    Another Tourist: “Sorry, ladies, but you’re in Ireland in an Irish castle. What were you expecting?”

    Tourists #1 and #2: “Americans!”

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